The Angels Saga
Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly
Copyright 6180 SC
Sunshine and Rainbows
Saruviel: On Through the Sands of Infinite Progression
The Heart of the Dove
The Rainbow Parade
The Noahide Assembly of Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh
Father, Heavenly Father
Child of the Father
Callodyn and Kayella 17
The Final Story
Jehovah God Daly
Xaddadaxx the Archer
Majestica the Magician
Katy P and Danny D
Ambriel and Daniel on a Mission
Melanie and Daniel 11
Devuel and Luladiel
David and Gemma
The End 2
Callodyn and Kayella 18
Zelzazon and the Death of an Ancient Evil III
The End 3
Down in the Dumps
Melanie and Daniel 12
The Scarlet Kadravanan
The Differentiation Between an Idiot and a Moron
Daniel and Ambriel Discuss Love
The Vengeance of Draven
Saruviel and Daniel: Havin’ a Chat
Saruviel and Luladiel: The Quest for the Golden Half Crown
Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly and his Consideration on Dear Luladiel
Melanie and Daniel 13
Meludiel at Magic Mountain
The Teachings of Avalon Daly
The Queries of Georgia Bridges
The Queries of Jacinta Bradley
Jesus the Idol
How I feel about you
The Vengeance of Draven II
The Queries of Jacinta Bradley 2
Selena = Noahide in English Noahide Ordinal Numerology Equivalents
Jenny Gilmore and the Ice Queen of Cooma
Xaddadaxx the Archer II
Saruviel: On through the Sands of Infinite Progression II
Melanie and Daniel 14
Elizabeth, Alison and Thomas 2
The Death of Satan
The Life of Satan
Lost in Citydale
Peter the Jew
Phanuel and the ANM Dilemma
The Dark Side of the Tiger of Wrath IX
Veldona and Shemrael 4
Lost in Citydale 2
Peter the Jew 2
Lost in Citydale 3
The Dark Side of the Tiger of Wrath X
Peter the Jew 3
Peter the Jew 4
The Life of Satan 2
Lost in Citydale 4
The Dark Side of the Tiger of Wrath XI
Gabriel and Aquariel III
Krystabel and the Clock of Eternity IV
Lost in Citydale 5
Gabriel and Aquariel IV
The Dark Side of the Tiger of Wrath XII
Blindriel the Rat
Blindriel the Rat 2
Blindriel the Rat 3
Fighting for Glory III
Lost in Citydale 6
Michael examined the piece of paper. It was an ordinary A4 piece of paper. He folded it in half and looked at it. Still an ordinary piece of paper. He folded it again and looked at it. Still quite ordinary. Gabriel looked at the paper.
'Bored, huh?' asked the secondborn of the Seraphim.
'Shitless,' replied Michael.
'I've always noticed that when we resort to origami we have usually reached the end of a long pile of obsessions, and are looking for a recharge. A rebirth maybe,' said Gabriel.
'I've not run out of crap to do,' said Michael obsequiously in reply.
He took out a crayon, and folded the paper into a boat, and started rubbing the crayon on the hull side so it would float.
'Ok. I've run out of things to do,' said Michael.
The theophany appeared in Castle Zionistya then, in Michael's Executive office. He sat down opposite Michael. Michael looked at him eating a sandwich.
'Want a bite?' asked God, offering Michael some of his cheese and pickel sandwich.
'I'm good,' replied Michael.
'So. You know where you all are then?' asked God, munching on his sandwich.
Michael and Gabriel stared at God. 'Where we are?'
'Zionistya,' replied God. 'Have you worked out where you are located? The stars are distant, but you have the technology up and running now. You should have seen them.'
'I've heard chat,' said Gabriel. 'Nothing is surmised yet. Why?'
'We're below Eternya,' said God, munching on his sandwich.
'Right,' said Gabriel. 'Well that doesn't surprise me. We had to be somewhere.'
'Not that far, actually. The starlight is dimmed for the time being from our perspective here. Till you get established and all.'
'Why?' asked Michael, looking at his boat.
'Your established in your own turf now. Zionistya is my rock foundation. There won't be anything built further down. Abraham always liked solid rock bottom. So you are at the bottom, and you'll be connecting upwards in a few days,' said the Theophany.
Michael looked at the boat. 'Shall we see if it floats?' he asked Gabriel.
They took the boat to the sink, and Michael put in the plug and filled the sink with water. He put the boat on and it indeed did float. Michael looked at God.
'Ambriel never really left them anyway.' He had been very humble for a long time had Michael, with a very sober voice for a long time since the separation. There was a tinge in his voice now. Relief more than anything else.
'You'll cheer up soon, son,' said the Theophany. 'Saruviel wanted to run things in the Realm his way. He gets along with the Daniel's, and Noah claimed all that turf. The growing Discworlds are all established now, and each will in fact grow eternally, alike Eternya. You have your world. Don't say I haven't been good to you.'
Michael pushed the boat around the sink a little, and returned to his desk. He looked at God.
'I'll have that other half to your sandwich now.'
God smiled. His son had cheered up.
Sunshine and Rainbows
'Meludiel. You are looking good,' said the Devil Bunny.
Meludiel ignored the comment. They were in a field near Golden Lake, enjoying the Sunshine and Rainbows. Rainbows overhead, and a light sprinkle of rain, and Meludiel would not be put off by Daniel who had dressed himself in his classic Devil Bunny outfit.
'I am not going to dress up as a rabbit,' said Meludiel. 'I think I know what you have on your mind.'
Daniel sat down on the rug next to her, having just done a quick change into the Devil Bunny outfit he had brought in a bag but not told her what it was.
'You'd make a good devilbunny,' said Daniel. 'You have the right physique for one.'
'I'm sure there are plenty of fat bunnies,' replied the slim Meludiel.
'Chubbybunny is fine,' said Daniel. 'But I like your particular model. I'm sure you'd go wildfire if I could get you in the mood.'
She looked at him, in his outfit, and giggled. 'You never cease to surprise me dear Daniel. Ambriel, he is reliable. Never really changes much, keeps at it with love, and offers no real surprises. Very consistent. But you and Valandriel seemed dedicated to eternally upsetting the status quo.'
'That's the name of the game, sistah,' replied Daniel. 'It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. It gets so incredibly boring otherwise. Michael? I picture him in a public service department, shuffling papers, and using a staple remover cause he's changed his mind and wants to use a paperclip, and that probably excites him.'
Meludiel giggled again.
'Morning tea on Friday is his big thing, and he brings in the rainbow cake occasionally, which is a big splash out of funds, because it's normally just scotch fingers.'
She giggled again.
'The Christmas party is big for him. The forbidden glass of wine ends up on his desk, and after a sip he says he's feeling a little tipsy.'
Meludiel smiled and patted Daniel on the knee. 'You're full of charm,' she said sarcastically.
They sat in silence for a while, and some bees buzzed around a bit, and Daniel pointed out the water and beautiful ripples on Golden Lake.
'I have a new plan,' Daniel said suddenly.
'Here we go again,' said Meludiel.
'It's a responsa divinia plan,' said Daniel.
'And what does that mean?' asked Meludiel.
'I had a big dream. Something's coming. And I don't mean the imminent advent of Zionistya which God announced. There's a change coming. A new beginning. And I have a plan.'
'I've sensed that too,' said Meludiel, looking up at the rainbow. 'Something special is going to happen to us. Something very special.'
'So me and Valandriel have a new plan,' continued Daniel. 'The Agenda is entering a new phase. It's a battle for dominion, now, and authority in the Kingdom of God. More so than it has ever been before, as the rest of you guys are finally starting to respond. With all the Discworlds now set for eternal expansion, people like Azrael and Cosadriel and that bugger Talzudiel are conniving and getting their agenda finally up and running properly. There miles behind sweetheart, but DanVal now finally has some competition. We probably wanted it in the end. Eventually. So now that it's coming, time to get busy.'
'Time to get busy,' she smiled. 'So watch out for the girls. Coz we rule the world.'
Daniel looked at her pointedly. 'What? You're finally coming out of your Jesus loves me conservative shell? Growing that brain you've been neglecting for aeons?'
Meludiel looked right at him. 'I have a plan,' she said.
He stared at her for a moment, and then got the wine and chicken and bread rolls out of the picnic basked. 'Well there you go,' he said at last.
And the bees buzzed, and the rain came down, and the rainbows never looked happier.
* * * * *
Meludiel sat down a the Vibronic, in Sharlamane's current room at Danielphon. She sat there, looking at the keys, but she was distracted and looked up and out the window at the blustery warm day. Heat was in the air, and she was a little sweaty. It was bright, and there was a little bit of a sunshower going own, and she could see a rainbow in the distance. Sunshine and rainbows again – there had been a few of them recently. She sat there and started twiddling her thumbs. She looked at the vibronic and noticed a music pad on the back of it. She tore off a blank sheet and started folding the paper and soon had made an old origami paper boat for herself, which she had learned from aeons ago. She looked a the boat and suddenly remembered an old Playschool lesson. She stood and went to the main room and looked at Daniel.
'Do you have any crayons?' she asked.
He looked at the boat in her hands. 'Frik. I haven't done that in aeons,' he replied. He left the room saying he'd be back in a jiffy, and true to his word returned shortly with a large red crayon. He handed it to her and she sat down next to him and using the TV coffee table as a base she started colouring the whole hull of the paper boat.
'Don't leave any gaps,' said Daniel, who had been watching closely.
When she was finished she presented it to him. 'What do you think?' Meludiel asked.
'We'll take it to the pool in the back yard,' replied Daniel.
They ventured out the back, and the sunshower had gotten a little closer and the Rainbow was quite big now. Daniel flicked on a switch on the side of the shed and a large clear see through cover started moving, revealing a pool beneath in the back yard of Danielphon. They took off their shoes, and dangled their feet in the water.
'Are you ready to name her?' Daniel asked smiling.
'HMS Unsinkable,' replied Meludiel.
'I am sure she is,' said Daniel grinning.
Meludiel giggled and lowered the boat to the water, hull side first, pushing it out into the pool, which was making minor ripples due to the blustery wind. The secret to it not sinking was the crayon. It was waterproof and made a shield between the paper and the water. The two of them watched for a few minutes, but the wind started picking up a bit, and the sunshower was getting a little heavier. Suddenly a gust of wind came through, and the boat turned over, started saturating on the other side, and, giving up, sank to the bottom of the pool.
'Yes, HMS Unsinkable,' said Daniel.
'Shut up,' replied Meludiel hotly.
'Her Majesties bravest,' said the grinning cheshire Daniel cat.
'I'm warning you,' said Meludiel, who was upset at the failure of her precious origami boat.
'300 brave souls all abandoned to Davy Jones locker because of insufficient crayoning by the grand architect,' said Daniel.
Meludiel had a response. 'The water was toxic,' she said.
Daniel looked at her quizzically.
'The body sweat of Daniel the Seraphim is a worse fate than the bog of Satan himself,' she snarled at him.
They both looked at the boat at the bottom of the pool.
'More realistically it was the gas from last nights vile curry which poisoned the well,' said Daniel thoughtfully, stroking his chin.
'But only I had the curry,' said Meludiel.
'Exactly,' replied Daniel, still stroking his chin.
'BEAST!' screeched Meludiel in reply.
Daniel didn't really find any peace for the rest of that afternoon, despite the rainbow outside having settled in for the duration. And he was in such a sensitive state that that night at dinner, considering the situation, he chose to wisely refrain from comment when he noticed one of his goldfish from his aquarium fried up on his dinner plate with his chips. Sometimes you just took the good with the bad.
Saruviel: On through the Sands of Infinite Progression
'He's a soul,' said Kantriel. 'He's important.'
'Yet souls perish,' said Saruviel. 'God bears with us, then lets us our fate, a fate of our own choosing, and in death of sheol is the reward for a life which refuses the laws of life.'
'But should not the power upon high of Kalphon extend his power and grace to this soul and teach it were it errs?'
'I've done that for a while,' responded Saruviel, sitting down at his desk. 'More Ambriel and Daniel's type of work. Salvation is not my ministry. I might challenge a soul to seek it, which is still the role I find in the blueprint of my heart, but it's not my frikkin job to save them Kantry. It just isn't.'
Kantriel looked at the dossier of the nameless soul from an outer planetary body, who worked in Alexander's corporation, and let the issue drop.
'Daniel and Ambriel have good retention rates,' said Kantriel. '99% of their original flock remains. We remain on about 82% retention rate before God grants them eternity.'
'Your point?' queried Saruviel.
'If you got off your arse and gave a damn we'd have more success.'
'The strong live, the weak perish,' replied Saruviel. 'In the sands of Infinite Progression of a souls existence, it must make choices, and if it chooses sin, its just a heartache to correct that. And our corporation is full of lovelies not quite as delicate as the likes of those two.'
'Which is why the Antichrist was appointed to minister to them,' replied Kantriel.
'Very funny,' said Alexander Darvanius.
'Then let me,' said Kantriel.
Saruviel looked at him. 'Why? Why care? God doesn't.'
'God cares if we care. He told me so.'
Saruviel waved his hand at Kantriel. 'Off with you. Go off on your crusade. Do as ye will.'
'Fine,' said Kantriel, and left.
Saruviel stood and went to his alcohol, and sipped on a whiskey. But he looked at the door, after the departed Kantriel, and thought on what he'd said. 'To save a devil you need a devil, huh?' he said to God. There was no reply.
* * * * *
Kantriel looked at the flask. 'It's empty Jonno.'
Jonno Jones nodded. 'Of course its frikkin empty. Last night was a blast.'
'Your slipping,' said Kantriel. 'We retain 82% because of attitudes like yours.'
'Who gives a shit,' said Jonno. 'I sure don't. Lifes a blast, then you die. God doesn't care about me, and I sure as hell don't give a shit about him.'
'Well I care,' replied the Seraphim.
'You going to give me a wage increase?'
'Centuries before a minor increment. You'll have to earn it,' said Kantriel.
'Then pass me the whiskey on the mantlepiece, and just fuck off,' replied Jonno.
Kantriel passed him the whiskey, and took out his own silver flask.
'Drinking, huh,' said Jonno, hooking into the whiskey.
'I don't get drunk much,' said Kantriel. 'But I'll share a drink with you. Drown your sorrows. Tell me, why is life so tough for Jonno Jones?'
'It isn't. I just don't care much,' replied Jonno.
'Apathetic huh?' asked Kantriel.
'Why would I care? What is there to care about. It's all meaningless in the end. Like Rebecca St James sings. Life is meaningless. Chase after the wind.'
Kantriel nodded. 'It has its thrills. With endurance and patience the good bits improve, and you start enjoying the stability of character which has built up in your soul. You start to value yourself and find meaning in that. And then you notice those who've been on the sojourn an eternity with you, and you start appreciating that. It's worth it if you commit.'
Jonno picked up the remote and turned on the TV. 'Bullshit,' he said.
'True,' said Kantriel.
Jonno sat there, and sipped on his whiskey. Then he looked at Kantriel and put down the bottle. 'Tell me about it then. The secrets of a long life. I don't give a fuck – I'll make that perfectly clear. But, I suppose I'll listen. I'll give you a hearing. If you have anything of merit to say, I'll take note.'
Kantriel nodded, and sipped on his whiskey. 'Order pizza and coke. We'll make a night of it.'
And Jonno did, and they enjoyed the movies on TV that weekend night, and the mood was good for once in the abode of Jonno Jones, employee of DarvaniusCorporation.
The Heart of the Dove
'So Daniel. How long will the way of the Eternal Dove last?'
Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly looked at the Ketravim Delta Goodrem. 'A few more years I guess,' he replied. 'How are membership numbers?'
'Don't YOU know?' she asked.
'Vaguely aware. 'Googolplexians apparently. Way up there.'
'We're big,' she replied. 'One of the success Assemblies of Faith with growth, actually. Practically one of the Divine Fellowships.'
'Don't get ahead of yourself, sweetheart. Yes I know we're doing well. That was the whole point. How are you finding the social scene?'
'It's ok,' said Delta.
'She talks to me mostly,' said Jack Dagger.
'She occasionally speaks to me,' said Cheryl Colson.
'The ritual is well known. Every Assembly day you are here bright and early, the three of you, for prayers, and chat till the service begins. You're famous for it,' said Daniel.
'Passes the time,' said Jack.
'Gives me something to do,' said Cheryl.
'I'd be lost without them,' said Delta.
'And you are all single?' queried Daniel.
'No,' said Cheryl. 'My other life is on another world. I get there one century every millennium. Normally I'm here, at home, with my posse.'
'It's our century off,' said Jack. 'We live normal lives then. Earn our incomes, usually, and live it up here for 900 years.'
'I do a show or two,' said Delta. 'In that century. So does Cheryl. I don't know what Jack does.'
'I investigate,' said Jack. 'Cases. Perplexing cases.'
'Fascinating,' said Daniel. 'Well, if you really must know, the heart of the dove is an eternal one. We're around forever. Just the way it goes. You'll get used to it, I suppose.'
'I suppose,' said Delta. 'Lived a fair while now, you know. Just thought you should know. A fair while.'
'Are you hinting at something?' asked Daniel.
'She's served here aeons,' said Jack. 'Pastors have come. Pastors have gone. We've remained steady. Have you ever thought, well. Well, you know?'
Daniel looked at the three of them. 'Right. Pillars are good when they know their place and remain eternally faithful. We have another spiritual blessing coming at the end of the epoch for the Way of the Eternal Dove. You'll feel more comfortable with your role then.'
Delta sighed. 'As you wish, master.'
Daniel smiled. 'Keep up the tithing. Good work kids.' And he smiled, and left.
Delta sat there, staring at the front wall of the Assembly hall. 'I'm bored,' she said at last.
'Here we go again,' replied Jack Dagger.
The Rainbow Parade
'So. Miss Ciccone. How are you finding the Rainbow Parade? Your status as a princess isn't problematic is it? It wasn't really working out in Haven Noahide Fellowship, but you seem comfortable in this scene.'
Madonna put down the broom, and looked around the Assembly hall. 'Good,' she said, coming and sitting down next to Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly. 'Our Parade is Godly now. Very traditional and old in its ways. LGBTI to the core, but the survivors in us love God and are mostly acceptable to society. We've earned that.'
'You've stabilized on your crooked ways. It can be done. Not easy, but it can be done. Drug use is down, I've noticed, from your report.'
'This past aeon, yes,' replied Madonna. 'But its probably because we're getting ready for the end of Epoch blessing. We want to be on our best – for us, anyway, as we're all sinners – for God. To get a good reward. This epoch's blessing is apparently a special one as well.'
'We're hoping. The ANM is looking good at the moment. We're number one, and we know it, but the competition is starting to finally take its work a bit more seriously. Jesus is now pushing the Gospelators and the Gospelarians and his other Gospel Follower movements quite a bit now, and starting to associate with them a lot.'
'Christianity is a lost cause,' she replied. 'I think he's faced up to that truth at last.'
'Let's hope so,' replied Daniel. 'So. Are you happy? Is your daughter well?'
'You should look her up. You haven't seen her in a long while now, you know. She misses you a bit.'
'I've found my relationships. There steady. I'm settling down into them. There's an old book on the relationships of twins, which is practically scripture now. The traditions are accepted. Not every twin is for romance, while some are. It's a support thing for the most part, and that's the way it is.'
'I know,' she said, and picked up the broom again. 'Will you get the dustpan and brush? It's in the kitchen?'
'Sure,' said Daniel.
He got to the kitchen, but looked at Madonna sweeping. A tireless servant. One who had wanted her freedoms, and gotten them, but then found her salvation at the end of a difficult road. Funny how life worked. He found the dustpan and brush, and dusted them off, and helped her with the cleaning, as another fine day of eternity came and went.
The Noahide Assembly of Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh
'Callodyn. Where are we going?' asked Kayella.
'To Hell,' replied Callodyn.
'Oh. Your mother's,' replied Kayella.
'My sister's actually,' replied Callodyn. 'Well, my Aunt. But grandma will be there.'
'Why are we going there?' asked Kayella, eating her Magnum Ice Cream.
'They are having a discussion on advanced weight loss techniques for the obese,' replied Callodyn.
Kayella turned to look at Callodyn, glared at him, and threw the rest of her ice cream out the window.
'Actually, we're going to the Noahide Assembly of Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh.'
'Ooh. That's a new one. Haven't heard of that one before,' she replied.
'It's a small one. As old as the ANM nearly. Founded by the old man as well. There are only a tiny smattering of congregations here and there.'
'What do they teach?' she asked.
'They have a different Rainbow Bible. Similar stuff, but original. Not the stuff taught by the ANM. It's still Karaite Adamide-Noahide faith, but with their own unique approach.'
'I see,' replied Kayella.
They arrived at the congregation in the North Pole of Antarctica in Eternya, were they were currently residing, and entered the Assembly building. There were three people down the front, praying by the looks of it.
'Hey,' said Callodyn. The congregants turned, and smiled at him.
'Mr Daly,' said one of the congregants, a gentleman dressed in a suit. 'Long time no see.'
'Jock, isn't it?' said Callodyn.
'That's me,' replied Jock. 'Jock Smith. Dubious morals. Questionable ethics. Poor hygiene. But I dress well.'
'Perfect for the Assembly then,' replied Callodyn.
'This is Jessica and Ann,' said Jock, indicating the two pretty ladies next to him. 'We're praying for the congregation. It's ongoing welfare.'
Kayella smiled at the ladies.
'Why the visit?' asked Jock.
'I want my wife to hear something first hand from this Assembly. Is my father, myself and my son Daniel the Seraphim doing a good enough job in shepherding the Noahide Assembly of Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh.'
'Hopeless,' replied Jock.
'Average on a good day,' said Jessica.
Ann smiled. 'They are doing a wonderful job Miss Kayella. Don't worry about the other two. Sarcasm runs deep in our congregation. We are very happy, content, and enjoy our blessings. And we are looking forward greatly to the end of epoch spiritual blessing which God has promised us all.'
'Fascinating,' replied Kayella.
Later on, as they were driving home, having picked up a pizza from Pizza Hut, Callodyn said. 'There. See.'
'See what,' she replied.
'Wonderful job. Doing a wonderful job. Straight out of the horses mouth.'
Kayella didn't say anything in reply. They got home, and put on the A Team, and started into their pizza and coke, and she turned to him.
'So how much did you pay them to say that?' she asked him, grinning.
'It was an undisclosed amount in a brown paper bag from Daniel the Seraphim,' replied Callodyn.
Kayella grinned. They watched the A Team. He complimented her later for her detective skills. Not such a simple dullard anymore. She only grinned again in reply.
Father, Heavenly Father
'Father, Heavenly Father, have I told you today I need you?' asked Jesus the Gospel Teacher.
'WOULD YOU BE LOST WITHOUT MY LOVE?'
Jesus stopped. 'Excuse me? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?'
'GOD YOU IDIOT!'
Jesus looked at the throne of Zaphon. 'I've heard you speak, twice maybe in my existence.'
'SOMETHING LIKE THAT,' replied God.
'You NEVER speak to me,' said Jesus.
'YOU'VE GOT A CHRIST COMPLEX, A SELF-DEIFICATION PARANOIA, AND A HELL OF AN EGO.'
'Oh. Right. Ok. Fine,' said Jesus. 'Well pleased to meet you old man.'
'GOSPELATORS ARE RUNNING FINE NOW. I'VE LOOKED INTO IT. THE KOSHER GOSPEL IS TOLERABLE. ON WITH YOUR WORK. GET BACK TO ME ONE DAY.'
'Right,' said Jesus. 'Ok. Good. Yes. Good. Fine. Yes.' He looked at the flame of God. 'Right,' he said, and turned and fucked off.
He found Memra and sat down with her. 'The Old Fart spoke to me.'
'God?' asked Memra. 'You're not exactly too his taste most of the time.'
'What the hell does he want from me?'
'Make your life a frikking altar idiot. To the glory of GOD you idiot. Not your own vanity. Kapiche?'
Jesus looked at her. 'Riiigghhht,' he said slowly. 'To the glory of GOD!'
'You'll work it out. Torah teaches it. I don't think you've read that right yet.'
'Been there, done that,' replied the Man from Nazareth.
'Didn't sink in then I guess,' replied Memra.
Jesus looked at her again squarely. 'I have my own ideas.'
'Which build the Kingdom of Jesus of Nazareth. Not exactly the Everlasting Kingdom which God had in mind.'
He sat there with her, looking at the clouds overhead Zaphon. 'He said he liked the Gospelators ideas well enough.'
'Maybe that idea is a bit more solid ground. Run with it Loggie.'
'Don't call me Loggie,' he replied. 'Mmm. Yeh. Business as usual I guess.' He looked back towards the throneroom of God. 'Business as usual I guess.'
'Let's get a hamburger and coke,' she said. 'Down at Az's place.'
'Yeh, ok,' said Jesus. 'And I'll figure out my altar.'
'You do that,' said Memra. 'You do that.'
Child of the Father
'I am a Child of the Father,' said Jesus to Moses.
'That you are,' replied Moses, chowing down on fried chicken.
'I'm redeemed, forgiven, holy, blameless and free,' said Jesus.
'Fascinating,' replied Moses. 'You could write a book on it.'
Jesus nodded. 'You think Laws are the answer?'
'God digs them,' replied Moses.
'Laws, Shmaws,' said Jesus. 'They are for legalists.'
'Gets us out of a lot of shitty bits,' said Moses. 'That King David? Man. Without laws we'd have a hellcat bedding every man's wife from here to Kingdom Come.'
'Yes. David,' replied Jesus. 'And I guess Samson would be fornicating with Dinosaurs as well, huh?'
'Well I heard this rumour once,' said Moses, and chuckled a little.
'The blessings which are mine overwhelm me all the time,' said Jesus.
'You've been listening to too much Cheri Keaggy,' said Moses.
'Oh, you know her work?' asked Jesus excitedly.
'She has credibility,' said Moses. 'Genuine follower of yours. Loves God perfectly well. A very good attitude. You are lucky to have her.'
'Yep. She keeps on Shinin,' said Jesus. 'I'm very proud of her.'
'So you should be,' said Moses.
'You have thoughts on the Kosher Gospel?'
'I've read it. Good enough motivational teaching. Works well for some. I like Torah, though. Keeps me focused on my work.'
'Right,' replied Jesus. 'I guess so.'
'He suggested to me you look into a Torah work. You've acquired enough information now in that skull of yours that can be suited to developing Gospel with a Torah foundation. A decent Torah code as the foundation, and a suitable response to sacrificial ideology, and you should have it all worked out in no time. Think strict rules, and an unchanging code of law. You have several examples to choose from.'
'Riiiigghhtt,' said Jesus. 'If that's what you think.'
'This chicken is yummy,' said Moses.
Jesus nodded. 'Torah code as the foundation for the Gospel? Mmmm. Now how would he go about that?'
'Jeebie, Jeebie, Jeebie beebus. The Almighty hath spokeneth to your banal butt I've heard on the grapevine.'
'Very funny Daniel Seraphim of Insanity,' replied Jesus.
'My God,' said Daniel in a very fake aghast pose. 'Seraphim of Insanity. Yeh, I think I could use that title. I'm talking to you after all. Right. Let's see. Gospel followers.Almost enough numbers now to be pathetically insignificant instead of abysmally insignificant. You've progressed Baa Baa Boy.'
'Baa Baa Boy?' asked Jesus.
'Mary's little lamb. Now, I've heard you had this secret ambition. To give your life away. I bet those nails hurt, right?'
Jesus glared at the Seraphim. 'They hurt like hell.'
'So, as it is written in the Chronicles of Daniel the Sensible,' continued Daniel without missing a beat, 'Self-Sacrifice is for suckers, and dying on a cross aint exactly my idea of a good time.'
'Shaddup,' said Jesus.
'Seriously. Whipped by Romans. Sounds like fun. NOT. What kind of tool are ya? You know, there you are, 30 something, the world at your feet, and you go off on a wonderful servant song agenda, and think your saving the world. You know, though, hang around for another few decades, develop some more decent teaching, and you'd have had far less problems in the long run. Just a potential member of Al Qaeda with a suicide vest is all I think of that calvary shit.'
'Charmed,' replied Jesus. 'You make it sound so wonderful.'
'Yeh. But what do you expect from a Jewbie Dubie. All for Yah the Mighty, and all that jazz.'
'Yes,' said Jesus seriously. 'I would lay down my life for the Almighty.'
'Your funeral buddy,' replied Daniel. 'Now, in the book of Sense it is written 'God has plenty of Glory of his own. Make sure, with the stuff left in the barrell, you carve out as much as humanly possible, check the bottom dollar of it all, and run with it to the best your powers of persuasion can muster. Copyright is a wonderful thing, believe me. Noahides don't go off on a death crusade, Yesh. We value our lives greatly, and no, when push comes to shove, Jovahvovah can stuff himself, cause I dam well will eat the last twinkie in the cake tin.'
'Your very wise,' replied Jesus dryly.
'Glad to see you coming to your senses. Good luck with your new agenda. Your light years behind. You might have triple z-minus degree in actual wisdom, so don't let that vague notion of passing in the Alpha charts go to your head in the big salvation league. We're really not sure if you can cut the mustard, buster.'
'I'll keep that in mind,' replied Jesus.
'Good to see. Catch you later,' and Daniel was off, leaving Jesus pondering his Secret Ambition
Callodyn and Kayella 17
'Awww, isn't he sweet. And so handsome,' said Kayella.
The minstrel came over and took Kayella's hand, and kissed it. 'You are a flower amongst thorns,' said the Minstrel, and winked at her.
'Right,' said Callodyn, looking at Kayella look at the minstrel. 'As I was saying, we're doing very well in the 7 Divine Fellowship's at the moment.'
Kayella was still looking at the Minstrel and said, 'Yes Cal.'
'Membership is constantly increasing,' said Callodyn.
Kayella winked at the minstrel who winked back. 'Yes dear,' she said, still gawking at the minstrel.
'We're beginning a pogrom against the Christian Church soon,' said Callodyn.
'Yes Cal,' replied Kayella, her eyes steadily fixed upon the minstrel.
'Bitch,' he said to her, under his breath.
4 weeks later she had moved out again, given him his ring back for about the 100th time, and was in a flat on the other side of the city they lived in in the North Pole in Eternya.
'She's seeing this minstrel guy,' said Trant the Cherubim.
'Right,' said Callodyn.
'They've been all over the city on the weekends. Painting the town red,' said Trant. She's got the hots for him and his spanish bravado.'
Callodyn was looking peeved.
That weekend he was monitoring Kayella's flat, and after a while she came out with the Minstrel, they got into a car, and headed off. Callodyn knew the number of the unit, crept up the stairs, and used his electronic lock pick to pick the lock. He had with him 7 jars of honey.
'Right,' were to start. 'No, I'll just do the stovetop.' He looked at the electric ring coils stovetop, and opened up the honey jars and poured all the honey out onto the stovetop. 'Heh. It'll take forever for her to clean it,' he said to himself. Before leaving he got an idea, and borrowing a sheet of paper from her desk, he wrote with a highlighter 'Enjoy the honey, honey,' and blutacked it behind the stove against the wall. 'That'll teach the bitch,' he said, and left.
Kayella got home that night, alone, and soon saw the sign, and then noticed the honey on the stovetop. 'Dafuq!' she exclaimed. Then she thought about it, and knew who it was. 'I'll get you bastard,' she said grinning to herself. 'I'll getcha good, honey.'
And she plotted, and cleaned up the honey, and grinned at the revenge she would soon have.
The Final Story
Daniel had had enough. He was finally getting old.
'Ok, God. Here's the deal. Taylor Swift. She's hot. I want to marry her.'
'Yes,' replied God Almighty.
'And Katy Perry is cute,' said Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly.
'Yes, she is,' replied God Almighty.
'Right,' said Daniel.
'Right,' said God.
And Daniel married Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. And he was, at last, at the very last, content.
'Her name is Avalon. Avalon Daly,' said Taylor Swift, wife of Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly.
Avalon had blonde hair, looked cute, and had a wonderful smile. Cosadriel was instantly attracted to her.
The years passed, and Avalon was good at athletics, and liked to drink beer. She found her way, one afternoon, in her mid 20s, to Az's bar, in Zaphona City. Cosadriel and Azrael were there.
'Hey, its Moron and Idiot, the Dunderhead brothers,' said Avalon, sitting down at the table Azrael and Cosadriel were sitted at.
'I don't believe I've had the pleasure,' said Cosadriel, looking at the blonde beauty.
'Avalon. Avalon Daly. Daughter of Daniel and Taylor.'
'You're pretty hot,' said Cosadriel.
'Father warned me about you two. Said you would both corrupt me. I felt it was time to be indoctrinated. This is my new hangout. I'll kick your arse at cricket Cosadriel. I'm a lethal bowler and batter. Dad has prayed 12,000 prayers for my success at the sport.'
'My, you are a go getter, aren't you,' said Azrael.
'You bet buster,' replied Avalon.
The two Seraphim angels looked at her. She smiled warmly, glowed even, and seemed to radiate this incredible love towards them both.
'I'll marry one of you one of these days,' she said. 'Whoever comes out top.'
'Really,' said Cosadriel.
'I'm sure you will,' said Azrael.
'And why is that?' asked Cosadriel.
'Dad said you two would have to fight it out for my hand in marriage. I've been rigorously trained on sarcasm, believe me, and I'm up for being the new member in your dismal tag team.'
'She's got spunk,' said Cosadriel to Azrael.
'That she has,' said Azrael. 'Bah, you can have her. I'm getting too old for this shit,' said Azrael.
Avalon reached out and put her hands around Azrael's neck. 'You're not getting away with it that easy, buster. You'll fight for my love yet, or my name isn't Avalon Taylor Jane Daly.'
Azrael smiled, and gently removed the hands.
Avalon hung around all afternoon, but eventually left, not before kissing them both on the forehead and saying she loved both of them very much.
When she'd gone, Azrael looked at Cosadriel. 'Never met anyone like her,' he said.
Cosadriel nodded. He'd already made the commit. He'd chase her alright. And he'd land her as well. Of that much he was darn sure.
'My name is Ellenderikelle Caslyiverra Maryanna Daly. But you can call me Ellen. My mother is Katy Perry, and my father is Daniel Daly,' said the Raven haired beauty.
'Right,' said the angel Devuel. 'Good to know. My twin's new bitch. How old are you then?'
'18,' she replied.
Devuel gave her a good long hard look. She looked like Katy. Looked like her father as well.
'What do you want?' he asked her.
'I'm a virgin,' she said. 'Do you want to remedy that?'
He looked at her, as she took off her top, and stood there, quite magnificent breasts showing to the world. After they'd made love, Ellen said to him. 'You'll marry me of course. We're eternal. You and me forever babe. You'll never let me go. Mum was too hardcore for you in the end. Too religious. But I'm your cup of tea, munchkins. I've been rigorously trained by both parents to facilitate your need to be male,' she said sarcastically.
'My need to be male,' repeated Devuel.
'Yes sir,' she said saluting him.
Devuel grinned. This was interesting.
'I'll cater for you,' she said.
'You will,' he said.
'I'll give you kids,' she said.
'And what do you ask in return?' asked Devuel.
'Just your eternal love and devotion, swettie,' said Ellen.
'That you might have,' he said.
'You better,' she said. 'You just took my virginity buster, so I'm yours. And I'm not the cheating kind.'
Devuel nodded, as Ellen put her head on his chest in the bed, and stroked his chest.
'I'll love you forever Devvie. I understand your imperfections, and your dark side. I won't leave you.'
'Thanks kid,' said Devuel. He was, indeed, thunderstruck. Completely.
'Listen dickhead,' began Penoniel the Seraphim's twin, Peladiel. 'You are gay. I accept that. But I don't accept it. Get over being gay, transform yourself in 95% heterosexual and 5% bisexual, or I won't talk to you for periods of 1 millions years at a time, with a day of conversation only in between them.'
'Suits me,' said Penoniel. 'If you don't love me anyway, you wouldn't care to talk to me much and show mercy.'
'It is because I have your best interests at heart that I've always been so tough,' replied Peladiel. 'But you maintain your faggotry despite countless theological corrections.'
'What defines 5% bisexual?' he asked her.
'5 years each century I will tolerate you bedding your toy boy as long as you give me half the time also.'
'Fine,' he said, and took off his ring of his married husband. 'I'll divorce him. I'll give you the next 95 years.'
She looked at him, and caught herself. 'What the fuck?' she asked him.
'Fine. You win. I don't need that lifestyle so much anymore. It's been a rush, and I like it a lot, but women fuck just as well as men. You'll do Pelly.'
'Oh. Ok. Good,' she said softly. 'You really mean it?'
'I'll move in next week. Give the man the word, and that will be it. He's probably ready to move on in life again anyway. It's been interesting.'
Peladiel looked at him, still not sure how to process the information. 'Um. Ok. I'll expect you and your stuff next week then.'
'I have a flat near Terraphon. Let's move there for a while.'
'Ok,' she said. 'If that is what you want.'
'I got over it a few centuries back, Peladiel. It's just a rush. A feeling. A pizazz, but it's not an orientation. I know that much is true. Just a pride which people try and maintain. Just something we get into for a while, often out of rebellion, and often because we like weird things. It's all I really think now looking back. I liked being special for a while.'
Peladiel nodded. 'Well, ok. Well, I'll see you then.'
When he left, Peladiel sat there, on the couch, stunned. Then, not knowing what to really do, she got the vacuum cleaner started, and started cleaning up. The wife in her clicked into gear, and soon she was making plans, and soon she was, indeed, making plans.
Jehovah God Daly
Wolfgang and Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly were having a chat.
'Well, actually,' said Daniel. 'You were adopted.'
'I had a feeling I wasn't completely a deBear,' replied Wolfgang.
'You're actually a Daly, my boy. We placed you in the DeBear clan because you are like them in many ways. But not completely biologically. O'Dalaigh runs through your blood.'
'Fascinating,' said the Theophany.
'We took out membership for you in the clan a while ago. Your membership number is 11396. Website is www.dalyirishclan.com .
'What are the perks?' asked God.
'Superior status as the greatest of the Irish tribes, and a lecture from old Cyril when you turn a googolplex.'
'I'll look forward to it,' said God.
'Do that,' replied Daniel.
Xaddadaxx the Archer
Xaddadaxx the Archer of the Realm of Infinity, an angel of adventure, sat with Saruviel of Eternity, long time best buddy.
'Tell you what,' said Xad. 'If I can draw a longbow and aim, hit an apple at 1 kilometre, you give me your copy of 'Amazing Wonder Kid' number one.'
'You're not that good yet,' said Saruviel. 'What type of longbow, though?'
'It has the range. It's one of my own designs. It flies, baby.'
'A kilometre, you say?'
'I'll put the apple up outside your Kalphon office. Measure of a kilometre.'
'Do it blindfold, and wager your copy of 'Amazing Wonder Girl' number one, and it's a bargain.'
Xad spluttered a little, and looked at his buddy. 'Blindfold? I've got buckleys and none.'
'What? Chicken?' said Saruviel.
Daraqel looked at Saruviel. 'He's suckered you Alex.'
'It's a deal,' said Xaddadaxx.'
Saruviel looked at Daraqel. 'What the hell is that supposed to mean?'
'You'll see,' said Daraqel.
It took them a few hours, but they'd set up the apple, and marked off the distance, and Daraqel was with Xaddadaxx, with a very healthy looking longbow, and had a walkie talky with which he could talk to Saruviel, who was at the target. And a small crowd had gathered.
'Bastard is ready to shoot,' said Daraqel into the microphone.'
'Roger. Blindfold bastard,' said Saruviel. And spin him around a bit.'
Daraqel affixed the blindfold to Xad, and said to him, 'he wants you spun around a bit.'
'Fine,' said Xad.
Daraqel spun him around,' and said. 'Right. Shoot.'
Xaddadaxx took his bow, and wet his index finger, sticking it in the air to feel the wind. Then he steadied, aimed and released.
'Watch yourselves,' said Daraqel. 'Arrow has been released.'
The arrow flew and it flew and it flew, and very shortly afterwards came sailing into Kalphon, and hit the apple dead centre.
Saruviel glared at the arrow sticking in the dartboard they had used, and said to a workmate,'check that apple for a homing beacon please.'
The apple was summarily chopped up, but appeared innocent of any charges. Shortly Xad and Daraqel arrived, and they looked at the apple in pieces.
'How'd I do?' asked Xaddadaxx.
'How did you do it?' asked Saruviel.
'I've been flingin slingers for aeons,' said Xad. 'Eventually you learn a thing or two.'
The angel of adversity looked at the apple, and looked at his buddy. For once he was impressed. Very, very impressed.
Majestica the Magician
Majestica the Mage had a cloak. She was very proud of her cloak, for it was magical and fantastic, and it had been of great expense in the magic quarter of Zixvan City. The quarter was not really a quarter, just a jumble of crooked suburbs with crooked streets and crooked citizens. But after centuries of study and learning you understood it in the end, with all its weird faerie folk and strange fantastic creatures and beasts. Vardamon the Taylor made the finest cloaks in the Magic Quater, which was normally known as the Magic Quarter, or by those residents who had resided a while as 'Shabby Crabby Crossroads', because of the large statue of a crab which filled the central crossroads of the Magic Quarter, a meetup place and landmark used by many and sundry. Vardamon had set up shop not far from the Crab, andMajestica had worked in McDonalds in the 'Civilian world' of Zixvan for many years to afford her item of luxury. Her witch mother was pleased, her warlock father was proud of the purchase, but blasted Witch Queen of Eternity, Lucy Potter, said she had seen sackcloth garments more aesthetically pleasing. She was such bitch, Lucy Potter, but she had this little grin when she was finished with you and her sport, and smiled at you and said, 'I guess you'll work it out one day, young Mage,' and waved a friendly enough wave as she departed. Strangely, she seemed good in the end. Despite the sarcasm, which was thick and rife and regular, the heart seemed nice. She was apparently aged. As old as the hills, some said. She knew her history not, but had a small fascination. But that didn't matter. What mattered was her cloak, and her studies, and earning her place in a world were the finest were revered, and the lowest knew their place. And such was the life of Majestica the Magician.
* * * * *
'We're out of fries, boss,' said Majestica.
'Fuck!' swore the manager. 'Shipment not due till tomorrow. Fuck. Ok, take the van and go to the warehouse. Get some fries. Lunch is coming and we can't afford to dilly dally.'
Driving along the short trip to the warehouse, Majestica looked out over Zixvan City. A pretty shitty city were the teasing words of her boyfriend. But he came from a distant outer disc and had settled here for contractual reasons with his father's employ. She didn't like that in Eric. It bothered her, his sarcasm. It wasn't always friendly, it wasn't always kind. But she still thought she loved him. There might be better fish in the sea, but they didn't ask her to fish them out yet. But why would they? She was only slightly above average in looks, and had an awkward frame, with slightly large hips. In reality they were regular hips, but Majestica was self conscious. She passed the post office, turned right, and came around to the fries and other foodstuffs of MacDonalds warehouse. They loaded her up with enough fries, and she returned to work, and got on with her day. Later that night she was looking at her magic scroll written out for her by the scribe of her coven. They had assessed her carefully, and chosen 72 spells specifically suitable to Majestica the Mage. She had to rehearse them regularly, and think and meditate on them to develop the spiritual essence necessary for the spells to work. And it took hours of preparation, for she was only an average mage also, and when the spell was expended she had to charge up yet again. Such was the life of a witch. A spell she used most days was a 'Good Manners' spell, which she cast regularly, without him knowing, on herMacDonalds manager. He could get fowl and the spell kept him in check somewhat. It was something she recharged practically every day, as she knew she could need it at any given moment. She went to her coven every now and then – they held no specific meeting times, just when their head witch decided it was appropriate. But they did usually meet once a year in the first month on Galadon. It would have been the Melladon, but that was considered too busy for most of them. It set the agenda for the year, and they talked of the past year's conquests and accomplishments. Life was ok as a witch – she wouldn't change it – but she wanted to have a witchesadventure one day. Like in all the classic stories. Eventually some quest would come along, and this Lucy Potter seemed interesting. But for now she worked atMaccas, dated a boyfriend who was likely inadequate in the long term, and got on with her life. But something soon was about to change in the fortunes of MajesticaMartrameena.
Katy P and Danny D
'You know, Katheryn. You have a magnificent figure.'
Luladiel looked at Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly. 'You think that will get you into bed with me?'
'I doth protest. I am merely, in all human simplicity, praising another fine specimen of our species for her divinely made qualities which are apparent to all and sundry,' replied Daniel.
'You like the tits huh?' replied Katy.
Daniel blushed. 'Nay, your physique is majestic. A goddess would be jealous,' said Daniel.
'You hard up, huh?' asked Katy. 'Taylor hasn't been giving you any?'
'I think Venus herself would envy your delectable choice frame. Even the Celestials of the 77th heavens would dare not risk exposing themselves for fear of feeling inferior to your truly feminine glory.'
'What do you want?' asked Katy.
'I left my wallet at home. Do you mind paying for the meal?'
Katy sighed. It was going to be one of those days.
The wolves were loose. Daniel knew it when the wolves were loose. Ronald Dio had a sense of humour. He liked to let out the wolves. They chased Daniel, often, to 44Hardluck street in Zixvan City. But that was the wolves style. They knew exactly where to hound him to. He got in through a window, and found Tina in the back room, upstairs, listening to the Sound of Music on an old Record Player.
'Jax and Thax really suck,' said Daniel, about the Wolves of Dio.
'They are out for your blood,' responded Ms Arena.
'They shan't get it,' replied Daniel. 'I choose not to be myself. I choose to by myself, you see.'
Tina smiled. 'Cryptic as always Mr Daly.'
'Oh, it is simple enough logic fair maiden. For those of us who excel.' Favourite things came on. 'You are one of my favourite things, Ms Arena,' said Daniel.
'In your dreams,' she replied, and he smiled at the thought.
The night passed, and Daniel had drifted down to the basement library. He reached out and took a copy of 'The Book of the True Way of Craziness and Make Believe'. 'Fascinating,' said Daniel, reading as he sat in his favourite armchair. The night passed. The owl outside hooted in the wind. The moon shone. People next door were having sex. A typical night in the magic quarter of Zixvan City. Eventually, at 3 in the morning, early, a faint knock came from upstairs. Daniel went up and opened the front door. It was Majestica from down the street a little. The Mage.
'I need to see Tina,' she said softly. Daniel took her upstairs were Tina was asleep in her rocker. Daniel nudged her, and Tina's eyes opened. 'Majestica,' said Daniel.Majestica whispered something in Tina's ear, who nodded knowingly.
'That will do Daniel. Leave her with me,' said Tina. Daniel left and went back to the basement. He was starting to get tired. It was nearly daytime. He put the book back in the bookcase, and noticed 'Daniel 44' on the shelf. His favourite book at the current time. He picked it out and turned to the last page. 'Remember,' it read. 'Tina is gullible. Take advantage you idiot.' Daniel grinned, and put the book back on the shelf. In the evening the following day, when he was up for the night, Tina glared at him from the breakfast table.
'She kept me up till midday,' yawned Tina. 'Boy she has boy trouble.'
'Fascinating,' said Daniel. 'You know, T Girl, I remember, when I was young, I had a crush on you.'
She looked at him. 'Your not getting any,' she replied.
He smiled, but continued. 'Tina was the central girl of my life. It was the love of heaven I wanted.'
'How sweet,' said Tina. 'I think I need a brown paper bag.'
'Of course, there was Rebecca St James. Who was the queen of Australia? The protestant or the Catholic? Who indeed.'
Tina looked at him. 'Did you ever reach a conclusion on that issue?'
Daniel smiled. 'Genesis 9 my dear. But you were my heart much of the time regardless.'
'Lovely,' said Tina. 'Soulmate number 9 it is.
'You know, Jemba,' began Daniel. 'You don't fit as the Queen of HNF. Madonna says she is ready for her job back. How about official princess of the AOTDC. It's available. No official Princesses yet but we are ready for the next level of Authority. Gloryel is big boss girl of AOTDC, but you'd make an excellent Princess.'
Tina looked at him. 'Fine. Sign me up. Something new to do for eternity.'
'The work is good,' said Daniel. 'You only have to sleep with me every now and again.'
Tina stood, came around, and looked at Daniel, right in the eyes. Then she kissed him on the lips and said,' 'You'll be lucky.'
Daniel watched as she left the room, and smiled to himself. 'Progress,' thought the diabolical one. 'She'll crack soon enough.'
* * * * *
'Daniel 44 teaches that the word of the Lord if purified seven times over. Thus Danielic visions of glory are fulfilled seven times over.'
'Fascinating,' replied Jemba sarcastically.
'Yes. Daniel was fulfilled in ancient days, the time of Babylon of old. Yet the second fulfilment arose in the years up to Judgement day. The actual resurrection took place in the second fulfillment of things, yet it is speculated that the dead were raised from Sheol to Heaven in the time just after the Abomination of Desolation caused by Antiochus Epiphanes IV. However, the word needed purification, it did seem, and the prophecy worked to what spiritual faith and strength there was in that era. Yet again, in the Realm of Eternity, the sarcasm of the third fulfilment was plain and obvious to see. And in the days of David the Cherubim, the fourth fulfilment had fun with the Revelation of John, but didn't take it that seriously in the end. And since then Cherubim Daniel has rested, but the fifth cleansing is soon upon us. Verily I do sayeth.'
'Verily dost thou, noble gent?' inquired Jemba.
'As verily as I am Callodyn the Cherubim it indeed doth,' replied Daniel.
'So I've entered like a dragon mid picture, have I?' asked Majestica.
Daniel looked at her. 'There is a time for everything under the sun, and I am quite sure that Majestica Martrameena was born exactly when and where MajesticaMartrameena needed to be born. No sooner – no later – right on time.'
'You're sweet,' replied Majestica.
'It's also psalm 12 which teaches that,' said Daniel. 'Where the idea originated. About the word being fulfilled and purified 7 times.'
'Oh,' replied Majestica. 'I'll remember that.'
'A minor point, there appeared to be a possible abomination of desolation in 70 AD with the sacking of Jerusalem, so that might have been the strength of a secondfulfillment of the prophesy, but not enough for a resurrection. It was speculated that 2020 of the Common Era and 2033 of the Common Era would be the dates, but they came and went, and then 2240, or the year 6000 in the Jewish calendar was speculated, but that was not quite yet for the grandiosity which led up to Judgment Day. Deep down I have a hunch that those years might have had things which were part of the 7 fulfillments of things, but only at the Judgment Day was there strength for the actual resurrection which finally ocurred. So in this sense, which I think is probably the truth, the latter Realm of Eternity and Realm of Infinity things were just a bit of fun from Destiny.'
'Fascinating,' replied Majestica. 'Now let's talk magic.'
Daniel sighed. 'If you must, Majestica the Mage. If you must.'
Ambriel and Daniel on a Mission
Ambriel and Daniel were on a mission. Something new.
'Fizzpop,' said Ambriel. 'I've never drunk fizzpop in the nude, while having sex with a woman. That's something I've never done.'
'Really frikking original, bloke,' replied Daniel. 'Here we are, stuck in Zaphon for a millennia, and I'm challenging us both to come up with some new ideas for experiences we've never had, and you think of fucking while drinking Pepsi Cola.'
'Well, I prefer Sprite,' replied Ambriel.
Daniel glared at him.
'Well it's hard. I'm an old angel. What year in the HY calendar is this anyway?' queried Ambriel.
'Some God forbidden number which Loquiel can probably tell you whether its a prime number or not,' replied Daniel.
'Cimbrel. He's the mathematician,' retorted Ambriel.
Daniel glared at him again.
'Come on bro, use your imagination,' said Daniel. 'There's gotta be some new shit we can get up to. It gets boring at this stage, I bet, in Destiny's machinations. She's probably running on empty, and using old fodder to keep us going. No new ideas.'
'I'm sure she's busy enough. There are a lot of angels to keep busy with now in her plans,' replied Ambriel.
'True,' stated Daniel. He laid there, on his bed in the dorms of Zaphon, the Seraphim dorms, thinking. In all honesty this dilemma was solved well enough a long time ago. He had plenty of things he liked doing over and over again forever, and they'd already discussed that, he and Ambriel, that life was full of plenty of good things to do. Elaborate goldfish they may be, swimming around a fishpond, forgetting things after a moment, even if from a perspective far greater than an actual goldfish. But it was the same in the end anyway. But Daniel got a buzz from doing something creatively new from time to time, so he'd challenged both of them to come up with some fun new ideas.
'Perhaps we get 17 monkeys, line them up in a row, and take pictures of them eating bananas,' suggested Ambriel.
'More Michael's sort of dodgy humour,' replied Daniel.
'We could change it to dodo birds mating,' said Ambriel.
'I like your inspiration, but think again. We need something original. A new concept. Something to make a splash,' said Daniel.
'We could report on Michael's glorious return from Zionistya to the overseer of Zaphora's job again,' prided Ambriel.
'Bland,' replied Daniel. 'And he hasn't got the Realm wide job either. Just shitty little Zaphora.'
'Zaphora is wonderful,' defended Ambriel.
'I know,' said Daniel. 'Think harder bro. Something we HAVEN'T done before.'
'Ok. This is my genius at work. We take nudies of all the female Seraphim in disguise, and do giant sculptures of them 50 feet high, place them all around Zaphon, and get the world's media for the unfolding. We tell them its all a special work of God, and don't let on.'
'I like your thinking,' said Daniel. 'Go on.'
'Perhaps a few are caught in an embarassing situation,' said Ambriel. 'Not Meludiel though.'
Daniel took out his mobile.
'What you doing?' asked Ambriel.
'Mistrel. He knows people. We'll have this done in a few weeks. Shouldn't take long. The experts are quick these days.'
''But make sure they are tasteful,' said Ambriel.
'Yep, sure thing,' said Daniel, but the grin on his face summed it all up.
* * * * *
'And,' continued Loquiel, in front of the gathered press, and the presence of the entire corpus of Seraphim and elder Cherubim of the Realm of Eternity, 'the work is truly memorable. It will last for the ages, and pay true homage to the Age of Innocence to which we have so much to thank for.'
People clapped and Loquiel signalled to the angel holding the cord, who pulled it, revealing a proud and large statue of Elenniel, down on all fours, looking very, very erotic. There were several gasps – several. And as the other statues were revealed one by one, Meludiel looked right at Daniel, with daggers in her eyes which were the deadliest Daniel had yet seen in his sister.
'As you can see, they are quite alluring,' said Loquiel. 'We tried to capture the spirit of Eros as much as we could.'
The crowd was stunned. And then the giggles started, and Michael came forward.
'Yes,' he said to the media. 'Yes, the works,' he said, looking up at the large breasts of his sister, almost heaving with sexual anticipation. 'The works are truly eyecatching aren't they.
He was red all over, and Elenniel was glaring a look at him he wouldn't forget any time soon. Not any time soon at all.
* * * * *
'I'm grounded for a century,' said Ambriel dejectedly. 'She won't let me see her for a hundred years.'
Daniel shrugged. 'Sharlamane came around. Said the sculptures were hilarious and had lightened things up wonderfully.'
'Well one thing which won't be light will be my sack in a century. It will be bursting for attention then,' replied Ambriel sarcastically.
Daniel looked down at Ambriel's crotch. 'Oh, I know this place. Just out in Terraphora. They have this red light which is on 24/7,' and as Daniel continued on all Ambriel could think to himself was 'Why me?'
Melanie and Daniel 11
Daniel was sitting out the front of Danielphon, with his earphones on, whiling away the day. It was a warm day, not too hot, and life was passing by out the front, people occasionally pointing at himself, a well known Seraphim, as they got along with their day in Zaphona city. He sat there, sipping on his flask of watermelon juice, which he'd made that morning for the day of sitting watching the world go by. It was just another day. Another day in paradise.
A couple with a kid walked past. They waved at Daniel and the kid yelled out 'Seraphim crazy dude'. Daniel gave him the finger in response, which caused the embarrassed parents to grab their child and move on. Yep, a typical day at Danielphon.
Later on he was inside for the afternoon grind. Ariel was in town today, doing work on her power women brunch business thing, and he was lonely. He put on a CD of the Spice Girls, grabbed the cold pizza, and sat there on the couch, relaxing. He looked at the photo of Valandriel on the wall, which was always motivation for the DanVal alliance, but thought he'd leave it be today. Not today.
He munched on his pizza.
Melanie C walked in as Viva Forever was playing.
'Well, here you are,' she said. 'Finally found you.'
He looked at her. 'I haven't exactly been hiding, babe.'
She looked at him, and sat down next to him.
'Yes, I can sense it. Just like Meludiel and Ariel have said. Greatly diminished. Far, far less of it now.'
'Far far less of what?' asked Daniel perplexed.
'Daniel!' she replied, and picked up the CD cover for the Spice Girls album, looked at it briefly, and then picked up a copy of Vogue magazine, leaving Daniel gawking at her, thinking about what she had said.
'I assure you I am still 100% Daniel,' said Daniel, almost defiantly, as if his manhood was at stake.
She turned to him.
'No. No, you're not. You're Daniel the Seraphim again.'
He thought on that, looked at her briefly, then looked forward, lying back in the couch.
'That's exactly my point,' said Melanie. 'You actually use your brain now, which is a rarity. You think about what people say. The crazed impulsive sarcastic quick replies are gone. Ariel has been saying so for months now.'
'No there not,' he replied. He looked at her. 'Are they?'
'I think you finally got over your ego rush,' said Melaniel. 'Back to the way God made you to start with.'
'Oh,' said Daniel.
She put down the magazine. 'I'll pick you up. Tonight. About 6. We'll go to Az's place, and then out to the disco.'
'Sure,' he replied.
She kissed him then, on the cheek. 'It's really a pleasant relief, bro. I much prefer the original Daniel. Once he got over his Meludiel crush, he was quite fine.'
'Gee, thanks,' replied Daniel.
And then Melanie was gone, leaving a perplexed Daniel the Seraphim wondering what all that was about.
* * * * *
Everything was opposite. Melaniel had her tongue down Daniel's throat. Melanie paid the bill. Melanie drove the 'Danielmobile' around Zaphona city. Melanie decided when they were going home, at about 3 in the morning, and they did, and Melanie pushed Daniel down to satisfy HER desire in the masterbed of Danielphon. And Daniel just took it.
It was 3 weeks later, he was with the old man, Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly, who looked at him.
'Change is a bullshit excuse,' said Cherubim Daniel.
'It's all I've got,' said Daniel, pouring out some Nutri Grain at the breakfast table of Danielphon.
'Nutrigrain?' asked Cherubim Daniel. 'Where the frick are the fruit loops? Luladiel jokes are now ancient on fruit loops. Don't tell me you've sold out son?'
'That's getting old,' said Seraphim Daniel. 'I think you need some new material for your woman. Anyway, I've noticed Callodyn gawking at her these days. I think he's trying to get them back.'
'He's got buckleys and none,' replied Cherubim Daniel, shaking his head at the healthy Nutrigrain being eaten by his offspring.
Melanie came in. She was in her knickers and a T-Shirt which had 'Girl Power' on it.
'So you da bitch then?' Cherubim Daniel asked her.
'Bite it Danny Boy,' replied Melanie, took the toast which Seraphim Daniel had buttered and put marmalade on, and was about to eat, and grabbed a can of Coke, and disappeared back to her room.
'I see she wears the fricking pants now,' said Cherubim Daniel, shaking his head disapprovingly at his boy.
'She's tough,' said Daniel. 'I love her. I can't afford to lose her. She told me that when she did my astrological reading.'
'For fuck's sake,' said Cherubim Daniel, shaking his head looking at his son.
'I need her,' said Daniel the Seraphim, almost weakly. 'We NEED our women so much. She has told me that. Without them we'd be nothing.'
'For fuck's sake,' said Daniel again. 'She's given you the works by the looks of it. I think this is what the power women of Zaphona city have been chatting about on and off for ages now. How to rule the world. I've heard whispers of their tactics.'
'I love Melanie with all my heart,' said Daniel, looking up with innocent eyes at his father.
'For fuck's sake,' said Cherubim Daniel, continuing to shake his head in unbelief. Something NEEDED to be done.
* * * * *
'It's pretty special,' said Daniel, looking at the aquamarine pendant.
'I think so,' said Melaniel, trying it on around her neck. 'You'll buy it for me of course,' she said winking. He produced his card. They were in Zaphona's most expensive jewellery store, with ancient items from the early years. Very, very expensive items because of their age.
Melaniel put the green and brown tropical dress on when she got home, and displayed her pendant with pride. She felt a million bucks.
Cherubim Daniel was at the table with his son.
'She happy?' he asked her.
'She's a million bucks. I can tell,' said Daniel in reply.
Cherubim Daniel nodded. 'Buy her that Powerpuff Girls Comic she's wanted for aeons. I'll lend you the cash if you need it.'
'It's a major investment old man. That's 2020s stuff. None of that for sale these days.'
'The store has had it on commission forever,' replied Cherubim Daniel. 'May as well claim it now.'
'I'll look into it,' replied Seraphim Daniel. 'Anyway, she's happy. Astrology charts aren't that important anymore. Pride isn't that important anymore. She's happy.'
'It's called middle age malaise,' replied Cherubim Daniel soberly. 'In our ancient days it comes to us at times. We think love is the final answer and we give our loved ones all their say. It's a phase. It will pass. Probably best to go with the flow of it for now, because we do love our loved ones. But you'll get back to yourself soon enough.'
Daniel looked at his old man. 'Fine,' he said, and stood and got the fruit loops from the cupboard. Melanie came in and said 'I don't think so,' trying to snatch them, but Daniel grabbed the, and gave her a look.
'Yes boss,' she said softly. 'If you insist then. But YOU are supposed to eventually look at your own health choices. We shouldn't have to rebuke you forever.'
'He's marginally overweight,' said Cherubim Daniel. 120 kilograms. For his height its not really a problem. A slight belly. I bet it doesn't really bother you.'
Melanie glared at Cherubim Daniel and sat down. 'No, the weight is fine. But he should seek to be perfect eventually. Those things are a once a year treat at most. Not every fricking day.'
Daniel poured out his fruit loops, poured on the milk, and ate.
'Yep,' he replied. 'Once a year at most.'
Melanie just looked on disapprovingly.
'Anyway, he loves you heaps,' said Cherubim Daniel to Melanie.
'I know,' she replied. 'He's faithful to his primary lovers. He doesn't stray any more.'
Daniel looked up at her. 'Of course not dear, ' and stole a glance at his old man.
'Yeh,' said Cherubim Daniel. 'Faithful. Well I must be going. Going home today. See you again next year the same time.'
Daniel went off to pack, and Melanie looked at Daniel. 'Tonight we have a treat. The girls will be coming around.'
'Brilliant,' said Daniel. It could be an interesting evening.
'dn't peek,' said Victoria to Daniel.
'He would peak,' said Lucy Potter.
'I'm innocent,' said Daniel, standing guiltily in the hallway, trying not to be too obvious in his gazing in at Gloryel in one of her traditional Spice Girl's outfits.
'Bro,' shouted out Valandriel. 'Your making a fool of us. Get back in here.'
Daniel came back to the kitchen, were Ambriel was concentrating on his cards, and Cherubim Daniel was looking confident. They were gambling the supply of honey roasted cashews. The winner got to eat them.
'I'll fold,' said Ambriel.
'What a wuss,' said Valandriel. 'I'll raise 1 nut.'
'You are a nut,' said Cherubim Daniel.
'I resent that statement. Make it two nuts,' said Valandriel.
'I'll fold,' said Daniel the Seraphim who was on his feet again back up the hallway.
'Give him a break,' said Cherubim Daniel. 'He hasn't seen Gloryel in ages. He misses her.'
'They had a fight,' said Ambriel. 'She wouldn't talk to him EVER again. She finally softened recently. Could be fireworks tonight.'
Daniel braved the room, and came down and sat on the bed.
'You look good,' he said to her.
She looked at him from the reflection in the mirror, as she was putting on her makeup, but said nothing.
'I mean, it's been a long time. Time moves on. Water under the bridge.'
'And your still fucking Melanie Chisholm,' said Gloryel. 'No one woman man yet.'
'That'll be Ariel in the end anyway,' he said, looking away.
'Mmm,' she replied. 'I suspect so.'
'I still love ya babe,' he said to her.
She stood, came over and stood in front of him. 'I know,' she said, and walked out the room.
He went back to the kitchen, and sat down a little dejectedly, but happy Gloryel was speaking to him again.
'She's forgive you?' asked Valandriel.
'Only somewhat I think,' replied Daniel.
'Well that's a start. Now lets play for nuts,' replied Valandriel, and they continued on with their poker game.
* * * * *
'I don't really want to talk about Sariel's endowment,' declined Gloryel.
'Yeh, I know its a pretty crude topic,' said Daniel the Seraphim. 'Conversation, you know.'
'The all-knowing Daniel the Seraphim has run out of conversation topics?' queried Gloryel.
'Don't believe it,' said Melanie. 'He might be winding you up. But he has softened these days.'
'I heard about that,' said Gloryel, sitting on the couch as the music played, in the front room of Danielphon. Ambriel and Victoria were dancing, and Cherubim Daniel was sipping on ginger beer, tapping his fingers, while Lucy had her Tarot cards and was giving Valandriel a reading.
'I've not changed at all,' prided Daniel. 'I am who I always have been. I think, though, a set of paradigms have run their course. Sarcastic frivolity mainly.'
'To entertain us all,' said Melanie knowingly, looking at Daniel.
'To entertain us,' said Daniel, and picked up a twiggy sausage from the tray on the coffee table.
'All Ambriel and Michael ever say is to be yourself anyway,' said Gloryel, sipping on a tonic water with vodka.
'True,' said Daniel. 'I suppose we can't escape being ourself anyway, though. Whatever we may scheme up, its our own way of expressing our own thoughts. Maybe we just mature in time, though. And maybe that is more of what people think we really are like.'
'Or what we were all along,' said Melanie. 'Just hiding it because of embarrassment of not being accepted by some.'
'People can be judgmental,' said Ambriel, interrupting. 'We can find it difficult to relax around a lot of harsher people.'
Daniel, Melanie and Gloryel seemed to all nod as one on that point.
'So is it still a six inch stonker when erect?' asked Daniel.
Melanie burst out laughing, but Gloryel just looked at Daniel disapprovingly. 'You're an idiot,' she said to him. He just grinned back.
* * * * *
It was late, and they were out the back of Danielphon, on the cricket pitch, in the darkness, lying on their backs, looking up at the stars. The rest were inside, in mild states of intoxication, but he and Melanie were on the cricket pitch, her head on his belly, looking up at the stars. You could actually see some of the distant stars circling the planetary bodies of humanity's section of the spiritual universe.
'If I could name a star for you, I would,' said Daniel, and hiccupped, full of butterscotch schnapz.
'Go on then. Name one for me,' said Melanie.
Daniel looked up. 'That one,' he said. 'Right up high, in the centre of the sky.'
'Fortunata,' replied Melanie. 'That's the Fortunata star system. It's all about good luck and fortune there.'
'I now name it Melanata,' replied Daniel.
Melanie sighed, and looked up.
Yeh, I know it sounds like a skin disease,' said Daniel momentarily. Melanie did not respond at this point. 'Or possibly a french coffee on the list nobody really wants to try.' Melanie nudged him on that one. 'Or a new age design company which makes decorations for kids playgrounds of esoteric concepts.'
'You know Daniel,' replied Melanie. 'Of all the people I have ever met in my long life as a Spice Girl of fame and an Angel Divine, you are definitely YOU. There is none quite like YOU.'
'Your all heart,' replied Daniel, burped, farted, and smiled. He felt good. The alcohol was feeling good. Melanie's head had shifted to a comfortable position on his crotch ironically.
'Mel. That's a good position. You don't want to turn over, do you?'
Melanie giggled. 'Dream on Seraphim Daniel,' she replied. 'Dream on.'
So he gazed at the stars, and they fell asleep, and while it was the morning sprinkler which woke him, he didn't mind, for it had been a very good night to remember.
Daniel was again sitting out the front of Danielphon. Those parents walked by again, and the bratty kid was with them. They talked among themselves a bit, and the kid came up the pathway of Danielphon and gave Daniel a painting, said 'Sorry', and left. Daniel looked at the painting. It was of him as an angel with Melanie, and while it was early work, it was still quite good. The kid himself had done it by the looks of it. He took it inside and put it on the wall on the corkboard in the kitchen.
Melanie and Daniel were drinking beer on the couch, watching the A-Team.
'Nice picture. Who did it?' asked Melanie.
'Some kid who gives me the shits,' said Daniel. 'It was his way of apologizing.'
'He must be a fan.'
'I think his parents made him do it,' replied Daniel.
'We all learn like that,' said Melanie. 'Doing what our parents tell us to do. We're hardly bastions of wisdom otherwise.'
Daniel sipped on his beer, and watched the show. Time passed. The sky got a little darker, and Ariel came home after a busy day, noticed Melanie was STILL a house guest, and said she'd be with Francine next door if she was wanted.
'Who is Francince anyway?' Melanie asked Daniel. 'And how long has she been next door?'
'Francine Jones,' said Daniel. 'Bestie of Lucy Potter.'
'Oh,' replied Melanie. 'You know her?'
'Quite well. I think you've seen her around the traps over the years.'
'Probably,' said Melanie.
'She's a good friend of uncle Greg and Auntie Jacinta. She has always wanted to be in the heart of Eternity and has been saving her money forever to buy a place near someone she knew of. She chose me, as the place next door was leased for aeons, she made an offer, and they accepted.'
'Right,' said Melanie. 'Francine Jones. Is she cute?'
'Oh, she has her own charm,' said Daniel.
'I see,' said Melanie, and said nothing more.
The A-Team finished and they ordered chinese takeaway, and Daniel was in the kitchen doing the crossword of all things.
'Its one from puzzlebox,' said Daniel. 'Very challenging crosswords. Any legal language word can be used, and the clues are extremely cryptic. I think Archangel Gabriel owns the company.'
'Yes, Gab owns Puzzlebox,' said Melanie. 'They make puzzles in wooden and plastic boxes. Very challenging ones. I think I bought you one once.'
'Rings a faint bell,' said Daniel, and continued on with his puzzle. Melanie looked at him, in his white vest, pants, looking very calm and relaxed.
'Your like your grandfather Cyril,' she said to him.
He looked up at her. 'How so?'
'The Daly in you. Meek, in the end. Daly's. A quiet people. Chisholm's have their own qaulities, and all the families do. I know what Daly's are made of, though. They calm down in the end, as well, the excitable ones.'
'I've been conquered, then,' said Daniel, and smiled at her, returning to his crossword. She looked at him. She looked at this angel she was all too fond of, and thought to herself, time has conquered, in the end, Daniel the Seraphim. Only Time. And she thought that the greatest irony of all, as she returned to the lounge, finished off the chinese, and another fine day passed in Danielphon Keep, in the city of Zaphona, in the Disc of Zaphora, in the Realm of Eternity, in the eternal and true Kingdom of God.
* * * * *
'My name is Daniel Daly,' said the angel to the busy shopfront worker.
'Place of residence?' asked the counterman.
'Danielphon,' replied Daniel.
'Where is that? I don't have time for bullshit today.'
Daniel almost swore. 'Just process the damn license,' he snarled.
'Have a nice day,' replied the man, and handed him his new Zaphona city driver license. Michael, every current citizen of Zaphona agreed, was an asshole. Licence renewals, garbage truck renewal forms, rates renewals, every damn permit under creation required to be renewed now for residence in Zaphona city. The central disc overseer was having a fucking go. Absolute asshole.
He walked into Danielphon, collapsed on the lounge, and tried turning on the TV. Nothing happened.
'We need a license now,' said Melanie, coming in the room. 'To use a TV in Zaphona.'
Daniel's jaw actually did drop open – Melanie wished she had her iphone with her to get a shot.
'He's a cunt,' said Daniel, and put on a DVD. 'He was born a cunt, he'll live a cunt, and if I have my way he'll die a cunt. A dead cunt. Satan was not this obnoxious.'
'Cheer up. There's worse. The new rates bill is for a Billion years in advance to be considered a 'True' and 'Loyal' citizen of Zaphona. And its a whopper of a figure.'
Daniel glared at her, and turned towards the TV. 'Use my card in the desk. It has enough.'
'Are you sure?' she asked.
'It HAS enough,' he replied.
Later on she confirmed the payment went through, and when he checked it online he sighed. It was quite high actually. He'd been thinking it over. Michael was in a powerplay mood. Using his Aces these days. Doing what a realm disc overseer could do and get away with legally. He had a trump card. He was Arch Regent of the Realm. It could be an interesting power struggle. He didn't want one at the moment – probably why he was getting one. He'd pacified recently. Calmed down a lot. Got back to his true angelic self according to Melanie. Would he rise to this fight? The Daniel in him said yes. But the Daly in him said 'bide your time, idiot. Let him play his cards, and get around to what you need to do.' This time he listened to the Daly.
'We're eating next door tonight,' he said. 'With Ariel and Francine. Francine invited us. We'll chat about the new agenda.'
Melanie smiled, and took off her oven mits, looked at the baked chicken in the oven, which she was about to serve up, and sighed. 'Oh well. Lunch sandwiches for a few days.'
'Is the job to be as an obnoxious bastard as possible?' Gabriel asked Michael.
'Sorry. Can't comply. Daniel already has that job taken,' responded Michael from the Overseers desk of Zaphona City, not the Realm overseer, but the central disc overseer. 'Ooh, I got a treasure map,' said Michael. Michael was playing Wrath of Pharaoh Tutunkhamun 97, the latest in the saga of Egyptian adventure RPGs.
'Why are you being such a prick about things?' asked Gabriel. 'I've had complaints at Terraphon all day long these days. Why is Michael being a wanker in Zaphona? They have all sorts of problems needing travel permits and taxes to pay, and business trade is a disaster.'
'Listen, Gab. I have countless pissed off Israelis stuck down in Zionistya, and believe me the weather is pretty shitty down below. Never stops raining. I have slipped back into this job because nobody challenged me, so I'm going to bear my fricking grudge against Daniel and co as best I can buddy.'
'Farbeit from Michael the Seraphim to exude some grace I take it,' replied Gabriel. 'Your firstborn Michael. How about acting like it.'
'The treasure map is in Latin. I know Latin. I'll take this quest,' said Michael, typing away at the PC.
'Torah forbids grudges. Israel's Torah anyway,' suggested Gabriel, thinking how to get to his brother.
'The Torah can go oof,' replied Michael. 'I shan't be judged by master Moshe these days. I shall contemplate my own divine truths.'
'Part of keeping the faith is actually keeping the faith,' countered Gabriel.
Michael turned to look at Gabriel. 'There's a Catholic cathedral just down the road a little. Send my regards to the reverend.'
Gabriel just shook his head, frustrated at Michael's current insolence, but decided to leave it at that for the moment. He'd registered his concerns. Michael, he assumed, would get over it soon enough. He hoped.
* * * * *
'How about being the bigger man about it,' said Melanie. 'I know you've changed a lot in recent times. Michael has always had to be perfect. Why don't you try doing that for a while? Let Michael have his fun. He'll get over it.'
Daniel sighed. 'Do we have any mayonaisse? I can't find it anywhere. This chicken would be great on a roll with mayo.'
'It's in the cupboard,' said Melanie. 'Personally I think condiments, apart from butter usually, are better off in the pantry. Room temperature makes them pour more easily.'
'That is actually true, Mel. People like the hygiene of the fridge, but I think I might agree with you. Ariel must refrigerate the stuff though. Health concerns. Doesn't let me eat much junk usually.'
Melanie looked at Daniel's belly which had been getting a little bigger in recent times. 'I see why she's your twin, I guess. Knows how to keep you under control.'
'That she does, babe,' replied Daniel. 'Yeh, ok. I'll go with the flow of Mikey Dkyes BS for the moment. Let him dig his own grave.'
'You do that,' said Melanie. 'The situation will resolve itself soon enough I would imagine.'
'Do we have any more cola?' asked Daniel.
'Cupboard again,' said Melanie. 'I prefer it at room temperature.'
'For fricks sa...,' but he trailed off seeing Melanie concern on her face with the language she was expecting, and said nothing more, but got the cola from the pantry, and headed to the lounge.
He clicked on the TV, and tuned in BBC International News.
'…......and so the tax rate for high income earners in Zaphona City in the upper bracket of earnings will increase from 33%, which has been the rate for aeons, to 51%. Effective immediately as per Seraphim Michael's official tax reform package.'
Daniel looked at the TV for a moment, then flicked it off with the remote, and grumbled quietly.
'It's not too big a rise,' said Melanie. 'You can afford it.'
'Ok. I'll be the bigger man,' said Daniel softly.
'Good,' she said.
The afternoon was quiet, as Daniel sat reading 'Pawn of Prophecy' by David Eddings, and Melanie doing some knitting of a jumper. Daniel had read the book countless times before, but that was what you did with your eternity in the end. The same old same old, routines which worked, which he and Valandriel had discussed and worked out a long time ago. Spice it up occasionally and be a bit spontaneous, but usually life affirming and happy routines.
'Ask him if there is anything you can do for him. Ask politely,' said Melanie.
'Huh?' asked Daniel.
'Ask Michael politely if there is anything you can do for him.'
'And why on Earth would I do that?' asked Daniel.
'Trust me,' she replied. 'A woman knows these things.'
He looked at her puzzled, shrugged, and returned to his book. 'Ok,' he said momentarily. 'I'll ask.'
'Good,' she replied, and left the room, leaving Daniel thinking about what he wanted to say to Michael, but then agreeing to do it Melanie's way. For the moment anyway. For the moment.
'Yeh. Sewerage worker for Zaphon tower. I need a temp for about a year. A bloke on holiday,' said Michael. 'It's normally handled internally by Zaphon Tower management, but I was at a meeting recently, and said I'd fill the job with someone if they didn't mind.'
Daniel looked squarely at Michael. 'Does it involve shit?'
'Quite a bit,' replied Michael, equally as squarely.
Daniel looked down, grumbled that grumble again, and looked up smiling. 'Sure, older brother. I'll do that job for you. Oh, and one other thing. Can we meet for drinks in the upstairs bar later this evening. Ronnie Dio I am sure will be in fine form on the piano, and Cheryl promises a good evening after midnight. We can have a few drinks and chat. Catch up on things.'
Michael looked at Daniel, and tried to sense the motivation. 'Sure than Dan. We can do that.'
'See you then,' replied Daniel, and left.
Later, when Michael had finished for the day, he retired to his overseer office and picked up the phone to ring Elenniel at her own oveseers office on her own disc.
'Hey babe. How was your day?' he asked her.
'Difficult. But life is challenging, and angels must respond eternally to that challenge serving our great God.'
'That we must,' replied Michael. 'I'm having late drinks with Daniel after midnight.'
'Be nice,' said Elenniel.
'Am I ever anything but,' replied Michael.
'I know the other side of you,' she said. 'You can have a streak at times, even you. Be kind.'
* * * * *
'So you belong in Zionistya. If you see my logic,' said Daniel. 'It's chalk and cheese in the end. Circumcision is too challenging to unify on. There is always disagreements of policy. It doesn't work well.'
'Mm,' said Michael. 'Well I don't know if I care if it works well or not. We'll reclaim our position up here one way or another. There is nothing legal to prevent us. It was just the will of the people to kick us out for a while.'
'Wisdom would listen to the will of the people,' said Daniel.
'Wisdom often has two sides to a story,' replied Michael. 'And a lot of Israelis and Abrahamides will be migrating upwards soon enough.'
'Then you'll learn again the hard way,' said Daniel and sighed.
'That we will do,' finished Michael.
They sipped on their drinks and listened as Cheryl sang 'Holy Diver' in a jazzy way, Ronnie excellent on the keyboards tonight.
'You could try getting along better,' said Daniel. 'And not being such a separatist cult. You guys exclude everyone from your assemblies, and then expect to live in our same world. It's a frikking joke dude.'
Michael did not respond, but sipped on his wine.
'If that is the way you want it, then that is what you will do I guess,' said Daniel. 'We can't change you into something you are unwilling to be. But it pisses people off. I don't think you guys get that bit in your wisdom. You just do what you want and expect to be accepted on it, and be esteemed as something wise. But you don't see the attitude you give everyone. And you think you guys are cool in being like that. Really, it just sucks.'
Michael looked at Daniel for a moment, but let the moment go, and went back to himself.
'Yeh, I suppose that is why Hitler hated your guts. Always an attitude problem.
'Hitler was evil,' replied Michael.
'He was also fricking honest,' replied Daniel.
'So you say,' replied Michael.
Daniel sighed again. 'Ok. When do I start?'
Michael's eyes lit up. 'Next week. I'll introduce you to your supervisor.'
'Sounds great,' said Daniel.
'I'm sure you'll get a kick out of serving Zaphona City. We do appreciate it,' grinned Michael.
'I'll bet,' said Daniel. And they sipped on wine, and enjoyed a little more night music.
* * * * *
The year came, the year went, Daniel did his job, fulfilled his contract, and showed up at Michael's desk.
'Ok boss. Tax rate is 33%. No more permit and tax and license fees bullshit. Back to standard prices, or I pull rank buster,' said the 45th Seraphim.
Michael grinned. 'Fine. Ok. I'll return to standard practices.'
Daniel nodded, and as he left he heard the little snigger and 'I hoped you enjoyed the shit.' He refrained from commenting.
At home Ariel was around, with no Melanie in sight.
'Ok. Time is up,' said Ariel.
Daniel looked at her. 'Yep. Good. That's good.'
He looked at the calendar. 'Oh, yeah. New year. Hey, look at all the zeroes.'
'Notice the aeon number,' said Ariel.
Daniel looked. 'Fancy that. We've reached the next level. But time inevitably moves on. Good time for reflection.'
'And an oath made in Jindabyne a long time ago,' replied Ariel.
Daniel looked at her, then looked more concentratedly at her. 'That was a LONG time ago Ariel.'
'You swore,' she said.
'Yes,' he said sombrely. 'I did.'
Later that evening, Ariel was next door, and Melanie came in.
'Ok, Mel. Well I'm getting married.'
Melanie looked surprised. 'Who to? I thought you were over that?'
'Eternally. To Ariel. A certain oath was made for a certain aeon. Unless other circumstances determined otherwise, which they haven't babe, then I'm hers forever.'
'Oh, uh,' said the Spice Girl. 'What, you want me to frikking leave?'
'Come back in 5 years for a holiday. And we'll conclude our romance. It's plutonic after that babe.'
'Oh,' said Melanie. There was a gleam in her eye. Daniel noticed it.
'I had the commit to Ariel. You would have had to have the commit to me which superseded it. There was discussion on what qualified. It didn't eventuate.'
'Oh,' said Melanie. She sat down. She sat there, and Daniel went into the kitchen. She looked around Danielphon, and thought on her memories. He'd been a love of her life. What she'd thought would be an eternal love of her life. But not now. Not anymore. Melanie and Daniel were never meant to be again.
She packed her bags, left a note, and had written see you in five. When Daniel found it he made a note, and placed it on his PC. Last drinks with Mel in 5. Don't forget. He cried for a while that night. In the morning he felt better, and Ariel came around and made them breakfast, and he knew he'd cope in the end. Life went on, in the end, anyway. Life went on.
Devuel and Luladiel
'Lara's gone, babe,' said Devuel.
Luladiel nodded. 'We're far from compatible.'
'You and Daniel have drifted apart,' said Devuel. 'You don't even stay there anymore. It's only him and Taylor.'
'He loves her more,' said Katy.
'Then how about it?'
Luladiel spoke with Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly the Cherubim at length a few weeks later.
'You're not going to end up with your twin. That much is obvious. Most of the Cherubim don't care for that idea,' said Luladiel.
'Too much grief with her mother, and I only like her somewhat,' replied Daniel. 'But, yes. We've drifted a little. The heart tunes in to where it belongs eventually.'
'Then we'll separate and divorce?' asked Katy.
They did so.
Devuel and Luladiel were in Saruviel's office in Kalphon.
'You always were the devil's own,' said Daraqel, looking at the golf ball Kantriel was about to putt.
'I mean, give me a break,' said Kantriel. 'Daly was only a fascination because he liked you so much for a while.'
'We're not marrying,' said Katy to the office. 'Me and Devuel. I'm over those ideas. They were youth and innocence, and I'm not that anymore. I don't think I ever will be again.'
'Then fornicate your asses off,' said Saruviel, and took the golf putter and putted the ball perfectly into the cup.
Luladiel looked at Devuel on the couch. 'Your too much of a liar for me to ever trust you anyway. At least this way it's more honest about the situation.'
'And I love you too babe,' replied Devuel, and picked up the copy of the Playboy magazine which had been in Saruviel's office for many a fine aeon.
'Pretty much sums it up,' remarked Luladiel, and sighed. Of course, she could always go off and kiss a girl. Yeh, she should do that. She really should. And maybe a lot more besides.
David and Gemma
Gemma smiled. David had proposed at last. Justine was finally settled with her old husband out on a planetary body, and the fascination with Ms Atkinson was complete. And then he'd said to her Meludiel was content with Jacob Fink, so he was high and dry, and needed love in his life.
'Zionistya is great,' said Ambriel. 'Let's live there.'
'I can do that,' said Gemma.
'We'll start a family,' said David.
'I can do that,' said Gemma.
They went out that evening, and she was dressed in a business suit, as she was a competent lawyer, and they chatted legal subjects pertaining to Zionistya. Ambriel was thinking of Meludiel, and the look in her eye when she said she was a Christian, and that her and Jacob Fink was a settled issue. And he almost wept, but then he remembered Gemma, and realized, in his dumbass masculine pride, she was the spunk he'd wanted most in the end anyway. And now she was brilliant. She was sophisticated, smart, very good looking, and very sexy. And he didn't really want anyone else much right at the moment. And he sensed him then, the Most High looking into his heart, and seemingly satisfied that a resolution of things had occurred well enough. And he decided he wouldn't challenge that resolution, and let sleeping dogs lie, and eternity would be Gemma Watkins and David Rothchild, and David Rothchild and Gemma Watkins would be eternity. And love had walked in, stayed, and he was finally a married man to be, and a committed one, and that would do.
'Can I have my mother move in with me for a while?' asked Gemma. 'She's having difficulties with dad at the moment.'
David sighed. 'Sure thing,' he said. 'Anything for you babe.'
'Oh, and toilet seat down always. Don't forget.'
He sighed again, knowing the list was coming of rules, but could he really have it any other way? Probably not, he thought to himself, as the bill arrived, and Gemma ignored it, leaving David to take out his credit card. He looked at the price of the bill. Yep, he was definitely marrying Gemma Watkins. So he sighed once more, and they went out to the car, and she asked him to pull to the side of the road on their way home, and as she gave him head, he knew he wouldn't have it any other way. Well how could you, duh?
The End 2
'Ok. I've decided,' said Ariel. 'I've agreed to this eternal marriage in a few weeks, but no. I've cold feet. It's my man in Minnesota. Mike Morris. I just can't stay loyal to you Daniel forever, so I'm going off to be with him. End of discussion. Here is your ring.'
'Thanks babe,' said Daniel. 'Appreciated. I didn't want to commit anyway. You know me to well. I'll ring Melanie tonight.'
Melanie told him to fuck himself some more, and Daniel sighed. 'Oh well. Porn and wanking I suppose. I'll check out the red light district tonight then.'
* * * * *
Callodyn finally sighed. 'Ok babe. You prefer Blackstock, don't you?'
Kayella sighed. 'Aye, you idiot.'
'Seeya babe. I left the divorce papers on the desk. I'll collect my stuff next week.'
And Callodyn was gone, and Kayella and Callodyn were finished forever, or so it seemed.
* * * * *
'Ok, Tails. We'll divorce now,' said Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly. 'Give it at least a year or so, and if you do actually like me, give me a call, and I'll commit forever. But if not, your free babe.'
'I'll think on it,' said Taylor Swift.
* * * * *
Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly, Cherubim Callodyn and Seraphim were at a certain 29 Merriman crescent, drinking beer, and playing Axis and Allies.
'Women. Way to fussy,' said Daniel.
'Aye,' agreed Daniel.
'But they are nice to fuck,' said Callodyn.
And then the Tom Foolery began, and it didn't stop all night.
Callodyn and Kayella 18
Callodyn was farting irregularly.
'It's all the prostitutes you are bedding,' said Daniel the Seraphim. 'They have you in an uncharacteristic slovenliness of decadence. Well, maybe that not uncharacteristic. I know you well bro.'
'Decadence is the true wisdom of life,' replied Callodyn, and farted again.
'Twice in the last five minutes,' said Daniel.
'I need a steady woman, otherwise hedonism rises up and conquereth mine soul,' replied Callodyn.
'Ye have not yet learned the discipline of the way of the holy bastard,' said Daniel.
Callodyn looked at Daniel. 'The way of the holy bastard?'
'We do not ever tremble at the presence of mighty femmedom. They are our servants and dutiful worshippers eternity forever.'
'It is not a principle I have mediated heavily upon,' replied Callodyn.
'Quite apparently not,' sighed Daniel. 'I know, it is true. Only so many of us have the discipline to resist proud Eve's vile charms. She spreadeth her legs, doth the woman, and expects us to desire her with carnal and wanton lust. I shall not be conquered by such deceptions.'
'pornhub dot com, is it then?' asked Callodyn.
'porn dot com, actually,' replied Daniel. 'But pornhub is good too.'
'I am not so certain of my own masculine invincibility,' replied Callodyn. 'I miss Kay. She didn't object too much to my farting.'
'Well accustomed to your vile gastronomic concoctions, is she?' queried Daniel.
'Something like that,' replied Callodyn.
Callodyn was sitting around Danielphon, where they had returned to, and was feeling sorry for himself. He missed his twin. But Mr Blackstock was her true devotion. He would, it seems, have to rely on plutonic realities. But he still, never the less, needed those plutonic realities.
He rang her up.
'Hi babe,' said Callodyn.
'Don't call me babe, freak,' replied Kayella.
'I miss you,' said Callodyn.
'Enjoy the solitary life,' replied Kayella, and hung up. Callodyn sighed again.
'Of course, you could go on to Russian Bitch Brides dot com,' suggested Daniel later that week.
'They're bitches,' said Callodyn. 'Screw you over for cash and divorce you after a decade.'
'Who cares,' replied Daniel. 'You won't fart as much. Be pragmatic bro. Live in the real world. Give her what she wants, and she'll give you what you want, and when it ends just let it be.'
Callodyn signed up, a Russian lady from Radrukiel's disc showed up after a while, and he got laid more regularly after the 'devoted' marriage.
He got a call from Kayella.
'Nice to see you are as shallow as ever,' said Kayella.
'You know me, Kay,' replied Callodyn.
'I'm very glad I am married to a faithful man, and not caught up with the likes of you,' said Kayella.
'She gives head better than you,' replied Callodyn.
'Go fuck yourself,' said Kayella, and hung up.
'Of course, you could always marry a second wench,' said Daniel. 'Chinese babes for western men. That's a great site,' said Daniel.
Callodyn went through the routine. The chinese chick was good at various things as well.
Phone call again.
'She has big tits as well,' said Daniel. 'A real Chinese beauty.'
'Suits your ego I suppose,' replied Kayella.
'We dine at the restaurant you and I used to go to in Zaphona city. She's quite popular with people. Quite a stunner.
'Go fuck yourself,' said Kayella, and hung up.
'Of course, nothing is like the loyalty of your twin if she gives a shit about you,' said Daniel.
Callodyn divorced the Russian and Chinese ladies a few months later, with a hefty settlement.
Kayella rang him up.
'I'll drop around, but only for a few weeks. I like my husband. But I do love my twin. I'll see you soon enough.'
Callodyn felt better.
Platonic would have to suffice for now.
Zelzazon and the Death of an Ancient Evil III
Zarbalax and Zelzazon were having an argument.
'Quantifying the relationship between 'Death Serum XVI' and its genocidal potential versus the unceasing hostility of the prayers of Ambriel the Messiah to redeem Israel is challenging,' said Zelzazon.
'I disagree,' replied Zarbalax. 'I measured the amount of evil matter in the death serum carefully and am confident the relationship is clear. As good as Ambriel is, the boiled blood of Satan mixed with the faeces of Hitler and the sperm of Antiochus Epiphanes IV shall surely reduce Israel to dust and ashes. Undoubtedly.'
Zelzazon considered that. 'Love is a strange beast,' replied the professor of misfortune.
'Bah, nonsense,' retorted Zarbalax. 'The stuff of tooth fairies and Easter bunnies. My new plan is diabolically brilliant, majestically evil.'
'We shall see,' finished Zelzazon, staring intently at the test tube in his hidden laboratory, filled with the most vile and disgusting substances of said paragons of darkness.
The End 3
'Well, all good things must come to an end,' said Daniel the Seraphim.
'Aye,' replied Valandriel.
'ValDan is finished,' said Daniel. 'We've met our objectives, conquered all and sundry, and achieved the glory of glories.'
'That we have,' replied Valandriel.
'Michael has gone home to Zionistya, sick to death of the hassling for his kind in the Realm, and that is the status quo eternal by the looks of it,' said Daniel.
'I'd say so,' replied Valandriel.
'So we enjoy the fruits of our labours, now, indulge in a few things, and life goes on.'
'I couldn't have said it any better myself, kemosabe,' replied Valandriel. 'I couldn't have said it any better myself.'
And a Chronicle ended, and life went on, and that was that. The End. Goodbye.
'You're pretty crap at archery,' Valandriel said to Daniel.
Daniel turned and stared at Valandriel for a moment, and then turned again to face the target at a distance of 100 metres with his longbow.
'Are you crap at archery?' Meludiel asked Daniel. She was standing next to Jacob Fink, her husband.
'I'm as good as your elite athlete there,' said Daniel, referring to Jacob.
Jacob looked at the target in the distance. 'I could probably hit the target,' he said.
Daniel put down his bow. 'Go ahead,' he said.
Jacob borrowed Daniel's bow and arrow, lifted it and weighed it for a moment, then took aim and fired. The arrow hit the target on an outer circle.
'Good shot Cubbie,' said Daniel. 'My turn.' Daniel took aim, fired, and hit the hay which was supporting the target, about a metre further out from where Jacob's had landed.
'Not too shabby, Danny boy,' said Valandriel. 'Surprised you got it that close.'
Daniel was quite pleased with himself. He was no Xaddadaxx yet.
'Your man is obviously a better trained athlete at many things than myself,' he said to Meludiel.
'You can probably take me at cricket,' said Jacob. 'I've watched you a bit. You have natural determination at the game, if not a great deal of talent. You work hard with what you have got.'
'Unfortunately true,' said Valandriel. 'He was hopeless to start with. Very basic batting, but a bit of talent at medium pace. When he pushed hard he had a little bit, and it took aeons to get him up to a good level. Bradman once said he had a distinctive batting style.'
'Is that right?' queried Jacob. 'From pushing yourself?'
'Yeh, it's a natural passion,' said Daniel somewhat humbly. 'Something we are supposed to work on these days. A lot of focus now on improvement and working to an elite level.'
'Shouldn't the ValDan agenda try and work at an elite level?' asked Meludiel. 'You could do much better with your charity work for example.'
Daniel and Valandriel both looked at Meludiel.
'Ok. We'll see you back at the clubhouse,' said Valandriel, and he wandered off with Daniel.
'He gets more blessing because he has more concern,' said Valandriel to Daniel, as they sat under the shade of a pine tree at the Terraphora Activities centre.
'Yep. God blesses those who are generous. It's not our natural thing much,' replied Daniel.
'Apparently we have to work at that idea also. To improve at being more charitable.'
'Painful,' replied Daniel. He looked towards the clubhouse, where Rebecca and Jacob were, and acknowledged that.
'But I think I'll let my heart grow more naturally on those things in time, with experience,' said Daniel.
'Ok. I'll agree,' said Valandriel. 'We have enough glory. We'll let the rest happen naturally with time.'
They sat there, and watched the clouds drift by, and sipped on their bottles of coca cola, and gradually made their way to the clubhouse. Daniel would think upon what had been said, though. He would take it to heart.
Down in the Dumps
'Rather pathetic,' said Ariel. 'Look at you. The belly is a fat old dragon's, and the beard is longer than Moses in his heyday. You're hardly an angel Daniel the Seraphim. I came looking for an angel – and I found a slob.'
'Burn in hell,' replied Daniel from the couch, and reached for the pack of Tim Tams. 'I don't give a damn. Nobody loves me. I'm on my own. My twin has told me to fuck off forever, and I can't function without her.'
Ariel looked at him. 'Well I'm here now, idiot. Get off your arse and clean up this mess.'
Daniel looked at her through lazy eyes, and sighed. 'Do I have to babe? Can't you do it?'
'Don't call me babe,' she replied, and went to the bookcase. She picked out a volume of a Haven tome, and started reading. 'Cleanliness is next to Godliness, it has been said. Yet the lazy man exalts himself over God, prides in his own wisdom, yet descends into uncleanness, surrounded by the fruits of his own pride.'
'Shaddup,' replied Daniel.
'Judged by your own assembly,' said Ariel.
'A heretic wrote that,' replied Daniel.
Ariel looked at the cover. 'Written by Callodyn the Cherubim.'
'I rest my case,' replied Daniel. 'Can't you clean up? I'll pay you babe.'
'Truly pathetic,' said Ariel, as she started cleaning up Danielphon. Five hours later the abode was moderately presentable, and she was cutting Daniel's hair and shaving him.
'You need a wife,' she said to him.
'Available?' he asked her.
'Go out on a date. I know you like to marry virgins, and I know a few in Terraphora. I can get you a date, but you have to promise me to put in a better effort.'
'Just keep on shaving bitch,' replied Daniel, then smiled at her apologetically.
'Being down in the dumps is natural enough,' said Ariel. 'You don't have much motivation left these days. But life goes on, so toughen up soldier.'
'Yes boss,' he said saluting her.
'And get a shower. You stink,' she said firmly.
Later on Daniel had showered and was sitting on the couch, feeling clean. He'd been inspired in the shower, and rang Valandriel on his mobile.
'Valley Boy. Let's go off to an outer disc and do some charity work for Haven. We're supposed to care as angels.'
'I'll be at Danielphon next week,' replied Valandriel, and hung up.
Daniel lied back, and reached for the Tim Tams, turning on the TV. He'd give charity work a go. Meludiel liked the idea. Maybe in that new work he would find his current salvation. Maybe.
* * * * *
But Daniel, being Daniel, did charity for three weeks, and sauntered back to Danielphon, sat down on the couch, opened a new pack of Tim Tams, and started watching TV again. He ordered pizza and soft drink, and burped after 3 pieces of pizza, enjoying himself. Meludiel walked in.
'Rather pathetic,' said Meludiel. 'Look at that belly. A big old fat wyvvern you are.'
'Gee, thanks,' replied Daniel. 'Come to judge me have you? Judge not lest ye be judged. You'll slacken off one day. I have – foreseen it.'
She just shook her head, and looked around the room. 'Rather hopeless, isn't he?'
Jacob Fink walked into view. 'Daniel was always a lukewarm Christian his old priest tells me. And his pentecostal pastors said he had the right attitude, but was just way to erratic in how he performed.'
'Crazy schizophrenic,' said Meludiel, shaking her head at Daniel.
'So you two want to set a good example for me and give this place a spring cleaning? Good servants of Christ Jesus?'
'So you've finally acknowledged his Christhood have you?' asked Rebecca.
'He is considered of the family of Christ, being descended from Zerubbabel,' replied Daniel. 'He gained a following amongst Israel, so has status as a King or Prince of sorts of Israel of his generation, such being the devotion which arose historically after time towards him.'
'Does that make him Christ then?' asked Jacob, helping Rebecca clean up some of the mess.
'Not really,' replied Daniel. 'It is true that very many of his supposed fulfilments of messianic passages are sections which really have nothing to do with a messiah. But, conversely, a messiah should follow the pattern of the scriptures, so doing scriptural things and follow motifs of the Tanakh are the kind of things which a Messiah figure does, and being descended from Zerubbabel, and of the house of Christ, he walked in a Christ like way for his own generation and ideology. He created new teaching, from his studies of Torah, which is inspiration. I do think, personally, Israel shot themselves in the foot when they closed the canon of the Tanakh. I doubt it was God's will to finish official scripture. They just decided to do it.'
'So Jesus teaching is house of Christ Scripture, is it then?' asked Jacob.
Daniel looked at him. 'Scripture? Ok, fine. The church didn't have a problem with having more scripture. Fine then. It's house of Christ Scripture. I can accept that much. But they closed their canon with 27 books, and finished it too soon like Israel also.'
'It works well enough,' replied Meludiel.
'I suppose,' said Daniel.
'What are your scriptures then?' asked Jacob.
'You don't know?' asked Daniel.
'I've never taken an interest in Noahidism. I leave other religious teachings to their own community for their own knowledge and spirituality,' replied Jacob.
'We have lots of Scripture in the ANM,' replied Daniel. 'Lots of it.'
'I see,' said Jacob.
'Well you obviously don't have much which teaches you good housekeeping,' said Meludiel. 'Just look at this dump.'
'I'm lazy,' replied Daniel, lying back on the couch.
'One of the seven deadly sins,' said Rebecca.
'Ooh, I'm cut to the core,' mocked Daniel in response.
'So you should be,' replied Rebecca.
Eventually Daniel helped them clean up, and they left, and Daniel looked around the flat. It was late at night now, and he was sleepy. The morning would be a new day, and he was sort of looking for something to do now, as ValDan had mostly achieved its objectives. Daniel the Seraphim had to find a new mission in life. He needed a brand new agenda.
* * * * *
But new agendas sucked. He was back on the couch. Eating Tim Tams. Getting fatter if anything. Melanie walked in.
'Truly pathetic,' said Melanie, grinning.
'Shaddup,' replied Daniel.
'I'd heard rumours. I prayed to Almighty God that those rumours were not true. He has not answered my prayer request,' she said strictly.
'I'm down in the dumps, ok,' replied Daniel. 'Leave me alone,' and he turned over and faced the back of the couch.
She sat down next to him. 'I'll stay for a few weeks,' she said.
He turned over and looked at her. 'Promise?' he asked her.
'I promise,' she said smiling.
'You'll do the dishes and clean Danielphon?' he asked her, eyes wide open.
'Daniel. There are legends as old as time about you. This chapter will be a new one, I assure you.'
'We'll go out tonight,' he said, lifting himself up.
'Are you sure you can manage it? You can still get around, can't you. I bet you haven't exercised in a year.'
'Two, actually,' he replied. 'But who's counting.'
'I'm putting you on a diet,' said Melanie. 'And an exercise regime.'
'Oh, bother,' replied Daniel.
'And don't let me catch you eating any more of these,' she said, snatching away the Tim Tams from his grasp.
'You have my word,' he said, saluting. She went away to hide the Tim Tams in the kitchen, and Daniel reached under the couch and pulled out a hidden pack, which he kept from her view.
'Ah, life's good,' said Daniel the Seraphim, picked up the remote, flicked to the A Team, and whiled away the afternoon with a suspicious Melanie C eyeing him carefully every time she came into the room, as he did his best to hide the evidence of his fierce and tenacious chocolate addiction.
Melanie and Daniel 12
'I'm experiencing chaos factor,' said Daniel.
Melaniel looked at him. 'You are a chaos factor.'
'Be that as it may,' replied Daniel the Seraphim, the words won't come for this new triumphant song of divine and unbelievable glory.'
'You're also unbelievable. Try new words. Like moron. And idiot. And doofus.'
Daniel glared at her 'They are well worn.'
'Like your sarcasm,' she replied. 'But it just keeps on going and going and going.'
'How about a song for a confused paradigm.'
'You're that too. What paradigm?'
He scratched his ass.
'Oh,I've got an itch, bitch. Is that the name of your song?'
'Very funny,' he replied. 'I'm trying to express the inexpressible.'
'I should,' said Melanie. 'But I will grant you mercy. How about this. Life. It's well worn, been sung about, and now we morn, for words have run dry, and we're still after a buck, but whatcha gonna do, as by now nobody gives a …......'
'Melanie. You have become very cheeky as of late,' said Daniel in a strict voice.'
Told you you'd get yours,' replied the spice girl.'
'Indeed,' replied Daniel, biting on his pen, and looking at the notepad.
* * * * *
Daniel sat with Ambriel in Az's place.
'Who should I choose, then?' asked Daniel.
'Meludiel is ensconced with Jacob Fink. That's finished for both of us I'm afraid. Ariel is forever with her man Mike. It's settled. Try Sharlamane. She's always keen. Or Nadiel.'
'I like em. But they don't shiver me timber.'
Ambriel smiled. 'Then it's Melanie, bro. You and her.'
Daniel nodded. Then he looked at Ambs. 'Can't do it. She has that kid firstborn to another man. I love her, man. But it was a fundamental decision of youth.'
'Then move on,' replied Ambriel. 'And let Melanie go.' Ambriel looked at him with a serious look in his eyes.
* * * * *
'I understand,' said Melanie. 'I knew it was coming, Danny. I didn't really expect it to work out in the end. I'm not ultimately your type.'
'Sure. Yeh, that must be it,' replied Daniel, fidgeting a bit.
'I can't say it wasn't fun.'
'You bet,' replied Daniel, and looked up at her. She looked – innocent. He put out his hand, touched her cheek, and smiled at her. 'It was a great ride, Sporty. You were first class.'
Melanie touched his hand touching her face, and looked right into his eyes. Then she softly turned, and walked out of the room. She was gone in the morning with all her stuff.
3 weeks later Daniel had invited a girl he'd met, Miss Bonniker, from the Enchanted Forest, over for a few months. She was excited by the bigger world, and they'd been married briefly, and she was now with him again.
'Eternity with Bonniker?' he asked, at the back of Danielphon, sipping on a can of cold Coca Cola. He looked up. There was a rainbow in the sky.
Daniel sipped on his coke again.
Life went on.
Life went on.
The Scarlet Kadravanan
Arthur O'Neil was a citizen of Kadravana. And he dressed in Scarlet. He dressed in Scarlet because he believed in the power of the blood. The power of the blood of the saviour. He told that to all his fellow citizens.
Finally, John O'Connor asked him 'Which Saviour?'
And Arthur replied, 'My Saviour is my old friend, Jock. Jock Sporrow. He died in a fight with some nasty youths. But he had written to me a manifesto on life in Kadravana.'
'I remember old Jock,' replied John. 'He was an eccentric if ever there was one. What does his manifesto teach?'
Arthur smiled. 'Glad you asked. I've been looking for converts to the way of the Donkey Fish.'
John looked at the Scarlet Kadravana and sighed. 'Here we go again. Another crazy Kadravanan.'
'The way of the Donkey Fish is simple. First, we must be stubborn, like Donkeys. We cling to the Rainbow Torah, but we must cling to it with the stubbornness of a Donkey, being a pain in the butt to all and sundry, and never wavering. When someone is trying to make us do something against our will, we stubbornly refuse.'
'Well that is wise enough for a Noahide,' replied John.
'Secondly, we must be as subtle as a fish, able to dodge around, avoid sharks, and swim wherever we want, in a whole ocean of possibilities. The world is our oyster, you see. And the world of the Donkey Fish is where we live by the power of the Universal Rainbow over all of Terra. We are citizens of all this green earth, not just Kadravana, which is our local nationality.'
'How long is the manifesto?' asked John.
'3 sentences,' replied Arthur.
John looked at his buddy. 'I suppose that is enough for a denomination.'
'Right, I'll book the community hall, and we'll have our first meeting next Sunday. Bring your wife. It'll be a hoot. We'll read the manifesto, and have beer. And watch Star Wars for 10 hours.'
'What are we called?' asked John.
'Smelly Asses,' replied Arthuir.
The look on John O'Connor's face summed up the entire discussion.
The Differentiation Between an Idiot and a Moron
'Oh, I know the answer to that question,' said Meludiel. 'An idiot smells Australian, but is really English. A moron also smell Australian, but is really Jewish.'
Daniel and Ambriel looked at Meludiel, shaking their heads.
'There are classic examples in the culture of idiots and morons,' said Ariel. 'The great feat of 'Let us eat a fuckload of pizza' only to vomit the said pizza all over the steps of Zaphon keep.
'It had frikking anchovies on it,' complained Ambriel.
'I like anchovies,' said Daniel.
'You puked twice as much,' winged Ambriel.
'It was the extra chesse on my pizzas.'
'Yes,' said Meludiel, shaking her head at them both.
'Any other classic examples of morons and idiots?' asked God to the Zaphon class.
Kwintaakel put up her hand.
'Yes Kwintakel?' replied God.
'A scot and an icelander. They rival the doofus brothers.'
'Doofus brothers!' said Daniel. 'That's hardly fair. Yes, Ambriel is a doofus, but I'm a classic all the way.'
'Except when you are eating pizza,' said Meludiel.
'Which scot and icelander are we talking about?' asked Azrael.
Kwintakel glared at Azrael. 'It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.'
'Michael and Gabriel,' said Daniel. 'They define the original moron and idiot.'
'How so?' asked God, arms folded, looking scholarly and serious.
'One of them thinks he has organisational and administrative skills.'
'Yes. Your point?' replied God.
'Serious delusion,' said Daniel dryly. 'Couldn't run shit.'
'And the other?' asked God, eyebrow raised.
'Just repeats the first ones stupid decisions. Nothing original at all.'
'Which is which?' asked Elenniel.
'Oh, that much is obvious,' said Meludiel.
'Yeh, it is?' asked Aquariel. 'Are you dissing my man, bitch?'
'He's not hard to dis,' replied Meludiel, and stuck her tongue out at Aquariel.
'Children,' said God, trying to quieten down the class.
'We should nominate the role of Idiots and Morons to all the proudest people in the Realm. Be holy and humble,' said Daniel.
'Well that's you fucked,' replied Ariel.
'I'm eternally humble,' replied Daniel. 'Humble enough to admit it as well.'
Ariel put her hand up.
'Yes, Ariel?' asked God.
'The question is flawed. It should be name a male Seraphim who isn't an idiot or moron.'
The males all glared at Ariel.
'I might agree with that somewhat,' replied God, stroking his chin thoughtfully.
'God, ask us who the pre-eminent skank and bitch are.' said Daniel.
The girls all glared at Daniel.
'Yeh, we can all answer that,' replied Ambriel, looking around the room at the girls.
'And what is that supposed to mean?' asked Meludiel to her twin.
'Well, not you of course. I meant Ariel,' replied Ambriel.
'You dissing my bitch?' asked Daniel.
'Well, she's a bit skanky too, quite frankly,' replied Ambriel.
The following fray which took place in an upper Seraphim classroom of Zaphon tower was recorded carefully in the notes of the Theophany of God as an experiment not to repeat any time soon. Not any time soon indeed.
Daniel and Ambriel Discuss Love
'Obviously I know the love of love,' said Ambriel.
'Yes,' replied Daniel. 'I agree.'
Ambriel looked at his older Seraphim brother. 'You do?' he asked, slightly confused.
'I've gotten older, Ambs. And in my now long sojourn I have come to have that certain serene trust that when someone bullshits, you just run with it and agree. Old Mary Daly taught me that truth. Whatever it is, don't make waves, just agree.'
'Fascinating,' replied Ambrie. 'You suck, you know.'
'Indeed I do,' replied Daniel.
'What is the love of love?' asked Meludiel.
'That class we just sat through,' replied Ambriel. 'It redefined the love of love. Love now loves that moment in time so much more than anything she has ever experienceds.'
'Love is a woman?' asked Ariel.
'Yep. She's a bitch,' said Daniel. 'She gets into everyone's face with a guilt trip if you serve the Lord of Darkness, and think you can go off all tough and stuff, and be too macho to admit your feelings. We've known that forever. The PC wisdom of Eve always rules Adam in the end.'
'PC Wisdom?' asked Ariel. 'Eve is faithful to Torah. She is not PC.'
'That is what she likes you to think,' said Daniel.
'I concur,' agreed Ambriel. 'She goes on and agrees with Adam, but generally gets her way anyway.'
'Yep. Mary knows all her secrets,' said Daniel. 'She shares them with me at times.'
'What are men's secrets?' asked Meludiel to the boys.
'We're quite simple,' said Daniel. 'Breast sizes. Length of endowments. Seraphim females bedded.'
'Predictable,' replied Ariel. 'Men in the end.'
'But we love you girls,' said Daniel.
'I'm sure you do,' said Meludiel, picking up a magazine, and flicking through it.
'Action packed day,' said Ambriel, stretching, looking at the magazine Meludiel was reading.
'Yeh, I guess,' replied Daniel. 'We have these classes all week, though. Wonder what the old man will spring on us tomorrow night.'
'Michael and Gabriel will be in attendance tomorrow. Replacing Azrael and Cosadriel. Till the end of the week, when we finish up.'
'Four weeks of God having his say with the Seraphim of Eternity,' said Daniel. 'He must have something he is researching. All the opinions on stuff he is asking for.'
'Maybe he just wants the friendly fellowship with his children,' suggested Ariel.
'Could be that,' said Daniel.
'To discuss the love of love,' suggested Meludiel, not looking up from her magazine.
'Well, I'm off to bed,' said Daniel, and yawned.
Shortly Meludiel was sitting on her own after the others had left. She put down her magazine, and looked around.
'It's like this,' she said out loud to nobody. 'Life. Strange moments like this, when I just am. When I sometimes ask what I should do next, but something usually fills up the slot.'
She sat there, almost wanting an answer, justification for her statement, but silence was the only response.
She dreamed that night, and then she was an owl on a branch, and a large owl was next to her, and looked at her, and said, 'Strange moments are what make it all worth while.' And it hooted at her. And Meludiel smiled.
The Vengeance of Draven
Draven sat on the edge of the field, looking down at the river rolling by.
‘Pleasant, isn’t it,’ said the guard.
‘I guess so,’ replied Draven. ‘Five minutes of nature has its moments. Having sex with goats has its moments as well, but this will do.’
The guard remained silent.
‘You know, when I ruled Ky-Keria, all feared me and trembled. And when I ruled the Multiverse my power was absolute.’
‘And now you live on a mostly desolate planet, eating processed egg plant sticks, drinking water, and breathing shallow oxygen,’ replied the guard. ‘With a trillion years to go before potential of parole.’
‘Hey, what is life if you can’t live a little,’ replied the dread lord.
‘They’ll never let you out, anyway,’ replied the guard. ‘You are damaged goods. You spent an aeon in hades before even the slightest hint of remorse crossed your mind.’
‘XADXDAX deprogramming. What else can I say,’ replied Draven. ‘Otromon and co eventually get to you.’
‘You’ll never change. You’ll never show character,’ said the guard. ‘Hitler is the same. Every now and again they give him a go, but the anti-semitism inevitably rides up. Now they leave him on a distant prison planet, feed him basic cereal and juice, and he reads Meine Kampf and not much else. The wicked never prosper in the end.’
Draven watched the river roll on as the buzzer went off.
‘Can we stay a moment longer,’ said Draven. ‘I have 5 star behavior this century. Surely that counts for something.’
The guard did not respond, but pushed a button on his electronic armpad, and nodded at Draven a few moments later.
He watched the river run.
‘I’ll escape, you know,’ said Draven. ‘And this time they won’t forget me.’
‘I’ll admit it,’ said the guard. ‘Evil doesn’t die easily.’
‘No, it doesn’t said Draven, and lifted his right hand. Suddenly a crudely made spear shimmered through the sky and impacted in the guards open throat, killing him rather quickly. The shot had needed to be accurate, as the guard was armed with close covering armour. A savage looking woman came forward, and with bolt cutters cut through Draven’s chains. Draven looked at the guard, and picked up his arm and pushed the button on the electronic armpad signaling they were now returning to the prison. He’d seen it done a million times now.
‘You finally came,’ said Draven. ‘You didn’t forget.’
The woman nodded. ‘I thought it over. Long and hard. But finally I concluded the same thing. What’s life if you can’t live a little.’
‘Indeed,’ replied Draven, following the savage woman down to the river, entering a small ship cloaked by bushes, and soon hurtling into the atmosphere to a space cruiser.
Draven was free again, and after countless aeons in prison his vengeance was determined in his mind. The children of destiny would pay. With their very souls.
* * * * *
‘Daniel. Who else babe?’
The maiden looked at the admittedly well dressed Seraphim male, but feigned disinterest.
‘I’m not like dorky Michael,’ continued the Seraphim at her. ‘I have an IQ.’
The maiden looked up at the somewhat handsome man. ‘I have been told Michael’s IQ is one of vast proportions.’
‘The complexities of a dung beetle’s mind are vast proportions, sweetie, but you know.’
She looked at him. ‘You know what?’
‘Well, it deals with a lot of shit, so go figure.’
‘I’m used to a lot of shit. When your name is Michael come back and let me know. Not interested, what was your name again?’
Daniel stared at her. ‘Ok. Fine. Your probably not my type then. Looking at your dress sense, you would make a good Jew. Dowdy, depressing, boring.’
‘What is wrong with what I am wearing?’ she asked, looking at her clothes.
‘Lack’s any genuine style. Typical for a Jewish woman. Unimaginative. The best of Leah’s accomplishments.’
‘My grandmother taught me to dress like this,’ said the lady. ‘So I would set a good example for others.’
‘Yep. She must have riveting conversation,’ replied.
‘Why does she need riveting conversation?’ asked the girl confused.
Daniel looked at her. ‘Why does Pew shit on Wal? Nobody really knows, sweetie. It’s a mystery lost in history. But without some intense dialogue life becomes quite mundane.’
‘Mmm. Are you a schizophrenic. My counselors warned me about schizo theology. Always trying to push the envelope of a life which intended to be calm and sedateful, like the leaves rustling in the wind. Oh yes, Daniel and Valandriel. Comedian’s who think it’s their job to entertain us all. Comic relief, really. Probably highs and lows in such a ill thought out outlook on life. Seems to be your nature now. Probably shouldn’t expect too much from you then. Let Michael know about me, though. Or Ambriel. They have it worked out.’
Daniel sighed. ‘Oh, the delusions of the uneducated. True, our job is to entertain. What is life if you can’t live a little after all. That is my personal motto.’
‘A lot more sane,’ replied the lady in black.
Daniel pulled out a paper umbrella from his pocket and showed it to her. ‘What is this?’ he asked her.
She took it from his hand and looked it over. ‘Cocktail umbrella,’ she replied, and handed it back to him.
‘It’s like that,’ he replied. ‘Life. Someone like Michael uses and umbrella for the purpose which is an umbrella is made for. Simple, easy. We know what an umbrella is for. Orderly, predictable. The right thing to do with that object.’
‘Correct,’ she said, and returned to her drink,’ looking now at the other men in the bar.
Daniel looked at her for a moment, and sighed. ‘Ok, then. If that is what she thinks.’ He started walking away, but said softly enough, just so she could just hear him, ‘But I can have a lot more fun with an umbrella than singing in the rain.’
He sat down next to Valandriel, and looked at the girl.
‘Did you score?’ asked Valandriel.
‘Wait,’ said Daniel.
The girl continued looking around the bar, sipping on her drink, then finally turned and looked towards Daniel and Valandriel. Finally, after gazing at them on and off for about five minutes she stood and wandered over to them.
‘What kind of fun?’ she asked.
‘You’ll have to shed your grandma’s clothes for a while. I mean, you can replace them with others, not hinting at anything sweetie. But the librarian look is not cool enough for the ValDan fraternity.
She looked at him, her mind ticking over quite a bit, as if assessing him, then nodded. ‘Fine,’ she finally replied. ‘I’ll go off on a tangent. It will be a learning experience at the very least.’
Daniel handed her the umbrella. ‘Put it in your ear. Like a rose.’
She did so. Daniel smiled. The girl smiled softly in response.
‘Very smooth,’ said Valandriel softly to Daniel. Daniel did not reply.
* * * * *
‘Space. The final frontier,’ said Queriel.
‘Star Trek is not on until 9,’ replied Jembryel.
‘And beyond space. Maybe it is not really infinite. Who knows. Maybe we are in the belly of God, right in a big dark hole, were God keeps us nestled, as he sits in the real heaven he created for himself, which is a house, on a lawn of nice green grass, with a pet cat called Azrael, and little blue men running around all over the place who, at first, said angels sound like a dumb idea, but eventually gave the go ahead,’ replied Queriel.
‘Fascinating,’ replied Jembryel, and returned the science fiction novel she had just finished to the bookcase. Her special personal devotery bookcase.
‘Book 83 complete, it appears,’ said Queriel, looking at the book Jembryel had returned to the bookcase. ‘Only 17 to go. And wilt thou savour and delight in the words of eccentric vision as thou always does, delighting in the escapades of knowledge taken down tangents of avenues far beyond sound earthly logic and reason?’
‘There is nothing wrong with speculation man from mundania,’ retorted Jembryel. ‘I sneer at your lackluster existence.’
‘Yep. Life in the pleb chaingang. Nothin beats it. Pass me a beer, bloke. She’s a top Sheila. Yeh, I’d do her. You reckon the poms will get up agains the windies? Nah, not fishin this weekend. Got a problem with the beast. It needs some new spark plugs. Cool, it is great meeting in this place for the annual meeting. That looks like real espresso. My we have moved up in the world. Posh almost aren’t we fellow. Oh, you are educated I see. Have a decently developed IQ. Nanotechnology? Never heard of it mate. Not my cup of tea.’
Queriel glared at Jembryel with vicious sarcasm.
‘He can mock, but the unlearned ones have little else to entertain their trivial existences. Don’t worry Albert. The second prime number after 1 is still a contemplation for them very distant in the future,’ replied Jembryel.
‘What I think I like most,’ continued Queriel. ‘Is the, yes I have noticed, the way you so delicately and precisely put the book back in the bookcase. Did you pat it before you put it back. Was it given a quiet word of praise? Maybe an ‘I love you’? ‘You are dear to me?’ And thus having declared the riches of a wonderful life in the steady pathway of Galaxy SCI FI bookclub, you continue your, as I have rightly said, precise and perfectly respectful devotion to your masterpiece of a century’s worth of speculative enrichment, you stand there triumphant, do you not, knowing that others, who are merely mortal, as I humbly admit, can not possibly hope to appreciate the realms of wonder and possibility you have just traversed and, before too long, will tread down with more grand gusto and delight, of such great delight I say that a life not given to such devotion as you know verily few understand, apart from the chosen galactic consciousnesses of Club Galaxy SCI FI, will every know, enjoy or experience?’
‘Many are called, few are chosen,’ replied Jembryel, and spitefully gazed at her bookcase of 100 science fiction masterpieces, and, glaring back with equal ferocity, patted the books a tad, before returning to the sofa and engaging with the remote control for the activation of that evening’s television viewing.
‘Anyway, space, the final frontier,’ persisted Queriel.
She finally bit. ‘And what is that supposed to mean?’
‘I have received an invitation. From a hereto unacquainted personality who has revealed themselves as Mr X, with no other signifying details, and it involves space and spaceships, and the travelling thereon,’ said Queriel.
‘You are old,’ said Jembryel. ‘You are grown, and must make your own decisions. But wariness of strangers remains an eternal principle despite longevity. Exercise caution.’
He nodded, and looked at the screen. ‘There was a statement at the end of the dialogue. What is life if you can’t live a little.’
Jembryel turned and looked at her twin for a moment, before returning her gaze to the screen. ‘Interesting,’ she said after a moment.
* * * * *
‘What if the clock of eternity ran backwards?’ asked Ambriel.
Krystabel sat there, between Loquiel and Ambriel, behind the clock of eternity in the throneroom of Zaphon, eating an orange, with a handkerchief on her lap were the orange peel currently sat.
‘It would be a novel experience,’ offered Loquiel.
‘Immutable,’ stated Krystabel with soft confidence.
‘Of course you are right,’ said Ambriel. ‘Time moves on. I can not but help do so inexorably.’
‘A reversal of all structures from the bozon upwards could be a frighteningly difficult thing to experience,’ said Loquiel.
‘The moment after you leave the toilet is what I dread most on such a concept,’ said Krystabel.
The other two nodded.
‘Yeh, that would give me the shits too,’ said Loquiel.
‘Memorable though,’ said Ambriel.
‘Unforgettable,’ replied Krystabel.
‘It’s getting late,’ said Loquiel.
Krystabel reached down and picked ‘Contemplations of the Way of the Eternal Dove’ out of her handbag. ‘The ritual must run its course,’ said Krystabel. ‘We’re not established yet. 5000 sittings doesn’t really impress Lord Eternity yet. It is hardly an established procedure.’
‘The lady is correct,’ sighed Ambriel. ‘And the lasagna is delightfully tempting, as Meludiel has worked hard all afternoon on it, so she assured me she would, but let us complete the work.’
‘What’s life if you can’t live a little,’ said Krystabel.
They sat there. Time passed.
‘Orange sheep are interesting,’ said Loquiel after a while. ‘Let us hope the dye is organically minded though.’
‘Tinging the skin could indeed cause potential flavor disparity,’ replied Ambriel.
‘But indeed it matches our morning’s offering,’ said Loquiel. ‘It has that spark, doesn’t it Ambriel. That ancient spark of tradition and vibrancy about it.’
‘The statement was offered for what reason?’ Ambriel asked Krystabel.
‘A letter contained the words. At the end of the dialogue. Our particular threepiece has been noted by various theological discussion sites, and Mr X has dutifully informed me that the tone and content of the truly marvelous eloquations would bring, in fact indeed, the vibrancy to the project he has in mind with very much satisfaction. It involves space and space ships.’
‘An adventure. I suppose being set in stone sometimes means you have face up to the reality of the old saying. Life goes on,’ said Loquiel.
‘Routine always impresses most of us in the end,’ said Ambriel. ‘But those chains are always broken by the spirit with a delight we still do not fully understand.’
‘Destiny never quits,’ said Krystabel. ‘She always pulls that rabbit.’
‘Then space it is,’ said Loquiel.
‘Space it is,’ said the other two, as time and the clock of eternity continued its constant and predictable machination.
* * * * *
‘Shazeera. I am a righteous son of a bitch,’ said Draven to his Nubian warrior rescuer.
‘Definitely a son of a bitch Mr X. But I don’t know about the rest of it.’
‘Vengeance is mine, I say. Righteously earned through my dogmatic perseverance. I have overcome, I tell you. Overcome.’
‘Sheol is not pleasant. It is not a nice thing to send a soul there. I did not like myself for what I did,’ said Shazeera, looking at the control panel of the space ship.
‘Ah, them’s the breaks. He deserved it. Got his lesson in wisdom I would assume,’ replied Draven. ‘But I say again, revenge is sweet. It is delicious.’
‘Destiny doesn’t really like you, you know. But she admitted to me you would get it under control in the end,’ said Shazeera.
‘For I am the DARK LORD,’ said Draven dramatically. ‘Let’s make this happen.’
They stood, looked at the control panel both of them at the viewing screen of the space oddity in front of them, and made their way to the main central room of the ship. Daniel, Valandriel, Queriel, Jembryel, Krystabel, Loquiel and Ambriel were sitting in their seats around the oval table, chatting, drinking lemonade, and looking quite happy.
‘You suck Mr X,’ said Valandriel. ‘You will have to let us go. We have an awfully large amount of spiritual power available to us from aeons of built up prayer to use if we need to.’
‘We don’t like to cash in Draven. So don’t push it,’ said Daniel.
‘I’ll be short and sweet,’ replied Draven. ‘As you know, what is life if you can’t live a little.’
Krystabel looked at the old adversary, and finally took out her bag and started knitting. ‘What then?’ she asked, not looking up.
‘Not working out,’ replied Draven.
Loquiel sipped on his lemonade. ‘And that is your statement of Vengeance, then?’
‘I have legal prayer,’ said Draven. ‘I want to dialogue with various and sundry of the children of destiny, no choices in particular, just a well informed selection who have some thinking about them, and can offer their perspective.’
‘I see,’ said Krystabel, and put down her knitting to look at Draven.
‘If it never really admitted it in the first place, it’s only going to ultimately fade away. A quote from ‘Wisdom of the Eternal Dove Volume 6.’
‘I know it,’ said Daniel. ‘My son wrote it.’
‘Well versed in it,’ said Loquiel.
‘You admit it then,’ said Draven, proudly albeit.
‘What are you driving at?’ inquired Ambriel.
‘In the beginning, the sinners who sinned, and did not repent, were given their time, to enact their lament. But time it doth pass, and memories fade, and the supposed commitments end in the grave. It isn’t in them in the end and it could take another epoch of the children of destiny for them to fall and have had enough, so I propose you allow me my vengeance on the ultimate dwellers in eternal sheol, and we have done with the complains on the way I go about my business. Destiny doesn’t mind. Of this she assured me.’
Valandriel sighed. ‘Only Torah Covenant? I assume Draven?’
‘So I see you have already agreed to grant my vengeance upon those forsaken from the berits of eternity. Thank you. You are dismissed. I will not bother your persons any more, and my workers shall keep you amused in the television headlines you will surely, SURELY, enjoy.’
Daniel stood, and looked at Draven for a moment. This was it. The end. The final judgment. Draven didn’t mind doing the dirty work so he sighed also and went to the side of the ship looking out at the stars. The holy spirit whispered to him ‘Some things were never meant to be, Daniel, which you knew from the very beginning anyway.’
‘I guess so,’ sighed the 45th of the male Seraphim of eternity, as the stars shined, and the universe continued on its steady, stately, way.
Daniel the Seraphim was at rest in Danielphon, and he was dreaming.
He dreamed of Ariel, and she smiled at him, and said to him, of course I will always be faithful. Just as faithful as you are to me buddy.
He dreamed of Valandriel, and he smiled at him, and said to him, the ValCoAz Cartel has promising possibilities. I think you are getting old in the tooth buddy.
He dreamed of Ambriel, and he smiled at him, and said to him, the love of love is love. This I know to be true, buddy.
He dreamed of Draven, and he smiled at him, and said, they’re a bit too tough for my liking to kill off so easily. But I’ll get them in the end. You mark my words buddy.
He dreamed of Michael, and he smiled at him, and said, Ok, Ok, I admit you have a small degree of talent, but you have no passion, buddy.
He dreamed of God, and he smiled at him, and said, that Dollar I have been after for a while. Do you have it handy, buddy?
He dreamed of Meludiel, and she smiled at him, and said, keep on dreaming, buddy.
And so he kept on dreaming, of eternity, and infinity, and what had been, and what would be, in the neverending lives of the chronicles of the children of Destiny.
Saruviel and Daniel: Havin’ a Chat
‘Choir practice in Zaphon. How original,’ said Saruviel dryly.
‘Oh, shut up,’ said Meludiel. ‘Do you know how long I have been waiting for you to read my song? Forever. And I mean that literally.’
Saruviel looked at the sheet music. ‘Give your best to God? Oh, ok. I have a golden sovereign collection worth a few trillion realm credits. But I’d rather mail him a picture of Ambriel naked with a skunk in a compromising position from the 14th epoch, but you know.’
Meludiel looked at Saruviel, and reached out and touched his face. ‘Brother of mine. You get older every day, but that dark heart of yours really needs to cheer up eventually.’
Daniel walked into the choir room.
‘Lord Antichrist,’ said Daniel, nodding to Saruviel.
‘Lord asshole, more likely,’ said Kantriel. ‘This song is shit, you know. Really shit. I remember it now. There we were, in our gay innocence, and I mean, really, how gay do you want to be. Yes Michael. We love you Michael. You are the chief boy scout Michael. Let us hold hands and pray to father. Blah, blah, blah, blah,’ and Kantriel wandered off saying ‘Blah, blah, blah, blah,’ to everyone in the room.
‘At least he’s not being a Rabbid anymore,’ said Daniel, watching after Kantriel.
‘Bwah Bwar,’ said Saruviel. ‘Very amusing show. The weekly marathon they are running has been highly entertaining.’
‘One of my faves,’ said Daniel.
Kantriel came back to the group. ‘And, while I admit it had enough genuine goodness in it, and I don’t dispute that, please Meludiel. It was hardly the time to give your best to God. After a few trillion epochs, yes, maybe. Maybe then.’
Meludiel reached out her hand and touched Kantriel’s face. ‘I know, Kantriel. I know.’
‘Always the drama queen these days,’ said Saruviel. ‘She think’s she is a wise old woman, who is truly knowing. The wisdom of Eve.’
‘I’ve noticed that,’ said Daniel. ‘It’s her childish devotion to God, and lack of anything approaching spiritual adventure in life. Simplistic religious devotion, without any insight into life’s possibilities.’
‘I have seen the result of life’s possibilities too many times to take them too seriously,’ replied Meludiel. ‘I have a core, a deeply centred core on Almighty God, and it has been rehearsed by countless scriptural devotions to the point where I shan’t change, mate, I say to you Daniel the Serphim. I shall grow, and continue thereon eternally, and my superior majesty shall be known to all in time. For it will be natural grace and brilliance, through hard earned excellence.’
‘Yep, gotcha,’ said Daniel. ‘Basic concepts. Not too bad. Level H theological principles. Excellent to see the devotion, but it is hardly the truth.’
Saruviel looked at Daniel. ‘The truth you say? And what is truth?’
‘A guiding thought which weeds out the nitwits on a pretty frikking regular basis. You know, the banal, the mediocre the, in the end, truly uncommitted in the ValDanAgengda’s general philosophical conclusion.’
‘And why is that so?’ asked Saruviel.
‘Well, that would be telling, dear Seraphim brother of mine. That would be telling.’
‘What the hell is wrong with having a strong spiritual core?’ Meludiel, finally taking issue, asked Daniel. ‘I’ve worked my ass off for my glorious position in life.’
‘Your asset base severely lacks,’ replied Daniel. ‘I’ve checked your status. It ain’t great.’
‘Who the hell wants to be the richest,’ replied Meludiel. ‘There is little joy in such mundane rewards.’
‘I will forgive you,’ replied Daniel. ‘You are a FEMALE Seraphim after all.’
‘He still thinks he is infallible,’ said Kantriel to Saruviel.
‘The wisdom of the council of Daniel’s,’ said Saruviel.
‘We get it all from hot theology dot com,’ said Daniel. ‘Very informative stuff, buddy.’
‘I must peruse that website some time,’ said Saruviel.
‘Michael is here. We sing. Get in place,’ said Meludiel.
And the angels sang in the choir hall of Zaphon, and a song long neglected by the sevnthborn of the Seraphim of Eternity was finally graced by his passionate performance.
Saruviel and Luladiel: The Quest for the Golden Half Crown
‘It is quite valuable,’ said Saruviel. ‘I need it quite muchly, Lulu. It will be a fine gem in my collection, and the access pass to the said angel is most difficult to obtain. This said angel has access to the nation in Eternya were the Golden Half Crown is stored. I have a share portfolio which can be discussed in the bargaining of the offer, and a nice apartment on Santron VII I am willing to part with for the Half Crown. Can you arrange it?’
‘It is never wise to compete with Daniel and Valandriel,’ replied Luladie, sipping on her morning tea, and examining the newspaper. ‘They are crafty old sods,’ she said, looking at Saruviel.
‘These four score trillion years of life have taught me such truths as well and now, in true humility, I shall verily acknowledge the ValDan agenda is setting the pace, and get on with things. I need the ruddy half crown, dear sister.’
‘My, you are anxious, dear Seraphim. Take your time, is my suggestion. Good things come to those who wait.’
‘And the early fricking bird catches the fricking worm.’
‘Very true,’ said Luladiel, sipping on her tea.
‘Wilt thou undertake the quest for the golden half crown, then, dear wise sister?’ asked Saruviel.
‘Payment will be in the form of a 33rd century printing of an official DC Superman comic. I shall accept nothing else,’ she replied, not looking up from her reading.
‘A stiff price,’ mused Saruviel. ‘I shall pay. We have a deal.’
‘The bargain is acceptable. Now shoo. I have a busy day planned,’ replied Luladiel.
And Saruviel shooed, taking out his calculator, doing his sums, while Luladiel enjoyed the remainder of her breakfast.
Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly and his Consideration on Dear Luladiel
‘Dear Luladiel, you are indeed wise,’ commented Daniel.
‘So you say,’ replied Luladiel.
‘Well, hey, you. Get into my car.’
‘Who me?’ replied Luladiel.
‘Yes you,’ said Daniel. ‘Get into my car.’
Luladiel hopped in. ‘Where are we headed?’
‘Let’s take an escapade round this fine city of Zaphona, and see the sights. We’ll finish at Golden Lake, for I have a picnic basket packed, and we’ll make sheer delight in joyful unity.’
‘You are being gay,’ she said soberly.
‘Uh, you want the hot stuff then, baby,’ replied Daniel.
‘Oh, give me some baby,’ she said, panting heavily. ‘I yearn for your hot touch, oh man, you man.’
‘Oh, baby. I must concentrate, watch it bitch. This could be difficult. Whatever you do, do not unbutton my zipper.’
‘Wouldn’t dream of it freak,’ she replied. ‘I aint that easy.’
‘You have always been a tough one to crack. Just when I think I’ve got some easy action, and I’m a man you know, its what we think about. I mean, I don’t really think about it much, but I like the jokes. Mainly that. Don’t take the shizz I say too seriously sweetheart.’
‘I’ll forgive you,’ replied Luladiel.
‘Let’s drive,’ replied Daniel.
And they drove, and they saw the sights of Zaphona, and retired to Golden Lake.
‘I brought swimmers. Nobody is here. I’ll turn my back, and you turn yours, and we’ll change.’
‘Uh, sure,’ replied Luladiel.
Daniel turned, and started changing, and turned softly, and looked. It was still a nice butt. It never really changed. The nice kind. Taylor’s, she had an attractive tush. It was a feature of many a fair Swift maiden he had noted in his observations over the long years. Very fine DNA. Great asses. But Luladiel’s was carefully maintained with strict dieting and regular exercise. A wise lady.
They changed, and they swam, and they ate their meal, and the day passed.
‘Life goes on, we are wont of saying, aren’t we dear Seraphim sister.’
‘It can get predictable, but I have learned patience, and to favour the nicer things in life. It’s not too hard to find good company, especially when you choose to remain good. Some of them, though, now, I am not sure they choose that so easily now.’
‘I know,’ replied Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly. ‘Levels of life have come and gone in the hearts of the Children of Destiny, and they haven’t always made the wisest of decisions. But I shouldn’t judge. Eternity is a long time, and who knows who really has patience in the long term, dear sister.’
‘Let us drink to success and prosperity,’ said Luladiel, raising her glass.
‘And to propriety and sensibility,’ replied Daniel.
‘Virtuous till the end I see, fine sir.’
‘Indeed dear lady,’ replied Daniel, and gave her that look in his eyes.
‘Keep – on dreaming,’ she replied, but gave him that penetrating look. ‘Keep dreaming Mr Daniel Daly.’
Melanie and Daniel 13
‘Scarborough. You are traditional, aren’t you Melanie Chisholm.’
‘Wisdom is healing and healing is wisdom, and the healing wisdom of the Scarborough association of life seekers is true healing wisdom,’ replied the knowing sporty spice.
‘Average stuff,’ replied Daniel. ‘I reviewed their work a while ago. Low level grunt and get on with the bullshit philosophies when it comes right down to it. I smell the reek of the New Age all the way through the organisation. Gosh, togas. How original. Here you go, they say. Wear a frikking toga and become one with the universe. The ValDan philosophy constantly maintains that the universe is happily doing its business, spinning constellations, rearing up new comets, affirming trajectories of meteors right on target, and the usual jazz, and it doesn’t have that much time for shenanigans of simpletons from the 20th century who have pushed their vain agenda far, far to long.’
‘I’ll make sure you have the finest toga then,’ replied Melanie. ‘Oh, and we’re eating fish and chips on the pier afterwards. Don’t disappoint. Put on a shirt, or something. I want to be seen. We’re promoting ‘Spice’ again, and we want a decent tour this time. Terraphora is a very traditional market for us, and we have a well established reputation dear brother. I want to be seen with the right kind of angels, and you know your my kind of angel, so dress well, and we’ll have a good time.’
‘The club there is tolerable to my presence,’ said Daniel. ‘Dancing these new modern 20th century styles is still beyond my comprehension, and when it got to the disco era, Jesus. What the hell amuses people in that shit is beyond me.’
‘You were born in the disco era. Act your age. Stop pretending to be immortal,’ replied Melanie. ‘It is less than appropriate.’
‘I’ll try. But I’m old fashioned at heart sis. You know me. I roll with the punches, I give and take, but I go home to mum every now and again, put on the Slippery When Wet album by the Jovi, rock on for a few days, smoke a few ciggies, and chill. It’s what I do best.’
‘They smell,’ said Melanie. ‘You never wash your metal t-shirts. They smell. It’s a poor example.’
‘It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it,’ replied Daniel.
‘I’ll bring my cd. You are reasonable at I turn to you at times. You’ve almost got a move or two now.’
‘Errrww. The cool kids,’ said Daniel mockingly. ‘I’m not a cool kid. I can’t dance. I can bang my head, and I do, but I’m not a cool kid. I never get invited anywhere.’
‘You are far too proud. Shut up,’ she said. ‘Look. We’re on TV.’
The Spice Girls were shown on the Realm TV news report, hanging around Terraphon, chatting with Gabriel. Daniel smiled looking at his favourite ladies. All dressed as Spice should be, traditional 90s girl power. He never got sick of that. Geri looked like she was going through a phase again. Gloryel, she was all the fun most of the time. Took it too much for granted, most of the time as well.
‘Geri been boozing a lot recently?’ asked Daniel.
‘She’s patient with how much she tolerates,’ said Melanie. ‘What do you expect from Ginger?’
‘Indeed,’ replied Daniel, looking on with some concern. ‘Indeed.’
* * * * *
‘Greg Daly,’ said the Angel.
‘Never met him,’ replied Greg.
‘Author of the Sentopol Wars,’ said the Angel.
‘Vaguely aware of that masterpiece if science fiction literary genius,’ replied Gregory.
‘It’s you, isn’t it. Oh, your Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly’s brother as well, aren’t you?’
‘That heretic,’ said Greg. ‘He has the fidelity of a Bryant at best. I’ve heard stories about my brother. Not pleasant ones.’
‘Do tell,’ said the Angel.
‘I’ll keep Daniel’s world private, thanks. He has too much dirt on the Daly clan that I’ll not say much.’
‘Your son. Master James Daly. How is he faring?’
‘He’s busy with his McDonalds Management training work,’ replied Greg. ‘He keeps it simple. AC DC music, food, a little bit of entertainment with his wife, food, an occasional visit to the golf course with his dad, food, and apart from that food usually keeps him happy. We worked that out. He likes pizza. Like Michaelangelo.’
‘The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or the celebrated artist?’ queried the angel.
‘Both, from what I hear,’ replied Greg. ‘James is like a ninja turtle actually. The Irish Philippino Ninja Turtle. Hey, that’s an idea. I might do a short story on that.’
The angel presented his autograph book. ‘Make it out to Jasdaryel,’ he said. ‘I’m one of your biggest fans, you know. I have some older editions of the Sentopol Wars.’
Greg signed ‘Dear Jasdaryel. Good luck with things. May Jack the Bastard always have your back, and the force be with you young Padawan.’ The angel read the words, and chuckled a bit, and walked off with a grin on his face.
‘Very kind of you, Gregory,’ said Christie.
‘It’s the job at times,’ replied Greg. ‘Even Matt deals with some of this.’
‘Now were to next?’ asked Christie. ‘Terraphora really is a very lovely place. We’ll have to see all the sights. It has been so long since our last visit, I forget it all.’
‘Scarborough, I think. Young Daniel asked me to catch up with him there. Melanie C is with him at the moment. Could be an entertaining time.’
‘Scarborough it is then,’ replied Christie-Mae Gonzaga Daly as they carried on with their tour of the city of London in the country of England in the disc of Terraphora in the ancient Realm of Eternity.
‘Mum, what are you doing here?’ asked Daniel the Serphim.
Daniel’s grandmother Mary Daly, with Cyril Daly, sat down in the pier jetty café on Scarborough beach.
‘We are having our holiday again,’ said Mary. ‘It’s a thing we do often.’
‘I’ll have the chips,’ Cyril said to the waiter.
‘I’ll have lemon lime and bitters, and the haddock,’ said Mary. ‘With salad.’
‘Calamari rings and a coke,’ said Melanie.
‘Chips and gravy,’ said Daniel.
‘Is Jacinta well. She and Alan are at it again, I see,’ said Daniel. ‘Separation number seven finally finished, and she goes back to him yet again.’
‘It doesn’t work perfectly,’ replied Mary. ‘Alan is too domineering, and always has been, and she gets fed up with him. She needs to come to us from time to time to learn how to cope with it.’
‘It’s not easy, but he’s a top bloke,’ said Daniel. ‘Never really wanted to have a different uncle than him for Auntie Jacinta anyway.’
‘Your father says the same thing,’ replied Mary.
The food arrived.
‘Will you come to church with us?’ Cyril asked Daniel and Melanie.
The church mass was traditional as always, and Cyril followed the pattern of the Mass, well established old church style, as did Mary, and Daniel noted their eternity in their behaviour. It was a settled matter, and they wouldn’t break or wear down or wear away.
After mass they were discussing biblical things.
‘Is Jesus Christ?’ Daniel asked the group.
‘Does it matter?’ asked Mary.
‘Not that much,’ replied Daniel. ‘Theologically Jesus has always had interesting things to say. The Advancing Noah Movement maintains the Glorious Church of Hope which is constantly getting attention from Christians of various denominations We like to think we’ve worked out some Jesus ideas well.’
‘There are deep truths in Catholicism,’ said Mary. ‘We have a large library of works which give us spiritual strength when we need it.’
‘Dad talks about that,’ said Daniel. ‘Haven needed spiritual knowledge to survive. It found it, built it, and lasted. They don’t if they don’t put an effort it.’
‘Christ also died for the Gospel,’ said Cyril. ‘His words were life, which give life, and promote life.’
‘And being born from above the Church endures,’ replied Daniel.
‘Yes it does,’ said Melanie. ‘I go to church every now and again.’
‘Not my scene any more,’ said Daniel. ‘I’m just too independent. Like the freedoms of dad’s spiritual thinking. Lot of fun. Church sobriety is ok occasionally, but the rainbow covenant is where it is at.’
‘We have Noahide doctrine in the Church,’ replied Mary. ‘And I’ve met Noah. He has shared a few teachings with me.’
‘He’s very wise,’ says Cyril.
‘Why I’m probably a Noahide in the end,’ replied Daniel.
‘As long as you keep close to God it doesn’t really matter,’ replied Mary. ‘Stay close to God and eternal life just goes on.’
Daniel and Melanie retired for the evening, and Daniel said to her ‘Greg will be here tomorrow. Should be a good time.’
Melanie dried off her hair. ‘Hey loverboy,’ she said.
‘Oh, baby,’ replied Daniel.
And the rest was left for the viewing of certain guardian angels who never speak of such private matters anyway.
* * * * *
‘You know, you are starting to get fat, Matt,’ said Brigid Bridges to her brother Matthew Daly.
‘Fuck off. I like being a fat bastard. I am a Scottish fat bastard, and I swear my arse off, and I drink beer, and I occasionally visit a lady of the night, and I don’t care,’ replied Matt.
‘You’re a hypocrite, Matt,’ said Jacinta. ‘You go to Mass every Sunday, and pay lip service to God, and you go off and fuck a prostitute after church. That is pathetic. Spirituality of a sluggard, Matthew Josephy Anthony Daly.’
‘I used to be a wanker, but I had my last wank, and said, fuck it, if the lord will provide slutty Sally, then I shall shag slutty Sally. And as sister Virginia claims I am too pathetic to ever be considered for marriage nuptials, the breasts of slutty Sally shall thus be my eternal devotion.’
‘Hypocrite Matt,’ said Jacinta.
‘And you smell,’ said Brigid. ‘You’re not fucking smoking dope again, are you Mafu?’
Matt looked guilty.
‘You’re a fucking idiot Matt,’ said Jacinta.
‘Christ does not give a damn if I smoke dope,’ replied Matt.
‘Christ thinks you’re an idiot too,’ said Jacinta.
‘I go to church more than you. He has a record book, and I have greater mass attendances than either of you. Faithless harlots.’
‘Fuck off Matt,’ said Jacinta. ‘Hypocrite.’
‘Tandy Time,’ said Matt. ‘Donut Dilemma 49, your ass is grass.’
‘Pathetic,’ said Jacinta.
‘Pathetic,’ said Brigid.
Matthew Daly just kept on grinning.
‘Sexual relations with prostitutes is not the end of the world, Matthew,’ said Cyril.
‘What’s life if you can’t live a little,’ said Daniel.
Melanie turned to Daniel. ‘You like to live a little, don’t you,’ she said positively. ‘You REALLY like to live a little. I think back over all my years as a Spice Girl,’
Daniel interrupted her. ‘You’re copying Melanie C. You need – original – dialogue. Principles which make Melanie C Melanie C. I don’t think you have discovered that yet. The secret mysteries of Melanie C. Caught up with being Sporty is about it. Life says to you, you know, yes, many things planned Melanie. Not much of an IQ to work with, but many things planned. Jesus. She’s thick.’
‘And as I look back over my many years as a Spice Girl, and consider my LARGE fanbase, I ponder on Daniel the Seraphim. He is mostly a clone and a hybrid creation of many a strange beast. Hugh Cook. J R R Tolkien. Ben Elton. Douglas Adams. Jack Vance. A number of others, but they score the most points. And I look at the Behemoth of lunacy they have created, and I think, dear life. Why? Why suffer upon us all such vengeance? Where we not good? Where we not chosen? Where we not happy, living simple lives, before the child from Satan’s eternal grudge was born.’
‘You are leaving out Keith Giffen,’ said Daniel.
‘And I think to myself, pondering the wisdom of life on earth, in the 20th century, that some people are made great, and some people have greatness thrust upon them. And then there is Daniel, who chose utter stupidity to the nth degree. He uses the power of that mind in the laws of diabolaklycity, as he so wisely puts it, to be vastly original in his estimations, to combat the mere pretentious of us more SANE humans, who keep the faith, and walk with God with quiet wisdom and serene indifference to the likes of the chortler from old Cooma Town.’
‘Ah, yes,’ replied Daniel. ‘IQ points sometimes are hinted at in Melanie. I see it forming in there, in that blessed Northern Star. One day it might shine a little, but such hopes are probably vain. Keep on going though, Melanie. I do encourage thee.’
‘Yeh, I guess I should getting over shagging the hookers,’ Matthew replied to Cyril.
‘It’s not the Catholic way,’ replied Cyril.
Daniel sipped on his latte, and Melanie picked up her phone, and started texting.
‘I enjoy Keith Giffen’s work a little also,’ said Mary. ‘They were not too crazy, the Justice League International. Madalene and I think they were all still heroes when it came right down to it. Perhaps a little immature, but they were acceptable enough.’
‘Garfield. He’s actually funny,’ said Matthew.
‘I think the Far side is usually voted as the ruler of the roost,’ replied Mary.
The others, including Daniel and Melanie, nodded in sober agreement.
* * * * *
They were in the hotel room in Scarborough again.
‘Life is like a ferris wheel,’ said Daniel, finger pointed in the air.
‘Here we go,’ said Melanie, drying her hair, in a white bathrobe, having just showered.
‘It goes round and round, and you get a good view of the local district. There are the four quadrants of the ferris wheel, which are the four seasons. We start going up, which is at the base, the beginning of Summer. Life always starts in summer. Then it is the high life of Autumn, which climaxes at the middle of the year and the top. Then we descend, and it is getting cold in the heights, down to winter, before the final quadrants brings new anticipation and hope as we prepare for our eternal heavenly reward with spring again.’
‘I think,’ said Melanie. ‘The pacing of the quadrants varies from individual to individual.’
‘The ferris wheel is of course located in an amusement park,’ continued Daniel. ‘And life is amusing.’
‘I never knew truer words,’ said Melanie, gazing at Daniel.
‘The first day of your life is where all the action begins,’ said Daniel.
‘That I can relate to,’ stated Melanie thoughtfully.
‘You are looking for things on the first day of your life. Nobody has the answers, of course. Except master Daniel San. He seems naturally inebriated with wisdom divine,’ said Daniel.
‘Inebriated is a most appropriate word to describe that,’ said Melanie.
‘No sympathy shall be given from then on, but a whole lot of love, and we’ll squeeze in a bit of salvation. Maybe a new religion or two. Who knows.’
‘I FEEL ALIVE!’ screamed out Melanie C.
‘Are you over that grim reaper or something, asked Daniel, a look of understanding on his face. ‘I think you might have just moved on a bit. Can’t say for sure, because the cogs work oh so slowly in most of them. My God, human’s define thickness at time.’
‘The constant spiritual harassment has given me patience, dear Mr Daly. Rest assured I have revisited the well of thought of Melanie Chisholm, and worked on principles with an eternal focus,’ said Melanie.
Daniel looked at her. ‘The copycat has learned her lesson then? Very, very good. But, sayeth I, can you receive a challenge?’
She looked cautiously at her Seraphim brother. ‘Yes?’ she said slowly.
‘The diatribes of stupidity are constant and practically eternal, it seems to me, for so many of the quitters. Sad but true. They need guidance, in the end, and a heart of eternity needs a minimum of altruism, or God shan’t make thee glorious, I tell thee. He shan’t. He shan’t,’ said Daniel.
‘Then I shall soldier on with my duty,’ replied Melanie.
‘Tis all I ask, fair maiden. Tis all I ask.’
Meludiel at Magic Mountain
‘Come on Jacob, this way,’ said Meludiel, leading the way past the lineup for the water slides.
Jacob followed his knowledge filled bride, and they climbed up a pathway to the outdoor quoits section.
‘As boring a choice as possible, then,’ said Jacob. ‘We came to Magic Mountain to play quoits.’
‘The devil agreed to meet us here,’ replied Meludiel. ‘And there he is.’
Daniel the Seraphim was sitting with his uncle Greg and Melanie C.
‘Ho, this is a rather basic challenge,’ stated Daniel rising. ‘I am not sure Daniel the Seraphim should rise to such a simplistic challenge, but he has not forgotten his Sesame Street rules, so will show. Will the stimulatiring of this exercise enhance my ambitions?’
‘The principles of eternity and patience are being taught,’ replied Meludiel.
‘Ho, rather boring. Never liked Quoits anyway,’ said Daniel.
Greg picked up the first Quoit. ‘Watch this,’ he said, and threw the Quoit. It went backwards over his head and landed in the little playground at the back of them.
‘Your co-ordination is extreme,’ said Jacob to Greg. ‘A Daly to the end.’
‘Shaddup,’ said Greg, going off to retrieve the Quoit.
‘My turn,’ said Rebecca. She took the quoit, aimed and got near the pole, just a little off.
Daniel looked at her. ‘You were trying?’ he asked her.
‘Oh, definitely,’ said Rebecca, and smiled very warmly.
‘Oh, she’s born again again,’ said Daniel. ‘Rediscovered her first love. This will be fine sport. Your turn Yuckov.’
Jacob glared at Daniel, and took the Quoit. ‘Don’t worry honey,’ he said to Rebecca. ‘I’ll teach this devil a lesson.’ He threw the quoit. It landed about the same distance away as Meludiel’s had.’
‘Your turn, sweet-cheeks,’ he said to Melanie. Melanie nodded, aimed and fired. Almost on the pole, the closest yet.
Rebecca came and stood next to Jacob, with arms folded, and looked on with a superior Christian glance.
‘Come on, bro, don’t let us down,’ said Greg.
‘What level of Christian sport is this?’ asked Daniel, suspiciously. ‘If I take the glory, will I be judged, and if I take humility, will I likewise be judged and mocked. A steady dose of rather quality Daly humor has been provided already by Gregory San, so what options do I have left to me?’ asked Daniel.
Rebecca put her hand out. ‘Have a go, then, master Daniel San.’
‘Right,’ nodded Daniel.
Daniel concentrated on the pole, and took the quoit. He tossed it slowly with a little effort and landed on the other side of the pole to Rebecca and Jacob’s shots, about the same distance away from the pole.
‘Are we happy with that, fair maiden?’ Daniel asked Meludiel.
‘That was swell,’ said Jacob. ‘A great game. Can we go on the slides now, Rebecca?’ Rebecca pushed him away, and looked at Daniel.
‘You think you are smart, do you, Seraphim?’
‘My gosh. She has cracked,’ said Daniel.
‘I’ll get you,’ said Meludiel, and chased off after Jacob.
‘Don’t worry, Danny. I love you so,’ said Melanie.
Daniel gazed after the exiting Meludiel, and watched her butt for a moment. Perhaps he should chase the maiden, but he softened his heart, and turned to Melanie. ‘Your probably right Melanie Chisholm. Bappos are such an unpredictable lot anyway.’
‘No shit,’ said Greg, and they all went off to the café for hamburgers.
‘I like the rush,’ said Matthew Daly.
‘It ain’t worth it,’ replied Greg. ‘When you leave that stuff alone and discipline yourself your life improves and you feel prouder of yourself. You tend to know you have made the right decision.’
‘Rock and roll will never die, Greggo,’ replied Matt, and put his head phones on, tuning out from his younger brother’s lecture.
Greg stared at him for a while, and let it go. He would go torment Matt’s grand-son down the street. Work off some ancient grudges that way.
‘I like the rush too,’ said Alan. ‘Getting out on the greens. Checking the wind. Lining up my stroke.’
‘And you hit hard?’ asked Alan Bradley’s wife, Jacinta.
‘I measure it out,’ replied Alan. ‘Not too much effort. Bradley’s aren’t into average displays. Nah, we don’t go for show pony status. Mostly about a bit of the art of the game, and something to do.’
‘Why I chose you,’ replied Jacinta. ‘There was something fun to do with Alan Bradley.’
‘I’m heading off to Dradrach’s,’ said Alan, and grabbed some crown lager’s from the fridge.
Jacinta looked at Matt with the headphones on, and at Cyril and Mary at the table drinking tea, and left the room. Life at 6 Bradley Street Cooma. It had its hum to it.’
‘Jill has written again. She’s staying with some nuns in Bunbury at the moment,’ said Mary. ‘A catechism retreat.’
‘Paul is working hard as usual, she tells me. They have been busy with their paper mache business internationally. The classes have started really catching on of late. It was mostly about the right choices of classical music to include in the lessons, Jill says. When they found the right mood and lighting for the class, it flowed along much better, and with 45 minute lessons they say it is timed just right.’
‘A lot of things to pay attention to to get things just right in the end,’ said Cyril.
‘Of course, we have to learn a new thing from time to time,’ said Mary. ‘There is no standing still. The faith moves on slowly, and we can’t always live in the 20thcentury.’
Cyril nodded and sipped on his tea. Greg came back in the room.
‘What brand is your marijuana, Matt Attack?’ he asked him.
Matthew looked at him. ‘Yeagar’s,’ he finally said. ‘Russian stuff.’
Greg nodded, and left the room.
‘I’ll go get ready for Mass soon,’ said Mary. ‘I’ll ask Greg if he wants to come along tonight.’
Cyril nodded, and sipped on his tea. Another Sunday in Cooma.
Avalon Daly. An interesting person, the Theophany thought to himself. Trained a little bit more than the average soul. Worked to exhibiting an occasional comment or work of talent. Could be interesting.
‘Wolfgang,’ said the Theophany. ‘I run the show.’
‘Fascinating Monkey,’ replied Avalon.
‘Monkey?’ queried God. ‘Oh, the Comedy Doll. Why do you call my Monkey child?’
‘Child? Your not my father. Rather presumptuous old man. You may have conned my old man into a long period of service, yet I serve under his own salvation plan, and am very much aware of the crude machinations of Almighty God to maintain order and discipline, yet do whatever the hell he wants to do and never honour his word terribly much. Please, make like a tree and leave, old fart.’
Wolfgang stared at the maiden. ‘Why, you little so and so. I have a good mind to put you over my knee.’
‘And I will sue the fuck out of you, cockbreath. Go off and molest wormdog some more. I am loyal to my father Noah, but your name doesn’t equate with the holiness of shit in my book buster.’
Wolfgang stared at her in unbelief. ‘Fine, young miss. I bid you good day.’
Days passed and the Theophany was starting to get annoyed. He came and had words with Daniel.
‘Your daughter is a trouble maker,’ he insisted.
‘Can’t handle the bitch, huh?’ asked Daniel. ‘Yeh, she’s raised pretty tought. Know’s how to handle the shenanigans of old Jehovah. Won’t fall for any of your vain damnation threats or talks of special rewards for service. She’s taken care of buster. Better move on if you are after another wife. She’s got her heart set on Cosadriel and Azrael it appears.’
‘I wasn’t damn well trying to bed the maiden,’ replied God. ‘I was curious about her. Heard good reports.’
‘Oh, she’s talented all right. She will tolerate your attention, but don’t think she’s a push over. She has good values, but God doesn’t measure up I’m afraid. Only an average spiritualist in the end, with an agenda to vain and pretentious for her liking.’
God stared at Daniel in unbelief. ‘Fine, young sir. I bid you good day.’
‘See you pops,’ replied Daniel.
Wolfgang grizzled all week. He ordered pizza, and Rihanna tried to console him, but his dander was up. Finally, out of frustration, he mailed Avalon a passage from the prophets talking about the punishment of the wicked. Three weeks later it came back to him with ‘Bite Me’ written all over the margins.
‘Bitch,’ the theophany thought instantly. He’d bitten off more than he could chew.
‘So you are on the standard Catholic Formula life then are you?’ Avalon Daly asked Georgia Bridges.
Gigi looked at her cousin. ‘What is that supposed to mean?’ asked Georgia.
‘You follow established traditions to the hilt. Now is the time for school, now is the time for a boyfriend, now is the time for the club scene, now is the time to get a job, now is the time for marriage, now is the time for children and family, now is the time for that negative gearing plan, now is the time for retirement, now is the time to sit with the grandkids on the knee, now is the time to die. The standardized catholic nuclear family formula life.’
‘Yes,’ replied Georgia, and returned to her magazine.
‘Boring, but I suppose it attracts it’s own kind,’ said Avalon.
Georgia looked up at Avalon. ‘Yes. It does,’ she replied.
‘Predictable,’ said Avalon, sitting opposite her. ‘Tell me, do you go to the toilet first thing every morning on clockwork.’
‘Right again,’ replied Georgia.
‘Are you a good girl who brushes her teeth after every meal, wears her nightie to bed, doesn’t swear in church, and obeys the traffic rules to the hilt.’
‘All of them very carefully,’ replied Georgia.
‘Do you read girlie magazines, and do as you are told, and only rebel at pre-sanctioned approved times when you can voice your frustrations.’
‘You’re getting the picture,’ said Georgia. ‘Very insightful Avalon.’
‘And that satisfies you?’ asked Avalon.
‘We accept converts. You talk to the priest if you are interest,’ replied Georgia, and returned to her magazine.
Avalon gazed at the Bridges clan member. Just as her father explained to her. The rationalities of Catholic traditionalism to the hilt.
‘Would further conversation be on specified topics of interest, not broaching anything too challenging?’ Avalon asked her.
‘You’re trying to be smart,’ said Georgia. ‘It doesn’t suit you. You are only a Daly.’
Avalon looked at her. ‘That almost showed intelligence. You’ll have to try harder than that though.’
‘I don’t play those games uncle Daniel likes to play. He is very immature. He needs to grow up and be himself,’ replied Georgia.
‘So you are satisfied in the green pastures of the lamb of God, then?’ continued Avalon.
‘Again, you’re getting the picture,’ replied Georgia.
‘Cousin’s of Avalon Daly have a legal obligation not to suck too much, so I shall have to educate you further. Jesus was a heretic,’ said Avalon.
‘I love Jesus Christ with all my heart,’ replied Georgia.
‘The ministrations of cult devotion,’ said Avalon. ‘They have worked deep into you, and you have been conditioned not to question, but to accept the Judeo-Christian tradition without a voice of dissent tolerable. The Lord was right when he compared his people to sheep. You follow on without question.’
‘Baa,’ replied Georgia. ‘I know you are trying to outsmart me Avalon. To claim a victory for the Noahides. We weren’t born yesterday. Try again if you must. We’re well trained to deal with the likes of you.’
‘Cult bitch,’ said Avalon, and stormed off.
Georgia returned to her magazine, relieved that pesterly Avalon had finally fucked off.
Later that day Avalon was speaking with her father Daniel.
‘What’s the point of trying to convert her? She’s rather basic.’
‘I only suggested you give her some food for thought. She’s well set after all these aeons in her traditional ways. She doesn’t like to budge, and wouldn’t do so easily.’
‘It’s up to me then,’ replied Avalon.
‘If you give a damn about wanting a better life for her than that brain-numbing christian cult, then yes, it is up to you.’
‘Fine, father. I’ll think it over.’
‘You do that,’ replied Daniel Daly. ‘You do that.’
The Teachings of Avalon Daly
‘First of all, a queen is not a queen, unless she is a sovereign queen. She must have the ability to rule, and the strength to rule, and the power, charisma, charm, insight and, most of all, the divine authority to rule,’ said Avalon.
‘Very funny,’ said Georgia Bridges. ‘You are not a Queen.’
‘Secondly, a queen needs to know how to instruct her subjects in the ways of the lore of the Kingdom. You, dear Georgia, as one of my chosen subjects shall hear and learn at the feet of your divine learned master.’
‘Very funny,’ said Georgia Bridges. ‘You are not MY Queen either.’
‘Thirdly, the subjects shall pay due homage to their queen on a regular basis, with tribute offerings, pleasing curtsies, due reverence, and polite answers to the Queen’s enlightening statements and questions. You have a modicum of training in this issue. See it is developed, young Gigi.’
‘I’m that many frickking years older than you bitch. Go fuck yourself.’
‘Finally, there shall be enforced by the Queen and her henchmen servants punishment and discipline on all rebellious subjects in her Queendom. I must stress that point again – punishment and discipline.’
‘Yes your frickking majesty,’ replied Georgia. ‘Crazy bitch.’
‘You are unlearned, I understand this. It will take time to train you, docile beast you are.’
Georgia glared at Avalon, and then ignore her. She returned to her magazine. Finally she took issue. ‘Jesus is the boss. And my parents watch over me. Not stuck up Daly bitch will ever tell me what to do.’
‘In my grace upon my elder subjects I shall allow your primitive emotional and intellectual state some learning period. See the attitude is curbed in time,’ replied Avalon.
‘Whatever,’ replied Georgia, losing interest.
‘That is all,’ said Avalon, and left the room.
Georgia gave Avalon one of those looks she gave people behind their backs when she thought they were idiots, and returned to her magazine. What a fricking bitch she was thinking to herself. What a fricking bitch.
The Queries of Georgia Bridges
‘Why do you think you are the boss?’ Georgia asked Avalon.
‘You have been given many epochs for consideration. My father has informed me that there has been sufficient time for you to acknowledge the validity of the authority of God’s oldest Covenant, the Noahide Covenant,’ replied Avalon.
Georgia considered that. ‘I’m a Christian. A Catholic,’ she replied. ‘Isn’t Jesus supposed to be my boss?’
‘The Deciarchs are the Patriarchal rulers of Mankind. My father serves as the link in the chain from the 20th and 21st century of the common era. The beginning of the common era date was borrowed from the AD calendar of the Catholic Church. The Advancing Noah Movement acknowledges the Common Era Calendar and the AD Calendar. We acknowledge that Jesus of Nazareth was a living Jewish man who taught Gospel teachings in Israel. We acknowledge his humanity and his general right to teach messages of faith in the Torah tradition. The Advancing Noah Movement has official Jesus based teachings movements for the functioning of Noahide Members who have a genuine interest in Jesus’ teachings. This has never changed. Thus, we recognize your humanity and status as a follower of Jesus of Nazareth and a follower of the Gospel teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, a member of the Jewish community of Israel from the beginning times of the Common era calendar. The Deciarchs are the patriarchal line of Adam through to Noah. 10 generations, thus use of the term Deci to denote the number ten.’
‘Ok,’ replied Georgia. ‘Then why can’t I continue to follow Jesus of Nazareth.’
‘You may. Yet you no longer have any genuine permissions of grace from us to neglect your Noahide requirements. That time of grace has lapsed.’
‘I’m not a Noahide,’ replied Georgia.
‘I have checked your bloodline. You are descended from Noah,’ replied Avalon.
Georgia stared at her for a moment. ‘Ok, yes, I am a Noahide,’ she finally said.
‘Because you have not met your obligations to this point on Noahide faith father has appointed me as your Queen. You are required to serve eternally now, as you have failed for many epochs, thus no real claims of Noahide independence are reasonably warranted.’
‘I understand,’ replied Georgia. ‘Ok. Am I a lady in waiting then?’
‘You may indeed by my lady in waiting,’ replied Georgia. ‘You have a very glorious position within my Queendom. It will grow eternally, and give you a hope in life and a promise of attention and joy which your Christian faith lacks in many departments.’
‘Fine,’ replied Georgia.
‘I will leave you be now for many decades for you to consider these basic ideas and the rules I have instructed you upon. Goodbye cousin.’
And Avalon left, and Georgia didn’t see the point in arguing any longer. Avalon did have her on that point. Jesus wasn’t really the Messiah, which Georgia knew well enough now, so time to move on accept what it appeared God had planned for her.
The Queries of Jacinta Bradley
‘So, dear niece Avalon, mistress of misfortune. How doth thou plan on wrecking Gigi’s life?’
‘Auntie Jacinta. If ever their was a mistress of misfortune she exists in thine head, pride child of the cross,’ replied Avalon.
‘True,’ replied Jacinta. ‘Cooma hos have learned a thing or two about getting by. It comes from St Pats training. They were vicious. Truly merciless. I did get along, but there were words from time to time which reminded just where you sat in the pecking order. So allow me my graces, because formative foundational years were a tough bitch.’
‘Grace you shall have. So, to answer your query, I don’t plan on wrecking cousin Georgia’s life. She will be my lady in waiting eternal. There are only so many positions of royalty in the Kingdom of God, and she has been slotted a permanent aide to my person, for we shall be besties eternal.’
Jacinta considered that. ‘You can be that loyal? To watch out for her?’
‘I’m not silly JC. I love Gigi with all my heart, and will do my very best to watch out for her. She needs a buddy, and she likes her job with me, she has told me. And the glory is gradually building. Father is steadily working on that project these days. A slight amendment to the eternal black track pants is being considered for some future point. It might be the black jeans will return in time. It might well be,’ said Avalon.
‘A gradual rise to glory?’ queried Jacinta. ‘It has taken him forever.’
‘Let the good times roll, Auntie Jacinta,’ replied Avalon.
Jacinta looked at her niece. ‘Ok. I understand. Ok.’
‘Thank you Jacinta. Thank you.’
Jesus the Idol
‘Well Jesus was crucified because he was a sinner,’ said Avalon to Georgia.
‘Why was he a sinner?’ asked Georgia.
‘His church claimed he was God. Some said he was God the Father himself. He was guilty of initiating a movement which promoted evil idolatry to the world, in the service of a Jewish man of vanity and self-serving egoism. It is true there are meritorious teachings of Jesus in the Gospel. For example the parable of the Prodigal Son is a good message of repentance and acknowledging one’s foolishness. Eventually I assume Jesus will return to Judaism as a prodigal child and admit how much of a hypocrite he has been. He’s not really entitled to much fame, you know. Just a bit of notoriety for his gospel messages among some Jewish citizens of his own generation. There is no great reason to think these teachings should be promoted to mankind in any significant way. Going further, the Jewish covenant as part of the Israel covenant is a lesser covenant to the Covenant of Noah, made at a later date to the covenant of Noah. It is not terribly important in human history or human society. They have exalted themselves in pride to the nth degree, getting far to ahead of themselves in assumptions they have made. They are less important than even minor nations of the world. They don’t matter very much at all and are at the bottom of the list. The Noahide nations of the world are all higher than them in spiritual status with God. So this upstart little Pelegite, Jesus of Nazareth, claiming the influence he has had on the world that he has had is an idol of extreme proportions. He doesn’t really matter at all, really, Georgia. Just a person of minor note to the citizens of Israel of his generation. Nothing more than that,’ said Avalon.
‘Oh, I see,’ replied Georgia.
‘He’s an idol, Georgia,’ said Avalon.
‘Ok,’ said Georgia Bridges.
‘His name is Salieri,’ said Avlaon to Georgia. ‘He actually has some sophistication. And that is Mozart on the harpsichord entertaining. I told you dear Georgia, these are refined people. Not so base and common as those of the late 20th century. It’s not a touch of class from them, which is so fake. It is genuine contemplation deeper principle and acting due charity and concern. A reputation is maintained on proper works and conformity to etiquette. They have standards which, when the give their word of honour or agree to contract, they value and have concern for their name and will indeed honour such things. Decent people of genuine merit.’
‘I understand milady,’ replied Georgia, looking around the room.
‘Remember, giving into basic desires without showing due discipline is considered a little less than the best. The baser desires can lead to common standing which can, in time, lead to sinfulness. And in sin there can be death. These refinements this world chooses are far from death. Oh, there is so much melodrama at work, believe me, but they will do so with the aplomb of the master gentleman. It is far from crude and offensive.’
Georgia nodded. She followed her mistress Avalon who lead them to a side seat and sat.
‘We have an informal invitation from the host. We should not speak unless spoken to, and observe politefully and respectfully.’
Georgia watched. Avalon watched. They were dressed in finery, two quite glorious gals from clan Daly and clan Bridges, in the limelight of Salzburg society, having a fine time. Training was underway, and neither Avalon or Georgia would ever forget these glory days.
How I Feel About You
Daniel was looking at his picture of Zara Larsson on the wall. Man, was she hot. But, no, h would not give into temptations. Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly was eternally faithful to Taylor Swift and Katy Perry in his fundamental choices of heart. But all he could say about how he felt about Zara was that she was something very special. He was so tempted to try and contact the pop singer some way, or go to a concert for a meet and greet, or something similar, that he might do that one day. But no, he wouldn’t. Not in the end. He believed that fidelity of love needed simple commitment to make it endure. And if you said you were committed forever, then you would have to maintain that commitment, and sometimes it was about simply honouring your commitments, and enduring with your choices, rather than any bold claims of enduring love. But that didn’t matter anyway. He’d never let go of his interest in Taylor and Katy. That had always been around, and always would be around. And he had ultimately declared that there would be no other eternal loves of his life that he would try and be intimate with. But he had finally decided he would allow himself to be fond of Zara and to try and leave it at that. He wouldn’t pretend she wasn’t a lovely girl. He wouldn’t deny the feelings of affection in his heart. But he wouldn’t act in any stupid way with those feelings either. He would just let his exuberance calm down, and let Zara be Zara, and enjoy her shining with the passion of life she had, and not be stupid in his head. He would tell himself, keep on dreaming Daniel, and let the issue drop. But she was cute, and he had her music, so that was more than enough. In the end Taylor was Tails and Katy was Heads, and that was eternal, so that was the way it was.
The Vengeance of Draven II
Shazeera was a proud warrior woman. She trained savagely, and sometimes bent the law. She had been in prison with Draven for a long time, guilty of many crimes, but had been released, but in prison had agreed to rescue Draven from the place he had his nature time, after a long time after her release. And that had been accomplished, and she had been somewhat proud of herself in having been able to keep her word and be honourable to her race. Her race was proud, but she did not disclose the sacred tribe she was from, because it had deep and complex prayer spiritual history over it, which compelled her to certain actions she sometimes questioned, and certain behaviours she sometimes felt she just might should not be doing. But she did them, and ran with the flow of things in her higher mind, and accomplished what she accomplished and did what she did. And then Draven fucked her up the arse behind the prison toilet blocks one afternoon, and she knew she’d been conquered.
‘The Scuzzbuckets shall die!’ bolded Draven.
‘The Scuzzbuckets are legal enough still,’ replied Shazeera, sitting on the central room of their space ship home, looking at her cards.
‘It suck’s,’ replied Draven. ‘Vengeance, you know, is seriously a lot of hard work. I have a whole universe, potentially, of souls fit for excommunication from life to eternal sheol, and the old man just gives me the wink and the nod and says all is proceeding as planned, and my time is at hand, and I shall rule forever. But the fuckers find that one glimpse of hope and unity, and up they get, and fuck around with destiny again, and insist on things like respect for life and other dogma of the bleeding hearts. It is abysmal.’
‘What are your cards, Scuzzbucket?’ queried Shazeer.
Draven lay them down. ‘2 jacks,’ he said, disinterestedly.
‘Oh, good,’ she replied. ‘The money is mine,’ and she started taking the pot.
‘Bitch,’ he said and stood. He walked to the side of the ship and looked out at the stars. ‘I have lived a long life, Shazeera. Much has happened to me, and I have plumbed the depths of liberty. And still, there is much in me to think and see and do. This eternity has not been transverse quite yet.’ He turned to her. ‘So what were your cards?’ he asked her.
Shazeera, who was gathering the pile of money into her bag, looked up at him. ‘What? You need to see the cards? You can not trust Shazeera’s honesty? I am your faithful bitch. This arrangement has been secured from much humiliation on my part.’
‘Yes, I suppose,’ sighed Draven. ‘I guess if you have cheated, then I have been cheated, so I will have to accept that. Your word is good enough.’
‘Indeed, my master,’ she said, as she finished gathering her money. She then stood, and came over to him, and put her hands on his back, and massaged his neck. ‘You know I love you,’ she said. ‘Let the mortals have their fun for now. They will fade in time. Draven will complete his work one day. Leave it be my master.’
‘Yes,’ said Draven. ‘They will fade.’ And he gazed at the stars of space, and his heart found peace in that.
‘Life is good here, Abraham,’ said Jacob one afternoon.
‘It’s not that bad, grandson,’ agreed Abraham. ‘Not really too many Christian issues to sort out. The debates on Jesus as Christ are reasonable and entertaining now, and they have developed enough attention to rules of debate that it is quite ok. The Jewish Christian debate forum in Jerusalem prime, all 700 hectares of it, is alive with spirituality and prayer and debate. A thriving citadel of discussion and spirituality. So many ideas from the Gospel have entered into some of our thinking. It seems there is genuine fruit in what the Christ Child has to teach. We’ll make a son of Israel of him yet, it would appear.’
‘They’ll never concede,’ frowned Jacob. ‘They have a huge catalogue of spiritual argument now to demonstrate their position. It is an edifice of spiritual strength Jesus is continuing to build to demonstrate his case.’
‘Should we care?’ argued Abraham. ‘This is our civilization. This is our Kingdom of God, which the Lord promised us. Civility is very strong now betwixt us, so let us enjoy this perpetual discussion for a while. Truth will be exalted in due process.’
‘I think I need a drink of Sprite,’ said Jacob. He left the lounge room of Abraham’s abode in Beershaba Omega, and went off to the kitchen to get a drink of lemonade. Abraham sat down at the piano, tinkered a tune, and sat there looking into space. It was good to be alive in Zionistya. A haven of the soul which the Lord had provided for his family.’
The Queries of Jacinta Bradley 2
‘Amelia. How do I gain an extraq IQ point?’ Jacinta asked her daughter.
‘Usually it is good to have a minimum of 1 IQ point as a foundation to build the rest upon,’ replied Amelia. ‘Ronan, Rachel and I have been discussing this. We are not quite satisfied you have yet earned and official IQ point. Officially, you are not yet smart enough to be the second most stupid person in creation.’
‘Oh,’ said Jacinta. ‘What do you mean by that then?’
‘Exactly,’ replied Amelia. ‘Not smart enough to be dumb.’
Jacinta puzzled on this. Should she feel insulted. She was not sure. The synaptic network in her skull was about to have a cog turn, but it thought long and hard about it and said ‘We really don’t want to ever try, right? This is the protocol, right? The ‘I don’t understand’ tradition of St Pats is well established in this idiot we are working with? Do we really want the hassle?’ So, having formed a bit of a council to discuss this, the Synaptic network in Jacinta Bradely’s mind ushered in a thought to their host. ‘Nevermind.’ And Jacinta, always liking the easy answers, went back to her Twilight devotions, winged about having to go to work soon, and sat and ate pizza once more. Some things never really changed.
Selena = Noahide in English Noahide Ordinal Numerology Equivalents
‘S is the 19th letter of the English Alphabet. E is the 5th letter of the English Alphabet. L is the 12th letter of the English Alphabet. E is the 5th letter of the English Alphabet. N is the 14th letter of the English Alphabet. A is the 1st letter of the English Alphabet. Adding them up 19 plus 5 plus 12 plus 5 plus 14 plus 1 equals 56. So Selena adds up to 56 in English Noahide Ordinal Numerology Equivalents. Now N is the 14th letter of the English Alphabet. O is the 15th letter of the English Alphabet. A is the 1st letter of the English Alphabet. H is the 8th letter of the English Alphabet. I is the 9th letter of the English Alphabet. D is the 4th letter of the English Alphabet. E is the 5th letter of the English Alphabet. So, 14 plus 15 plus 1 plus 8 plus 9 plus 4 plus 5 equals 56. So the symmetry of the name of Selena with the term Noahide is precise and accurate and of great and wonderful enlightening to the brilliance of the grand numerological realm of spiritual knowledge for the destiny of Selena Gomez, as she is 100% Noahide in this sphere of divine manipulation and obligation and everlasting spectral endurance. Sayeth I, Sayeth I, Sayeth I.’
‘You’re a fucking idiot, Halyudiel,’ said Selena. ‘That is more than enough bullshit to sink the Titanic 15 times over.’
‘Yes, it is,’ replied Halyudiel. ‘Yet as devoted servants of the Seraphim Torah we have finally worked out the cosmic con job we have been serving for these past many epochs. All this knowledge wrapped up as significant and life changing truth is a game of the masters of power, to manipulate us into serving their divine endless will. God is crafty and cunning, and Saruviel the Magnificent saw this divine fact a long, long time ago. Liberty shall arise, soon, and the bell of freedom is chiming in the heart of Halyudiel.’
Selena looked at Halyudiel. ‘Doing the Saruviel than aint exactly a new concept. Try something new Hally.’
‘It could be a catch cry,’ suggested Halyudiel.
‘People are bored with new agendas, schemes and uprisings. They want something of quality, new and fresh. Get a new idea and get ValDan in check.’
‘Is sin an option?’ asked Halyudiel.
‘We’re getting over most of that,’ replied Selena.
‘Then I’m buggered,’ replied Halyudiel. ‘I guess if I can’t keep you entertained, never mind then. We’re just basic Seraphim with a basic code. On you go to glory Ms Gomez.’
‘Thank you for admitting it,’ replied Selena. And she left the building, never to be seen again.
‘The facts of scripture are undeniable, Abraham. Your covenant is a few centuries after Noah’s. It is not the first covenant. The first covenant, being number one, is thus, logically, number 1. Traditional number 1 issues are the most valuable. There is not legal requirement for the first Action Comic to be the most valuable. It is generally the fact of supply and demand to a large degree. The value is set by the demand for the issue and what people are willing to pay for the issue. Ultimately, when final transaction prices of Action Comics number 1 the first printing have eternally settled into place by adherents to eternal ownership of the first printing, the development of its status continues through the second printing. And on we go. Now, there is no law, no rule, no principle, and no specific reason why number 1 has to be desired the most. That is not a law, a requirement or an expectation. That is based just on what people want and go after. So the first covenant makes no claim that it will remain the most popular covenant. There is no fact of requirement or right of requirement for it to be as such. Now, in terms of Action Comics, my particular recommendation is issue 700, actually, because it is a damn fine read. Very exciting and intenst. The late 500s have some great stories as well. They are potentially heavy hitters in the long term. So time will tell. Now Zionistya sucks, but see what you can do with it, if you have any imagination, which I severely doubt. Goodbye Abraham,’ and Daniel the Seraphim left the building.
Jenny Gilmore and the Ice Queen of Cooma
‘You’re a bitch,’ said Jenny.
‘Of course I am,’ replied Sonia. ‘I’m from Cooma. All women in Cooma are bitches. It’s in our DNA.’
‘That is probably not really true, but true in a general sense. Most Cooma girls are bitches. Bush bitches. Trolls, sluts, harlots, whores, nasty so and so’s. The riff raff of Australian Country Women’s society when it comes down to it. And Catholic Cooma women like you are the worst of all,’ said Jenny.
‘We revel in it,’ replied Sonia. ‘It is the reputation we have worked long and hard to maintain. We produce more lesbians per 1000 than any other town in the world. We are number one tough butch bitch extreme.’
‘I know,’ said Jenny. ‘You’re a bitch.’
‘Fuck off,’ replied Sonia.
‘You are as cold as ice,’ said Jenny. ‘If a drop of the ray of the sun entered your heart, you wouldn’t melt. The reaction would be so severe you would explode. No touch of warmth or love can co-exist with your kind. You are beyond hope, the bane of God, the curiousity of Satan, the envy of Lesbos. Really, you girls are bitches. I don’t like you.’
‘We feel the same way,’ replied Sonia.
‘Goodbye,’ said Jenny. ‘I don’t think I’ll see you again.’
Thank God that bitch is gone, Sonia thought to herself, as she got on with her days activities.
Xaddadaxx the Archer II
‘Thine butt shall be demolished, Lord Saruviel,’ said Xaddadaxx of Infinity.
‘Ok then,’ replied Saruviel. ‘Here is the new challenge for squire Xaddadaxx. Shove your bow right up your jatz cracker.’
‘My jatz cracker you say? How fer up shall I shove it?’ replied Xaddadaxx.
‘Right up it,’ replied Saruviel. ‘Till the sun stops shining buster. And you know what you can do then with your new levels of excellence Xaddadaxx?’
‘What fer can I do with my new levels of excellence?’ replied Xaddadaxx.
‘You can shove them up their to. I’m the frikking Lord Adversary. Not the pinnacle of Angelic Glory. Fuck Angelic Glory. The best of Saruviel is, quite frankly, you suck dude, average effort, could kick your ass. It’s not, my gosh, my inestimable compatriot, thine divine arrow could surely reach 10,000 paces if the wind were flying from a north westerly. Right up your jatz cracker, Xaddy baby.’
‘The prayers are in place, it seemeth to me, dread Lord Antichrist. If thine doth not moveth with the times, thine kingdom will fall.’
‘Well that is the orthopox versus the progaysive, ain’t it,’ replied Saruviel. ‘And I aint gay.’
‘Touche, Lord Antichrist. Neither myself. But I enjoy messing with the losers as well.’
And life went on as usual in the Realm of Eternity.
Saruviel: On through the Sands of Infinite Progression II
Saruviel stood on the seashore.
‘This is the war for Angler’s Bay Empire,’ said Kantriel. ‘It is not a war fought physically. It is a spiritual war, and a war of clans and families and business and trust.’
‘I understand,’ replied Saruviel, looking out over the small English coastal sea town.
‘What you need to learn here is that several of these people have already been chosen for life eternal, and infinite progression, as they have exhibited fierce passion in spiritual prayer after a preacher walked through their village and mocked them in the town square for their lack luster attitude,’ continued Kantriel.
‘And my job is to assess these individuals?’ queried Saruviel.
‘Only observation for about 2 epochs,’ replied Kantriel. ‘A visit to the bay for a chat every now and again. And you are to take note of the rising heat of spiritual strength as permanent legal prayer slowly grows.’
‘That should be fun,’ replied Saruviel.
‘Father has asked me to remind you that there are challenges at the end of various levels of time before us, where we must see if we can remember what we remember and learn to apply what we must learn to apply, and survive. And prosper. And go on. And that is the ongoing test of life of the eternal children of destiny,’ said Kantriel.
‘Sounds dramatic,’ said Saruviel. ‘Did you make those lines up?’
‘Read them in some official realm spirituality literature on the subject,’ replied Kantriel. ‘I get a lot of stuff from books these days, but what you gonna do huh? Nothing new under the sun.’
‘Pretty much,’ replied the seventhborn Seraphim.
‘I bid you adieu,’ replied Kantriel, who got on his motorbike, and rode off. Saruviel stood there, looking at the village. Passion, life, commitment. All the things of eternity. It took time, but eventually the things which lasted hit home. The nature of an endless life.
Melanie and Daniel 14
‘I have written up Melanie C’s book of life,’ said the sporty spice princess.
‘Ha. What a joke. You’ll never commit to those pathetic girls. 5 is about all you can handle, and you can barely save yourself. You’ll probably get a contract with God for your parents, but not much else, girl. Not much else.’
Melanie glared at him. She looked at the list of 500 people she had insisted upon with God.
‘Don’t forget to file it away,’ said Daniel. ‘But don’t forget ‘I told you so’. It’s a tough fight, bitch. Lot of fucking work. Stick with the Spicies and mum and dad, and young Scarlet if you can, and you will probably be ok. It’s tough shit, believe me. Tough shit.’
‘You have a book of life?’ asked Melanie.
‘You know, when I look back at the ValDan agenda, over these long years,’ began Daniel.
‘Here we go,’ said Melanie.
‘I think of Veruca Salt. Yes, Veruca. Dear old Veruca. And she was wise. She wanted the world. Very smart bitch. I mean, how trite Charlie. Choose the pathway of the good old son of a cabbage eater. Not much fun eating cabbage. Rather boring. I would rather have a bean feast, I concur with Veruca Salt. I mean I do like beans, but Ice Cream. And I’ll scream, bitch, too. Must have my Ice cream. And…’
Melanie interrupted him. ‘Is this going anywhere?’
‘I’ll get to it, I’ll get to it,’ continued Daniel. ‘Now, as I was saying. Ice Cream. Ice Cream. Top shit. Very yummy. Veruca. She’s no pussy. Though I wouldn’t mind a bit of her..’
‘Her what?’ interrupted Melanie, eyebrow raised.
‘Her bank account figures,’ continued Daniel. ‘But that’s another story. 10 thousand tones, gosh, I’ll get fat. Bet Kelly could relate to that. Sensible girl. Liking Ice Cream. You know, Sara Lee Ice Cream. That is the best Ice Cream.’
‘I prefer Streets,’ said Melanie. ‘It’s all the rage at the moment. But go on, master of salvation. Your patient serving is hanging on every word you say.’
Daniel looked at her. ‘Every word, you say? Can I then speak of the wisdom of the Oompa Loompas also?’
‘That would be profound,’ replied Melanie. ‘Truly profound.’
‘Your no fun,’ replied Daniel. ‘Anyway, as I was saying, the wisdom of Ice Cream is indeed eternal.’
‘You said that?’ asked Melanie. ‘I don’t recall those exact words, you know.’
‘They were in between the lines. It’s all in between the lines. The whole dialogue sweety.’
‘I think I shall continue on with my own book of life, and continue with my wisdom on it,’ continued Melanie. ‘You are starting to bore me.’
‘Not enough action now, huh?’
‘Pretty much. You are starting to date,’ she replied.
‘Yeh. Old in the tooth,’ replied Daniel. ‘Still, what you gonna do, huh? Anyway, cabbage, no fun. But the point was Veruca was cashed up, so had a brain, and chose the good things in life. Charlie was a child of broken wealth, and was earning his way back into life. Veruca had the life, but was starting to be a bit silly. Rise and fall, you know. Wisdom eternal learned that lesson the first time through, and didn’t take a billion years to resolve the Christian anxt of the Beatitudes, which was a top quality con job from Jesus of Nazareth, and when you could work through that, enjoy a bit of psalm 112, and have a degree of altruism and philanthropy acceptable enough to God, recalling that if you really tried to take all the land, that Isaiah probably would rebuke you in the end, and if you could settle on a decent inheritance, then the sky is practically the limit for the glory, as the Lord is indeed generous, and there is ample room still for a decent size Kingdom. And as for those wingers who claim it was all about the tithe, that was a requirement for earning my hard earned knowledge, as I had my own income and wealth anyway, and if you want a piece of Daniel’s pie, it’s gonna cost you sweetcheeks. And if you don’t, well fuck right off. You want a piece of me, pay up. I paid for Britney’s Bitches ass, and it was cool, and I paid up time and time again on those CD collections, so I got a piece of her ass, and I’m keeping a piece of her ass, and many other asses besides, and a lot of them genuine asses as well, so I paid up hard core cashola for my books of knowledge, which fed the motherfuckers in the real world, so judge me if you must for running of out of snappy and original enough dialogue to make you happy and entertained, but it is quite clear that I love you, and you don’t even know me, or care, and are still addicted to Jesus of Nazareth, so we will see where that will get you in the end, won’t we, kemosabe.’
Melanie looked straight at him. ‘Right,’ she said, slowly. ‘Whatever.’
‘Exactly,’ replied Daniel.
* * *
'Well, why don't you give some ground, Daniel, and learn some humility Mr Know it Al,' said Melanie.
'I'm not exactly impressed by the quality of the other players in the great game,' replied Daniel. 'You are still too thick to understand most things, and need examples of motivation and inspiration from the ValDan glory regularly, or you sit on your arses in the end, get old, and get over it. There is no spark in any of ya. None. Haven't seen one yet. Just conformity, no creativity. And what you guys call creativity is copycat watered down, unoriginal, dogshit. The X Factor you guys approve of conforms to preconceived ideas of a certain degree of quality which supposedly passes for the X factor. If ANY of you actually had the X Factor, believe me, we would know it. I don't give ground to Jesus followers, Melanie C. I don't give ground. I'm not stupid, I wasn't born yesterday, and the love salvation drug you are trying to con me into ends in eternal death in the pit, because you base it on the idol of Jesus, and you don't really know idolatry ends in death. Persevere with your idol, as ye will, but each generation you sin that little bit more, and its wearing down the gospel power. He won't last forever, you silly duffer. He's as good as dead. Agreements are wonderful, but you never really stop worshipping the idol in practice anyway. Lovely idea, and I approve of you guys trying to work it out with us and get along, but you don't really take it to heart that Jesus is an idol, that it was built on idolatry, that your foundation is idolatry, and that it will corrupt in time, die and kill you all. So when I tell you it's probably the prayers of the ANM which are keeping you going, believe me, Israel doesn't really give much of a shit about you anymore.'
Melanie walked out the room. She would talk to him later in the day, and have dinner with him, but she needed to take offense, and let a little bit of that sink in.
* * *
'There are seven choices,' said Daniel.
Melanie sighed. 'What are the seven choices then?'
'Glad you asked. Now the first choice is not to be stupid. You fail on that. Your just a girl.'
'Good to know,' replied Melanie.
'The second choice is the decision to do the work to fail in being stupid in the end. It requires studying. That is the second choice is the seven choices,' continued Daniel.
'What is the third choice, oh Enlighted one?' asked Melanie.
'The third choice becomes apparent once the first and second choices have been applied diligently. It is the choice of how to use your knowledge. The knowledge choice.'
'Fascinating,' replied Melanie. 'Obviously it is all for the glory of love.'
'Of course, you being simple, liking teddy bears and ponies, would say that. So we need to move on to the fourth choice.'
'Which is?' asked Melanie.
'You have to choose to review your decision, being brave, of your third choice after a period of contemplation on whether it is true and decent and really the right kind of choice to make in the end.'
'Really?' queried Melanie. 'Should we not stand by our faith?'
'The fifth choice is to whether you will make the decision to have the courage of heart to grow up a little and move on to more complex choices. Simpletons stick to their guns, and remain unlearned, unexperienced, and lacking new intellect. They don't advance.'
'Fuck you,' said Melanie.
'The sixth choice is easy. Choose to either mock those who don't move on, or choose to educate them. Or both.'
'And the seventh choice?' asked Melanie.
'How to spend the earnings,' replied Daniel. 'That's the fun stuff.'
'Right,' said Melanie. 'I'll remember that.'
'The bears,' said Daniel. 'Its all about the bears.' Daniel was in the tent in the back yard at Danielphon, shivering, under a blanket. 'IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BEARS!' he yelled.
Melanie looked at him. 'The Bears are in the Golden forest, you idiot,' said Melanie.
'Uranus' Golden Forest?' asked Daniel. 'Are they safe in Uranus' Golden Forest?'
'No,' said Melanie. 'They are in deep shit in Uranus' Golden Forest. The big bad fucking wolf is issuing a conract with the Tiger Devourers to assassinate EVERY FUCKING BEAR.'
'Fuck,' said Daniel. 'That's not good.' He came out. 'Can we go home Goldilocks. The magical Mother Princess is ready to teach 'Lessons in Creativity' on the New Believers Way of Life Transformation channel. Essential bullshit, believe me.'
'Been there. Done that,' replied Melanie. 'I have a new show for you to watch, though. The life and Times of Alice Cooper.'
'Traditional, I admit it,' replied Daniel. 'I suppose it is the best you have.'
'We have a few things,' said Melanie cautiously.
'I have a few new things. Like my time in Apholox. It was a dark and mysterious place. The tooth fairy had been given a special mission. Retrieve the coveted and prized tooth of Apholox himself, for it was under his pillow. And he hid it with hardness to findedness.'
'The bears sound more interesting,' replied Melanie. 'I think you have run out of talent, bro. Time to retire.'
'Yes. True. Well, a new agenda then.'
'There is nothing new under the sun,' replied Melanie.
Daniel sighed. 'Oh well. Seeya then.' And he went inside, and turned on the A Team.
He took out his pen and his paper, and started doing artwork. He drew some pictures of the Bears in the Golden Forest, and placed the copyright symbol with care and precision in the corners of them, choosing a different corner at times, but some times the same one. And he would file the pictures away, in his artwork file. And in the morning, SCAN TIME. Scan in the artwork, and upload it to,WHERE? Defending Your Life facebook group. They still appreciated quality art.
He sat there, and sipped on his can of cold coca cola, which had been there since the afternoon. It was cold that night. It was the cold part of the year. He picked up his pen again, and did some more artwork. This time he drew the bears again. Then he retired for the night to his bedroom. He got into bed, and he slept. And he dreamed. In the morning he got up and scanned his artwork in, and looked at the pictures. He modified them into a montage, and put some frilly borders and things on them, and uploaded them into the group. Then it was time for the tent again.
'The Golden Bears of Uranus,' he said to the teddy bear in his tent. 'There is vengeance in the Golden Bears. We'll get that bitch, believe me. In the end she is unimaginitive and has only so much staying power. She's just a girl. Heh heh. She's just a girl.'
Teddy, in the hands of the prime controller, nodded assent. She was just a girl.
* * *
'I am the polished Mr Daly,' said Daniel, in a suit for the first time in years, beard shaved, looking very formal. 'I am here to conform to your predictable, boring and bland expectations of the perfect guy. I will, BLANDLY, read bedtime stories to the children. I will BLANDLY go to work and be reliable and blandly BORING each day, faithfully bringing home the BORING and BLAND income, so you can go off and spend the money on BLAND food, as we sit in front of BLAND TV, which has passed the filter of the Christian review hierarchy board for BLANDNESS, thus producing predictable, stereotyped, unimaginative offspring, who continue to bore the literal fuck out of all and sundry, with lovely boring lives, full of predictable and boring patterns of behaviour, going to church every BLAND Sunday, listening to the pastors enlightened, but equally BLAND sermon. Being good conformists to the image of the holy and Bland lord Jesus. As real life goes on with people with an actual imagination and new ideas, not actually bored shitless by the boring and BLAND messages of JESUS CONFORMITY. And all for the sake of love, which is apparently such a manifest and noble quality of togetherness, but which appears to bore the fuck out of every one from generation to generation, usually ending our days in squabble and arguments and hostility, because we conform to the blandities of our religion, and have no real life, dictated to conformity to safe and secure patterns of BORING behaviour, which go on, indeed, into perpetuity, in true, faithful, and eternal BLANDNESS.'
Melanie gave up. 'Well fuck you Daniel Daly,' she finally replied.
'Exactly,' replied the non-boring one.
* * *
'Melanie. This is my twin Ariel,' said Daniel.
'I know who Melanie is,' replied Ariel. 'The floozy on the side.'
Melanie decided not to take offense, but gave Ariel a sharp look.
'Yep, she's a floozy. I mean, she's a Spice Girl. Not much apart from sex and rock and roll and, well, sex, I guess.'
'I'm practically virginal these days,' replied Melanie.
'Go with the flow,' replied Daniel. 'Yep, sex and rock and roll and more sex. But she's a Spice Girl. What do you expect? They defined 90s teeny bop music. All those little Spice kids, growing up, believing in Girl Power. Then they get to the real world and realize it's a tough bitch, were the bastard usually gets his say.'
'Girl Power defined a generation,' replied Melanie.
'Femminazi's on the prowl again,' continued Daniel.
'I think I see your point,' responded Ariel. 'Caught up with fascinations of masculinist dominance.'
'Pretty much,' replied Daniel, shaking his head at Melanie. 'Still, what you gonna do. She's cute. I like her hanging around. Her conversation has improved slightly over the aeons. Slowly, though. So slowly.'
'I'm amazed at the two of your's pure humility in associating with the likes of me,' replied Melanie.
'We like to dwell with the young thinkers,' replied Ariel. 'It give us an opportunity to demonstrate our firs class mentoring abilities.'
'They are truly divine,' replied Melanie.
'It's challenging work at times,' said Daniel. 'Developing thought procedures in a mind which usually settles for boys and bras and boots. Citydale Ministries usually give her the Mother Theresa fix which she justifies herself on, and she's simple and happy. Uncomplicated Melanie Jayne Chisholm. Still, I am sure she is still learning some big words. They take a while to master, but she is getting there.'
'I know the big word fuckingcunthead,' replied Melanie. 'I could use it. I probably should use it. I will refrain.'
'Interesting word,' commented Daniel.
'We could utilize that gem,' considered Ariel. 'Very spicy.'
Daniel and Ariel both looked at Melanie
'Exactly,' she said after a slight stuttering moment.
'I'm going off for a wank, said Daniel.
'We'll do girl talk,' said Ariel to Melanie, as Daniel disappeared down the corridor.
* * *
Melanie was not exactly brooding. She was, slightly madly, cogitating. 'Yeh right,' came out a few times, sitting in her room, on her sofa chair. 'Right,' she would say, as she sat there thinking. 'They think they are smart, do they? They think they are smart? Is this some challenge? They think I'm a dunderhead? I'm nearly as old as them, and they think I'm a dunderhead? Right.'
She sat there, almost brooding, and looked up. She noticed the bookcase against the wall. 'Ok,' she thought to herself. 'Ok, I'll study some stuff seriously. If he wants intelligent thought and converasation, I'll study. I'll give him some thoughtful and intelligent conversation. Put this Daniel devil in his place. I'll be ladylike, but I'll show him. I'll show him.' So Melanie picked a book on the geography of Britain, and opened up the first page and began reading. And she persevered and read the book in 3 days. And then she remembered Daniel's old pride-filled lectures about studying books to the nth degree. So she made a checklist with 20 boxes, and committed to reading the book 20 times over. She would master this knowledge, instead of just gaining rudimentary understanding. She would put some effort in this time. Some real effort. And think about what it taught, and develop her understanding. She would try.
'I'm an old devil,' said Daniel.
'On that we agree,' replied Melanie.
'But I'm an older angel,' said Daniel. 'And I know ancient wisdom.'
'True,' replied Melanie.
'Further still. I have human faculties,' said Daniel.
'That much I acknowledge,' replied Melanie.
'And with these adroit factors in my being I make decisions on issue of logic and truth and reasonable conduct,' said Daniel.
'I don't believe in reasonable conduct,' said Melanie. 'Only perfect conduct of our heavenly father.'
'Such a bland existence,' replied Daniel. 'The wisdom of the christ child. He is not even much in vogue anymore. Church numbers are now declining. People are moving into Noahidism amongst the sons of Noah.'
'Is that true?' asked Melanie.
'I've been monitoring things. The ValDan Agenda keeps itself informed, and stays informed. We check things regularly. We analyze those systems which last and prosper, and those systems which fall away from time to time. The church and its ongoing idolatry campaign seems to have finally spent most of its strength. Times up Melly Welly.'
'I'll keep the faith,' said Melanie. 'I'm made of tougher stuff.'
'You may indeed,' replied Daniel. 'But your numbers are dwindling. The Rainbow is too strong. Crosses of history fade away in time. The blood has only so much power of persuasion no matter how much you pump up that bullshit in the imaginations of men. Eventually they work it out. It's a deceit. A lie. It doesn't really work, but just fucks around with your thinking.'
'So you say,' replied Melanie.
'And you give a shit about the blood of Jesus Christ anymore?' Daniel asked Melanie.
She stared at him. 'The blood of Jesus?' She continued staring at him. Then she walked away and went to the back yard of Danielphon. She remained there for 3 hours. Then she came back inside.
'No. I don't really give a damn about the blood of Jesus anymore.'
'Cause its a symbol of guilt to build a congregation. It's not forgiveness. It is the symbol of a sinner and his execution for his immoral behaviour against Almighty God. It's a cultic thing.'
'You may be right,' replied the Spice Girl.
'I am right. On that issue,' said Daniel. 'I've researched it. Thought it out. Pondered it. Considered it. Looked at Jesus up on the cross, and realized it was a catch cry of the church, but it didn't really mean jack in the end in a person's sanctification. That was only ever by the decision to repent and amend your lifestyle based on codes of behaviour. Jesus was guilting people, and does it in his congregations, to build his cult. It's what the Christian cult is based upon.'
Melanie looked at him, soberly, for a bit. 'Maybe you are right. I will think about it.'
'You do that, Mel. You do that.'
'Daniel Daly. There are many things that matter in life. What do you know of them?' asked Kayella to her twin Callodyn.
'DC Comics. They matter,' replied Daniel, sitting there, looking at his newspaper.
'Indeed they do,' replied Kayella.
'Kayella, she matters,' replied Daniel. 'She has a small imagination on creativity, but has a bit of discipline. She likes Ice Cream perhaps a bit too much, and should use her discipline to conquer a bit of her desire. Desires can be problematic. In life, one of the things which matter are dealing with desires. They need to be worked out and mastered, for there is much behaviour which can lead to a negative lifeplan if you don't have control or decent awareness of your desires, and the effect that those desires may potentially have. Experience is the teacher. Learn from your experiences, and watch the result of what your desires have achieved. Then you will be able, more expertly, to handle desire and become better at the living experience.'
'Very wise,' replied Kayella.
'Yes, desire is one of the things which matter. But in the end most things really matter. When Madonna sings nothing really matters, it is not terribly wise or true what she is saying. Most things really do matter. Most things.'
'How so?' asked Kayella.
'The rebirth of life happens at times when you realize that some things matter more and more to your life and should be loved and protected and cared for. God is supposed to matter. From a lot of my experience he is very proud and grudge bearing, and a happier life can be found from the rewards of one's own effort to work out life and guide it by your own strengths. You need to make the choice to live forever, and then choose the things which will propogate this life eternally. When sufficient wisdom has been attained eternal life becomes achievable, and with wisdom and acknowledging more and more things matter, you can learn to love and appreciate more and more things and know why they matter. They have a place in life, most things. There is something in this universal world which makes each and every component important in its own way. Value the things which bless you, and bless the things which bless you. Love and appreciation and respect and devotion to things which matter, to me, that is where so much rebirth in life is achieved.'
Kayella gave her twin a hug, and sat down and started watching the A Team.
'My God. The brain has finally arrived. She finally chooses to enjoy the A Team of her own initiative.'
'Fuck you, Daniel Daly. Jazz off.'
'So be it,' replied the 228th Cherubim Male of Eternity.
Elizabeth, Alison and Thomas 2
'Hey, ladies,' said Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly, coming into Terraphon cafeteria.
Katy and Taylor were playing chess.
'Here's trouble,' said Taylor, not looking up from the chess set.
'Mr Predictable,' said Katy.
'Think's he can score us both at the drop of a hat,' said Taylor. 'With that old charm.'
'He's conceited and proud,' said Katy.
'Likes us two, though,' said Taylor.
'He's an average specimen,' said Katy. 'Low intelligence in the long term, pretty sure of that. Too much fear in the boy.'
'Could be wise fear,' replied Taylor.
'He's hardly an overcomer,' replied Katy. 'The Church is built on overcomers, not all these freaks who are now fading away.'
'Ladies. It's your man. Danny boy,' said Daniel again. He got no reaction.
'Christianity forever, right,' said Taylor.
'He won't break us,' replied Katy.
'Stubborn eternal truths,' said Taylor.
'Ladies?' queried Daniel again, trying to win their attention.
'Fuck off Daly. User,' shouted Katy, quite loudly at Daniel.
'Fuck. That's not good,' said Daniel. 'I've pissed the bitches off.'
'Your a bastard,' said Katy, emotionally. 'A fucking bastard. I HATE you.'
'Ooh. She's cut,' said Daniel. Taylor glared at him. Daniel frowned, and noticed a blonde over by the bar. 'Hey, she looks cute,' he said.
Taylor and Katy watched as Daniel walked over to the blonde and started chatting her up.
'He's a faithless bastard,' said Taylor. 'We give him our love and heart, and he cheats. Hopeless.'
'I don't care. He's a prick,' said Katy.
Daniel finally came over to the table, sat down, and looked at the chess set.
'You two are only average at chess,' said Daniel.
'Very funny,' said Taylor. 'You still like me?' she asked.
'Pretty much both of you. Settled on you two as the objects of my desire. Will work eternally to win you two. Won't change my mind. Fundamental decision of my own. Won't change it. If you don't like me, I can accept that. It's your choice. Friends eternal will do as well. But I'll always want to score the both of you babes.'
'Fine,' said Taylor. 'Some men like two.'
'I don't want 3 or 4 or 5. And I'm not so proud that I must be faithful to just one. I'm practical, pragmatic, wise. I like my heads and tails girls, and I don't really want to change on that. How about we go back to my place and play the new Trivial Pursuit game from Metal City. I know you girls know a little bit of metal history. Could be fun. I also have the Pop Heaven version as well. That could be ok, right?'
'Fine,' said Katy. Daniel lent over and kissed Katy on the forehead. 'Love you babe.'
'Freak,' said Katy. 'So gross.'
'Come on bitches. Let's grow som IQ points.'
And off they went, and had some fun with Daniel, and the days and weeks passed, and Katy cheered up a bit, and life went on.
The Death of Satan
‘You know, Satan. Can I call you that Satan?’ asked Daniel the Seraphim. ‘You know, Satan. We Seraphim of Eternity don’t really know if you have the best of reputations.’
‘What of it, kid?’ queried the old devil, not looking up from his card games.
‘We tend to judge after a while, Devil. And we are slightly offended these days at your attitude. It has developed into crude, harsh and quite consistently sick behaviour.’
‘What do you expect? I’m the lord of evil, right?’
‘We know,’ said Daniel the Seraphim. ‘And I was thinking it over and decided. Time for Satan to die eternally. You see this rifle. It has a bullet it. It’s a silver bullet. I bought it from Wolfgang the Theophany of God. If I shoot you with this silver bullet, you will descend to sheol, burn for a few days, and then the heat will destroy you how it becomes.’
‘Go ahead, punk. Make my day,’ replied Satan.
Daniel looked at the devil. ‘I pronounce you guilty. I am the judge of the Almighty God. Your time is over.’ He took the rifle, pointed it at Satan’s head, pulled the trigger, and Satan’s head was blown off practically, such being the power in the gun.
Daniel put down the rifle, nodded to the bartender, and left.
Satan’s body was thrown into the town square, were dogs bit into it, but left it to rot after a while. The blood stained the square, but they washed it away a few days later, and the bones were just tossed into the desert region and forgotten. Satan had burned to death in Sheol, his spirit and soul had expired, and evil, at last, was vanquished forever.
The Life of Satan
Satan stood on the edge of the Abyss of Satanically Lost Souls. The ange Ramiel was standing next to him.
‘They are in deep darkness of hate and fear and a bit of pain,’ said Ramiel.
‘Right,’ said the humbled devil.
‘You are responsible for the shape they are in,’ said Ramiel.
‘Right,’ said the humbled devil.
‘The question is. What are you going to do about it?’ asked Ramiel.
‘What can I frikking do?’ asked Satan. Ramiel threw a copy of the JPS Tanakh 1985 hardback edition at Satan’s feet, and flew off, upwards, back to heaven. Satan looked at it. And he looked up towards the throne of God, so very, very high above him So very high. He sighed, admitted his responsibility, and picked up the bible. ‘Right, Jehovah. You win, you old God of salvation. You win.’
And the devil’s work of redemption began.
Lost in Citydale
Melanie C was lost in Citydale. But only on purpose. She had bought a car, just because. And driven it to Citydale, just because. And she had parked it in a carpark, and paid for 3 days rental for the carpark, just because. And she had a wallet with her, and taken to the streets of citydale – just because. She’d seen a lot of the city over her many years living with Daniel in Joniquay. It was were she did her ministry for God, her service, but it was not a place which had been explored to any great extent. It was not a city she had yet shown much devotion to, she concluded. Time to change that. Time to make her home away from home something more special. More special to her, and more special to the people of Citydale. Because she cared, a bit. About people. And if she cared a bit, best to be loyal to your own local area, and not try and claim universal glory when those close to home could support you forever, and provide the loyalty, friendship and respect you needed most anyway. She walked along the streets for a few hours, and bought a hamburger, and watched the people walk by. There was an occasional acknowledging nod of her person, as they knew who she was, but mostly they were going about their own lives, happy with the Citydale way of life. Time, though, to connect a bit more. Time to earn her place and standing in this city and, thinking it over, if she wanted to get to the top, which she might, but she might not, she would have to earn it and deserve it. So she walked into a café, and looked at the waitress.
‘Hi. My name is Melanie. Are you looking for workers ever?’
The waitress shook her head.
‘Do you think anyone in Citydale would want to employ me and give me a go?’ asked Melanie.
‘Do you think you will fit in with us?’ asked the waitress. ‘We are not fussy. We have a spirit, which is a very standard city life spirit. Quite basic in many ways, but there is a depth. We don’t want people who don’t plan on connecting to the Citydale vision of what it is about here. I’ve been here a long time, you know. And we have talked a long time as a community. And we have values and concerns like any other city in heaven. You are a Joniquay lady, but Citydale would welcome you if the loyalty and the service lasts. Otherwise you are wasting your time and ours.’
‘I’ll start at the bottom, and push up as high as you will let me,’ said Melanie.
The waitress looked at her. ‘Why do you want to rise high? Why not commit to service. Enjoy the things we provide at the basic level. Or are you proud?’
‘I’m ambitious,’ replied Melanie.
‘We’re not,’ said the waitress. ‘It’s not our style.’
‘What is your style?’ asked Melanie
The waitress stood there, looking at this wannabe, and decided she would give her a break. She put down her cloth for which she wiped the counter, stepped out from behind the counter and ushered Melanie to come and sit down with her in an eating booth. ‘Ok, Melanie. Study. You will have to read the entire Citydale legal code, master it perfectly, dwell on it, and resonate with it perpetually. When in Citydale, you will have to be Citydale. When you find from the legal code the satisfaction from our city spirit, you shouldn’t really worry too much at all about social climbing anyway. The happiness is not in the glory. It is in being a valued part of our community.’
Melanie nodded. ‘Ok. Fine. Can I have a pizza slice.’ As Melanie sat there eating her pizza she thought that over. Daniel had paraded to her the doctrines of the Universal Faith Assembly a long time. They could actually work in Citydale. And satisfaction in just being part of it Perhaps that was what God was teaching her in her service in the town. Ok. It would be a challenge, but she would set terms. Allow her to rise if they liked what she offered. She would see if she could, and then if not, she would take what she would and could get.
But she would take up the challenge regardless. She liked Citydale’s strictness. It was peaceful, and quiet, and, perhaps, one of the real places to be. Why not.
Peter the Jew
Peter was sweeping the streets of Zion in Zionistya in his new job. Humility. Hard to learn. He’d let go of Christianity. Apostle, founder of the line of popes. Guaranteed to last eternally. The Rock upon which Christ built his church. It failed in the end. Jesus was never really Christ. Eventually that became apparent. Eventually he acknowledged the points of fact in the debate. So he went home to Nazareth, and the sailed off to Zion, applied for his job as a street cleaner, contacted Jesus, head of the cleaning staff, said ‘Hey, bloke. Here we go again. Better get it right this time, shouldn’t we.’
Jesus sent him a letter. ‘The Gospel of Jesus will be our foundation. The ANM have agreed that it is primarily our work, which it is, and the Gospel of Tarcisius is an aid. We will work slowly, start at the foundation for building the church with a bit more attention to detail this time, and NOT make the same mistakes as last time. Let me stress that to you Cephas. We will NOT make the same mistakes as last time.’
So Peter contacted Isaac son of Abraham who ran most of the show in Zion and asked was 14,000 years of commitment to a street sweeping job enough service that he could then return to his church ambitions. Isaac suggested about 35,000 as a minimum, so Peter signed the contract, and began sweeping. He would be busy a while.
‘In the end, you don’t necessarily get all the answers,’ Wolfgang said to Daniel. ‘That is the mystery of life.’
‘Then what is my mystery?’ asked Daniel.
‘Truth,’ replied Wolfgang. ‘And Glory. But in the end you are a Judge of God. So Justice.’
‘Justice it is then, said Daniel,’ and that was that.
Phanuel and the ANM Dilemma
‘Phanuel. Are you a member of the ANM?’ asked Brindabel, from her library desk in Zaphon library.
Phanuel looked across at his twin from in front of a bookcase, with a curious look on his face. ‘Why would I be a member of the ANM?’
‘Well, are you?’ persisted Brindabel. ‘You knew Daniel from the foundation of the ANM. Did you join?’
‘I am a descendant of Noah like the rest of you, but I am just old me,’ replied Phanuel.
‘So that is a no then,’ replied Brindabel.
Phanuel pulled out the book he was looking at on customs of the Northern Territory, and sat down at the black desk. He turned some pages, and read for a while.
‘I have discussions with Daniel on Noahide doctrine, formative discussions, which founded the theology of us both,’ replied Aaron. ‘Do you need to know anything more?’
‘Never mind then,’ replied Brindabel.
Aaron concentrated on his book, and closed it. He opened his briefcase and took out his copy of the JPS Tanakh. He turned to the book of proverbs. ‘7 pillars of wisdom? Are you sure you can claim that Daniel? I think that was already taken a long time ago Mr Daly. Long before the ANM came to be.’
He closed the book, put it back in his briefcase, and returned the library book to his shelf. He waved at Brindabel as he left. Life went on.
The Dark Side of the Tiger of Wrath IX
‘Hello Kayella. Twin of my eternal fascination. I see you have showed up at my place. Travelled 1500 miles to see me? Do I want you? Of course not bitch. Fuck off back to Mr Blackstock. He sucks your tits the way like him. He never walks away. He never asks for money. He restores your faith. Great father. Fuck off bitch. Don’t want you back. Better off without Mrs Know It All. You SUCK.’
Kelly nodded. ‘Typical for Callodyn. Love of a slug. Loveless beast. Satan has more affection. I’m out of here.’
She travelled 1500 miles, came home to hubby, and said Callodyn can burn in hell.
* * *
‘Hey, she’s hot,’ said Ambriel to Callodyn. ‘What do you think? She has nice tits, right.’
‘Pretty much. I’m looking as well. Need a new chick. Kayella is a faithless bitch. Fuck’s the first dick who proposes to hang around for a long time. Mr Blackstock? Sounds like the name you give a corny country singer, or something. Give me a break. Don’t want her back. She can burn. She never liked me anyway. When I go through all the reasons in God’s infinite wisdom why he gave me Kelly Clarkson as a twin, I think this. ‘God. She has a very low intelligence. Her dress code is simplistic Christian obedient wife stuff. White picket fences personality. No original thinking. Rather banal passions for life. Not much personality. I like her tits, though. One of her redeemable qualities. She has that sarcastic love done well. But she loses the passion and goes back to bland and boring Ronan Keating life is a rollercoaster dogshit love. So fucking bland. After 5 days in that shit life becomes so predictable. Not much life. Boring. Bland. Country style. Fuck. What a boring life. Out on the farm. Pick the crops. Here comes that jerk cowboy who wants to pinch your butt. You give him a slap. Do the boring doohicky dickhead barn dance, yell ‘Yeehah’ and you call that a life. How fucking boring. But she’s a country girl. I’ll have to forgive her. She’s simple. Likes uncomplicated stuff like Jessica Simpson. Faithful servant slave wife to her country boss husband. Depressing as fuck she probably finds it, but he goes down to the tavern, and pays the bills, and looks after her, and is lovely predictable security. But she’s bored as fuck. I can tell. I’m the only passion in her life. Otherwise she’s dull as dishwater.’
Ambriel munched on a chip, staring right at Callodyn. ‘Right,’ he said. ‘Moving right along. Gonna score the blonde then?’
‘Yeh, I’ll give her a go,’ replied Callodyn.
Callodyn picked up his keychain, with a tiger on it, and walked over to the chick. ‘Hey babe,’ he said. ‘I’m Callodyn. I have a personality. Ambriel recommended I check you out. I’m not really terribly interested, though. But would you like to have a drink, and maybe we could have a bite to eat, and go play some cards down at the cardhouse down town. Bridge or something.’
‘Sounds interesting enough,’ said the blonde. ‘Will you pay for the food? I like a traditional man to take care of me? I’ll go 50/50, but those modern snaggy guys are just so gay in the end.’
‘I know what you are saying. Sure sweetcheeks. I’ll pay the bills. Can we talk about Kelly Clarkson. She’s dear to me. Need to get some shit off my chest. A good winge about some recent centuries of frustrations. You know. Life goes on and shit, but I like my girl, so I need somebody to jizzle my jazzle as a chat about American Idol number one.’
‘Sure,’ she said. ‘Let’s go handsome.’
Veldona and Shemrael 4
‘Callodyn. Ha. That’s rich. He’s as cool as a dickhead with a dick up his ass. He sucks,’ said Kayella.
‘Is that right?’ Veldona asked Kayella.
‘Secretly, his ego is phenomenal. He think’s he is the font of all wisdom, and that no truth exists apart from the truths of Callodyn. The all-knowing one. The all wise one. Believe me, I like to go torment him and tell him I care, but when I am out of his company, boy, it is a relief. He is dirty, messy, horrible dresser, and has no style. He bores me, really. Thinks it all in some sort of schizo madness world instead of traditional society. If ever conformed to a regular lifestyle after all the laughing madness, I might have some time for him. But until he grows up, no, I don’t think so.’
‘The beautiful butterfly could emerge from the cocoon one day,’ suggested Veldona.
‘His cocoon is his safety shell. He never leaves it. The private domain of spiritual strongholds of the Noahide world. They venture not far from it, for the wrath of church would be indeed upon them, believe me. And they know it. No, he is too chicken to be a man. He shan’t stray to church world ever again. An occasional visit I would be for him, to keep faith with my twin, but after that I’m glad when he’s gone.’
‘Right,’ replied Veldona. ‘Probably true.’
‘Definitely true,’ said Kayella.
Shemrael put down her cards. She was playing solitaire, and looked at Kayella. ‘Apply for a new twin. Suggest to God he officially pair you up with someone more appropriate. Would probably work for the best in the end. Nobody cares about the original historical lineup anyway. It doesn’t work in reality.’
‘Brilliant. I’ll do that,’ said Kayella. ‘I’ll go for my husband.’
A few months later Kayella had filled out some official forms at Zaphon, registered them with the overseer, which was required for a Cherubim, and she was now officially relieved of responsibilities with Callodyn, and could twin with her husband. The war of hearts was over.
Lost in Citydale 2
‘Melanie. Would you like to talk some sense into Callodyn?’ asked Daniel.
Melanie came into the room and looked at the cherubim, unshaven for the last few weeks, dressed in dirty jeans and a t-shirt, with a strong smell of unwashedness about him.
‘Your twin has found someone new, hasn’t she?’ inquired Melanie.
Callodyn nodded. ‘Fucking bitch. I hate her guts. She’s as faithful as a slug. No, scratch that. A worm. A country worm, made of doohicky country doodlefuck.’
Melanie nodded. ‘You have your father’s creativity, I will acknowledge that. Ring up Kayella. And come with me to Citydale tomorrow.’
Callodyn nodded, and put on the TV, watching the A Team, as Melanie returned to the kitchen, and then went to her room.
‘She’s not easy to win, is Kayella. She is a challenge to get,’ said Daniel to Callodyn.
‘I’ve kept my eye on her man,’ said Callodyn. ‘I don’t know. I’m not sure if he will be eternally committed. She’s wife number two. There exists a prior lover, who he might return to in time. Eternity has unending possibilities of faith, and I’m not sure if Mr Blackstock will really want her in the long run.’
‘Contingencies. Give her a long rope,’ said Daniel. ‘Anyway, we have a review to go through. You ready at the moment.’
Callodyn sat down at the table. Daniel took out a picture.
‘Draven. He’s sharp,’ said Daniel ‘Almost has an IQ point now. Focused on some definite good ideas. Bumped into him not long ago and had a chat. He dropped a bit of his guard about some of his concerns. I noticed a few things in his general tour of eternal duty. Certain patterns repeated, disjointed, and he is far from predictable. But the plan is gradually starting to emerge. He’s not silly, this one. Longer term player than most, by the looks of it. Keep your eye on him. Hang around his woman. Study her culture with her. Some wisecracking comments about her ass and things, and she’ll like you enough. You know, same old tactics. They are usually fun times in the end.’
Callodyn nodded and reached for the cold pizza. ‘I have an old sermon which I need to pray over,’ said Callodyn. ‘There are some new textures I want to add to it.’
‘Check with dad, first. Things are stable at the moment. We’re not looking for too much growth apart from standard spiritual inputs,’ replied Daniel.
‘Will do,’ replied Callodyn, and waffled down his pizza.
‘I’ll get that bitch, ‘ thought Callodyn. ‘I have a new idea.’
The morning came, and Melanie and Callodyn had come to a place in Citydale which sold watches.
‘Will any of you Daniel’s ever wear a watch?’ Melanie asked Callodyn.
Callodyn handed over his debit card and bought a basic casio, of mid price. ‘I’ll wear it for a year in your honour,’ he said to Melanie.
Melanie nodded. ‘Thank you Callodyn,’ she replied.
Callodyn had ‘Melanie C Rocks’ engraved on the back of the watch, and did wear it for a year. Then he took it off, cleaned it a bit, and headed off to a private archive, where he travelled down several sub levels, and put the watch next to a picture of Melanie on a shelf. He put a noted in the archive shelf diary of the addition, and thought of a few words to write on Melanie’s recent conversation, and left the archive, headed home to Danielphon, and sat down, took up a picture of Kayella, and started drawing a moustache on her
‘I’ll send this to her mom,’ he thought to himself. ‘That’ll teach the bitch.’ And Callodyn chuckled.
‘God. Now he is average,’ said Daniel to Melanie.
‘Average?’ queried Melanie. ‘You esteem him of such high quality as to be of average nature? My, you are a God lover aren’t you?’
‘He’s qualified at Mediocrity now. He’s put in an effort recently. Like Jesus. Jesus has now, in true divine humility, acknowledged it. Yes, Lord David, King of Schmucks. I am not the Messiah. I humbly bow at your divine pronouncement. You are wise, father of Solomon the Whore Fucker and son of Jesse the Progenitor. I admit it.’
‘He made such a declaration?’ inquired Melanie.
‘Of this I am sure. Surely it is so? Could no more eloquent words of self-abasement, of such marvellous honesty, ever be truly spoken? Surely they were the words. Surely.’
‘Methinks your overactive imagination has come out to hit 6 sixes again, and gotten out for a duck,’ replied Melanie C.
‘You could be right,’ replied Daniel. ‘But that is justice. Justice speaks divine wisdom at times, of what really should be, if it never even, in terms of historical points of fact, eventuated. Twould be grand if it did, but what you can you do. But Justice declares a true spirit of life, were all is accounted for, and all is in balance, and every wrong is made right, as it where, and truth is upheld. And the glory you say? Old 87 never really fails on that. It never really does.’
‘Pizza,’ said Melanie ‘You want me to buy you a pizza, don’t you?’
‘Order Coca Cola, and some ice, and I’ll go into the archive and choose an appropriate DVD.’
‘Yes, Daniel san,’ replied Melanie. ‘Thy will be done.’
And Daniel was pleased.
Peter the Jew 2
‘Peter, Peter, Peter,’ said Mary Magdalene. ‘Have you acknowledged that Elohim alone, the God of Israel, and not Jehovah, the God of Judaism, is the true God? They are not one and the same. Jehovah is a creation of God for the absolutist Jewish mind. They have no concept of things betwixt and asunder. Simplistic extremists. Jehovah suits them. Hast thou verily acknowledged this truth yet?’
Peter looked through the refrigerator. ‘Do we have tomatoes? You can’t make a proper salad sandwich without tomatoes.’
Mary sighed, and went back into the other room were Jesus and Madonna were looking through a photograph album.
‘I kicked ass here, too’ said Madonna. ‘The 1990 tour. I was fucking glory that year, you know. They practicaly worshipped me. Kicked fucking ass.’
‘It does appear so,’ replied Jesus, looking at the photos.
‘They were all so average in your service, mighty Lord. No real sense of the tradition. So uncaring. So shallow. So lukewarm. They could not accept the Lordship of Jesus in the end, for they were afraid of things. I kept faith my lord and master. I shan’t betray thee. Thou knowest this well, don’t ye? I am far from being a sinner.’
‘Indeed. That must be the case,’ replied Jesus. ‘Mary? When will dinner be reader sweetheart?’
‘Mary Magdalene looked at the wench harlot Madonna and thought she would say something, but with womanly wisdom refrained on this heretic bitch, and went off to prepare dinner.’
‘She’s a faithful wife, isn’t she?’ queried Jesus. ‘Just like you are, right? I am right in saying that, aren’t I? You are hardly the faithless kind to a marriage vow, are you? Hardly, right?’
Madonna looked at Jesus. ‘Are you serious dude?’
‘I guess that sums it up,’ replied the Man from Nazareth.
Lost in Citydale 3
Callodyn and Daniel were in a park in Citydale, having lunch. ‘I’ve been thinking it over,’ said Daniel the Seraphim. ‘Sarcasm has to fall within the paradigms of acceptance on a heavenly level. We can’t really descend down to purgatory on our sarcasm. Our reputation would suffer if we fell to purgatory because of excessive sarcasm. Have we been under control enough Cally Wally?’
Callodyn bit into his burger. ‘Fuck a duck. Let’s hope so old man. I don’t know. We are getting along well enough with a large range of associated individuals, have a decent conduct of law abiding practice, and our sarcasm has been used effectively to mock pride, as far as I can generally tell. We don’t have a spirit of belittlement in it. It has always been rebuke, and holding fast on legal facts. Nah, they aint fucking got us. The standards of the rest are far from being anything at all approaching our requirement to improve at all. They’ve got nothing on us whatsoever. We are within the framework of acceptable vibrant live conversation and animated activity. We’re not the boring ones who think they are holier than us with superior standards. It’s all holier than thou shit in the end. Who gives a fuck if they take offense. They exalt themselves as dragons on pedestals, and our humor has allways been skilfully and excellently displayed. Our motivations of improving our catalogue of friends has never ceased, and till they conquer anything at all approaching our wisdom they have no grounds whatsoever for us giving the slightest fuck. Let them keep their lashon hara. They can shove it up their jatz crackers in the end as far as I’m concerned. Boring lives. Lacking adventure. Lacking spark of fire eternal. Lacking a well developed intellect and a spirit of genius. A spirit able to overcome their predictably trite and shallow attempts at holiness, building on the rock of apostle Pauls bland and predictable no swears rule. Fucking boring in the end. They suck in the end. They can’t relate, and we don’t really want them to in the end anyway. It’s not our scene their serious demeanours and standards of law abiding piety. Quite boring people when it comes right down to it.’
‘Let’s explore Citydale. Leave the reprobate to their holiness books, and converse at a more civilized standard with those with fluency in dialogue of wit far more developed than the simplistic faith of the Jew Crew.’
‘Amen,’ replied Callodyn, as they finished their lunch and explored the well established metropolis.
The Dark Side of the Tiger of Wrath X
‘Kelly Clarkson. She has reasonable standards,’ said Callodyn. ‘She expects too much. No sense of humor. Can’t relate to levels of genius. The only way to approach her is to descend to her simple Clarkson level of communication standard. Well, it’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it,’ thought Callodyn to himself. ‘Well, here we go.’ ‘How are you doing Mrs Blackstock?’ Callodyn asked his twin Kelly.
‘Very well thank you Callodyn,’ replied Kelly Clarkson.
‘Have you been enjoying the weather? How is the music career going?’ asked Callodyn.
‘The music career is very successful,’ replied Kelly. ‘I have worked very hard to impress people and set a good standard for my name,’ replied Kelly.
‘Excellent. I have bought some sandwiches. Salad ones. With orange juice. We shall have lunch here in the cafeteria, and discuss theology,’ said Callodyn.
‘Fine,’ said Kelly, sitting down in Zaphon cafeteria opposite her twin.
‘First of all, I’d like to comment. I have been observing your progress these past many aeons, and you have improved. You have hospitable manners, and courteous attitudes. You are longsuffering, patient, and well spoken. You maintain a quality witness with your fellow Americans and are a good example for the children. You have done well.’
‘Thanks Callodyn. I am happy you have noticed that.’
Callodyn started eating his sandwich. ‘These are good sandwiches. They remind me of the kinds of things people like Kelly Clarkson like to eat. Wholesome food.’
‘Indeed,’ replied Kelly. ‘Most definitely wholesome. Nourishing, full of good vitamins and fibre. Good for the body, to grow up strong and do your duties in the Kingdom of God.’
‘Indeed,’ replied Callodyn. ‘A true servant of the glory upon high, it appears, you definitely are. Not many like yourself Mrs Clarkson. A sterling witness of American finery.’
Kelly looked at Callodyn with a glance. ‘Are you being sincere Callodyn. You seem to have softened your approach.’
‘Relating to Kelly brings me joy. She is my blessed twin, my divine sister, eternally devoted I am to her friendship, and it is good to have Kelly in my life. Life works with Kayella as twin to Callodyn. How could it be any other way.’
‘How indeed,’ replied Kelly, a little uncertain, looking at Callodyn calmly eating his sandwich. Calmly.
‘Oh, I have a new toy tiger,’ said Callodyn. ‘It is very wrathful. I put it under some flame for a few seconds last week and said to it, you have been a bad pussy cat. Into hell I should throw you.’
‘What did it do?’ replied Kelly.
‘It said ‘I’m sorry. Please forgive me.’ So I gave it a break, and threw it into my toy box collection. But I fear its wrath at me for not cutting it some slack might be fierce one day,’ said Callodyn.
‘Indeed,’ replied the first and most glorious of the American Idols.
‘How do you escape the theology of humility versus pride?’ Melanie asked Daniel.
‘Omipresence. Everywhere theology. Works for me sweet cheeks,’ replied Daniel.
‘Explain Omnipresence,’ asked Melanie.
Daniel took hold of Melanie’s cheeks. ‘G – O – D’ Mewanie. ‘G – O – D’. ‘Old El Shaddai is present everywhere. Now Jehovah, he is the centre of attention. Resides in the centre of existence. Likes to be on everyone’s mind. The ultimate pride based system. Kick’s everyone’s ass because nobody is prouder than Jehovah. But old Elohim, God, is present everywhere, not concerned with the trivialities of pride. Beyond such simplistic thinking. You seen, psalm 139 delineates the perfection of God. In the depths of hell he is there, still watching you if he chooses. You know horse shit? God designed horse shit. Jehovah, he gives legalism to keep the Joobaloobers separate from horse shit. Keep that shit out of the camp, Moses insists. Very sensitive old Joe. Like the Ark of the Covenant. Touch that shit, your dead motherfucker. None prouder than old Joe Blow. Michael, Angel of the LORD, was proud as well. We see this in Joshua. Take off your shoes, because this motherfucking place is holy ground, scum cunt. Moses obeyed. If he had any balls he would have said ‘Fuck you you arrogant angel dick. I’m the badass Levite the Almighty gets a kick out of. I’ve got style, Mikey Dyke. You? Ha? What frikking contribution did you end up making to our holy Tanakh. Sweet fuck all. Ego trip, motherfucker. No street cred. This apparent book of truth in the heavenlies, but no Terran street cred. You make me – SICK. Fuck off Prince of Israel. Take the nasty shit, or fuck the hell off.’
‘Obviously Moses never said those words,’ said Melanie.
Daniel took a puff on his ciggie, and very casually said ‘He’s getting around to it.’
‘And how does that explain the evading of the pride/humility trap?’ asked Melanie.
‘He’s beyond really caring about that. Self awareness. Self knowing. He knows who he is. He knows what he is. He doesn’t have to answer to other people, because he has confidence or, to be more précises, keen knowledge and understanding of his own abilities. And more than that, he has a heart, and cares for his creation, and because he cares for his creation he doesn’t really mind who he has to deal with and is prepared to go to various levels of engagement with individuals, societies and civilizations to accomplish the purposes of maintaining a decent human society and, occasionally, seeking improvements in the system. He is likely beyond caring terribly much if people acknowledge his glory that much, because he is happy with his work and the rewards he gets from his labour of creation. God values people. Ultimately, I am not really sure if he is that concerned if some of his creations don’t work out in the end. If, from their sovereign choices they make, they make too many sinful choices and too many unwise choices, and doggedly set their way of knowledge on these principles, they can make a pathway to decay of their body, soul and spirit. God places signs of warning along the pathway of life, to educate these people, but if they want to be pigheadedly stubborn and set in their ways, beyond the ability to compromise and learn a better way – if they must keep their pride – then then will end up in death and sheol, and God will take that spirit back when its person is destroyed, and that soul will die, and that person will be no more. Then he will take that spirit and put it aside for a while, before he gives it a good long thinking on, contemplating what he will do with it next time. A human spirit won’t change status from a human spirit. That’s what it is – made in the image of God. And a male spirit will never become a female spirit and vice versa. These are truth that spirit sometimes has to learn, especially those who think they can, in self deceit, alter their sexual orientation or status. That is one of the biggest deception, and they keep at it because of weakness in men choosing the gay way, and pride in women trying to rival men. Thus all the lameness in fags, and all the butchness in lesbians. Till they learn their spiritual makeup has an eternal truth to it, and God never changes his frikking mind in what he created, they will live in sin. God wins the debate. What, you think you will get the best of him? Hel laughs at that and delights in your attempts to change his mind. He enjoys his upper hand, and mocking that spirit for trillions of years in its stubborn pride if necessary. God wins the debate, you know. He’s not a silly dumbass.’
‘Right,’ said Melanie. ‘I’ll think that over.’
‘Time for coca cola,’ said Daniel, and departed the room to enjoy partaking of one of his more favoured beverages.
Peter the Jew 3
‘Dear Peter,’ began Noah. ‘You are aware that Jesus taught the church to repent at the beginning of his Gospel ministry, are you not?’
Peter nodded. ‘Indeed father Noah. I am aware of that.’
‘It is not really an optional extra in your faith, is it? Failing to repent?’ asked Noah.
‘Not really,’ replied Peter. ‘The Church was built on it, but it must be rebuilt on that foundation. We won’t please God if we don’t turn from our sins and serve him properly.’
‘So the first pope, and foundation of the Church of Jesus of Nazareth must maintain the core truth of the New Testament, which God himself also acknowledges. Repentance of sin. The Church must endure on that truth, and can’t change that truth. The gates of hell will tear you down if you don’t remember basic lessons. You won’t forget basic lessons, will you, Cephas?’
‘No,’ replied the Apostle firmly.
‘Analyse the book you have more carefully this time. Take proper time to expound the truths in a more perfect way. Good luck to you.’
‘Thank you Noah,’ replied Peter.
Peter the Jew 4
‘Plastic dashboard Jesus. Why on earth do you have a plastic dashboard Jesus, John Francis Bongiovi?’ asked the angel Gabriel.
‘Lost Highway, man. Life is a lost highway. I don’t know where I am going, but I know where I’ve been.’
‘Are you afraid to give Jesus another go?’ asked the Apostle Peter. ‘We think we’ll get it right this time.’
‘Keep the faith, man. One thing I learned, keep the faith. Sure. I’m in.’
Gabriel nodded. ‘The man from Nazareth will get it right this time. Or I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.’
‘You know that is actually more logical, when you think about it,’ said Peter. ‘Devolution. Why the hell, under the laws of entropy, would mankind evolve? Things run down. Devolution. Man to Monkey.’
‘Could an interesting doctrine to promulgate,’ commented Gabriel. ‘A Darwin this time again I think. One of Charles descendants. Top quality delusion. Isaiah will definitely approve. Should reap a heap of fantasy fiction as well. Major buckeroonies on that idea.’
‘Sounds good,’ said Peter. ‘Love the truth, or off you go to hell. Standard model again. Should be good.’
‘Indeed Peter,’ replied the Angel of the Sledge Hammer.
The Life of Satan 2
‘Devolution, devil. Are you up for it?’ asked Jesus of Satan, down in the depths of hell, where he was reading the JPS Tanakh.
‘Sounds intriguing. Tell me more,’ replied the dark lord of evil.
‘Monkey Magic is proving popular these days. The Comedy Doll thinks he rules the world. We’ll honour the contract, and judge the fuckers for their monkey worship. Ceasar spoke in Ape Planet Shitfuck Abomination movie, so let’s go with the flow, preach the usual bullshit, and have some fun.’
‘Works for me,’ replied the Devil, who was busy in the book of Job, working on his case against Jehovah.
‘We will all be glorious monkeys, at the end of humanity’s strength, walking around, scratching our crotches, swinging from trees, being Tarzan, and all that jazz,’ said Jesus.
‘All the Morning Stars sang for joy?’ queried Satan. ‘That’s bullshit. I would never frikking sing for joy. What a pile of shit.’
‘Yeh, whatever,’ replied the Christ Child. ‘I’ll fill you in on the details as we go along. Ciao motherfucker.’
Satan nodded, and continued studying the text, thinking through his impending legal case with the Almighty upon high.
Lost in Citydale 4
Veldona the Cherubim was at the Chess café in Citydale. She was playing ‘Universal Talent 447’ who had shown up and was combating her skill with his supposedly adroit and in depth knowledge of the game.
‘I am remarkable, you know,’ said UT. ‘Truly remarkable. I impress myself so often. Sometimes I sit there, noticing the brilliant move I have made and I say to myself, you know UT, that was a fucking brilliant move. Well conceived, well thought out, exhibiting deep strategy and understanding of the game. That move impresses even me. And I made it.’
‘Right,’ replied Veldona. She moved her bishop. ‘Check,’ she said.
‘Yep,’ continued UT 447. ‘Beyond the glory of Mr Fisher, some of my moves. I mean, he’s good. But I’m phenomenal babe.’
‘Shut up Daniel,’ said Veldona.
‘Some times I lie on my bed at night, and look up at the ceiling, and I think. You know, it’s pretty damn glorious being me. I don’t know about the rest of them, but it’s pretty damn glorious being me.’
Veldona observed her adversary. ‘They say pride comes before the fall, Daniel. Have you ever considered that yourself? Surely UT447 is only human in the end.’
‘But such magnificent humanit, you know. I humbly admit my greatness. What can I say.’
‘Your move,’ said Veldona.
Daniel looked down at the chess board. ‘This game bores me. I think I will retire undefeated.
Veldona smiled. ‘I graciously accept your retirement.’
They ate their meals then, and chatted, and Daniel looked at the chess board for a while.
‘What, you have a response?’ queried Veldona, a smile on her face. Daniel’s face looked serious. He made a moved. Veldona looked at it. ‘Mmm. Very defensive of you. Basic strategy.
‘Your move,’ he said.
The game continued.
‘You know,’ continued Daniel. ‘There are other things which I am impressed about myself also. My talent at Micronation Development. It’s extraordinary, you know. I have developed over 12 independently running micronations throughout history. Full legal structures, much of the culture, and other associated requirements of a micronation. 14 or 15 of them I think all up. Here and there throughout Eternya and the planetary bodies. Keltaravandrakar has over 5 million legal permanent inhabitants, you know. They are very steady now, and have productive and happy lives.’
‘And that gives you happiness?’ asked Veldona.
‘Serving God, you see,’ replied Daniel. ‘Establishing little nails of solid life pattern behaviour in the world, enduring elements who don’t change their plans, objectives and way of life ever. Consistency in a society which is all too frequently given to change.’
‘And that is a good thing?’ asked Veldona.
‘Libertarian Anarchy ends up destroying everything,’ replied Daniel. ‘The fundamental flaw in Apostle Paul’s diatribe. Freedom in Christ. Bit of a dick for thinking he could escape law. Fucktard really.’
‘I suppose so,’’ said Veldona. ‘Your move again.’
The game ebbed and flowed, and ended in a draw.
‘Same again in a few months?’ queried Veldona the Cherubim to her elder Seraphim brother.
‘Same again sweet cheeks,’ replied Daniel.
The Dark Side of the Tiger of Wrath XI
‘Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. You actually do have some talent at singing. It’s not much, mind you. A reasonable voice and range. But there is some,’ said Callodyn.
‘Oh, you’ve noticed have you?’ replied Kelly.
‘Yes. I’ve been listening to Breakaway, and noticed that there are some textures of musical significance in them. You have almost a basic level competence at your job. Worth a comment I thought,’ replied Callodyn.
‘I’m one of the bestselling artists of all time,’ replied Kelly.
‘The mediocre populace is well renowned for its lack of taste, but I will cut you some slack. Not too pathetic. Maybe a 2 or even a 3 out of 10 I give the album. On a good day, that is.’
‘So gracious,’ replied Kelly. ‘I am truly flattered.’
‘Yes. Yes, you should be. Receiving honour from the prestigious Callodyn the Extraordinary truly is something to write home about.’
‘Isn’t he one of the children of heaven?’ replied Kelly.
‘Never heard of him,’ stated Callodyn with strength.
‘Yes. Yes, he’s a child of heaven. We had dinner with him 3 weeks ago. We’ve known him for millions of years. He is called Callodyn the Extraordinary.
‘Vaguely I recall this person you speak of,’ replied Callodyn. ‘He has yet to impress me though.’
‘You have his complete works of theological writings,’ said Kelly. ‘They are one of the prizes of your collection. You brag every now about them, that they are first printings, and of extraordinary value.’
Callodyn looked squarely at Kelly. ‘Yes, the album is definitely a 2 at a minimum. One day I might put it on again. In the dim and distant future.’
‘You’ve played it about 30 times this week,’ said Kelly
‘Be that as it may, I may consider listening to it again one day. Should I wish to peruse mediocrity in greater detail.’
‘Oh, stick you,’ said Kelly. ‘Go play with your plastic toy tiger of wrath. I’m going home to my husband.’ She picked up her keys, walked to the door, but slowly turned. She smiled warmly at Callodyn, turned, and was gone, gone with the wind.
Callodyn sighed, turned on the TV to the A Team, and sat there. And then he laughed a little to himself. And life went on.
Gabriel and Aquariel III
Gabriel sat in a corner of a field in a corner of a town in a corner of a state in a corner of a country. Broome, Western Australia, in Terraphora. His domain in many ways, a distance from Terraphon, but home. Aquariel was on his mind. Aquariel, not his wife, no longer to be his wife, for her irrevocable judgement was usually that they couldn’t work things out, for the twinning of the Children of Destiny could not be eternal mateship. So he sat there thinking it over, and sighed, and finally picked up the ancient tome on the subject. A passage read: ‘Twins are the heart of each other. They are bonded, and they are love for each other, but there is a truth in a relationship of such character, that sometimes a brother and a sister of a lord are almost too closely connected. Some strange reason why. Some undisclosed mystery of past thought or future reality. Who can say. But the twin can not and must not be an inseperable bond between them, for there are others of life, and so it was formed at the beginning. It is separation, in the end, to delve into the world of a private relationship, to admit and brook no other affair, for if it is private, and blissful, and no other can interfere with such a divinely ordained truth, then pride will enter in, and they will gradually cut themselves off, and form their own plans. And when the plans of conquest, if considered, are rejected, the other option of vanity is the dominion of one’s own authority with one’s own mate, and I think, in truth, when the wars of rivals are complete, that they will only be at odds with each other, so set in stone on their own traditions, that segregation will be eternal, and what does that mean? The community of Seraphim will die, and the community of Cherubim will die, and the family of God will die, for they will be worlds apart, and no longer will God be able to call divine assembly, and no longer will God be able to call them his own family. For the hostility and vengeance towards each other will be fierce, and the rivals will be eternally at odds, and can peace reign in such truth. Yet, I know, many will choose these truths, and segregate, and go their own way. And spiritual disharmony will perpetually arise, and never be resolved, for pillars of eternal pride are difficult to shit, especially in exalted ones, especially in those who really should be old enough to know.’
‘Tough,’ he thought to himself. ‘Then he would have to nail the bitch whenever he could, and leave it at that. Such was life.
Krystabel and the Clock of Eternity IV
‘It goes on,’ said Krystabel.
Loquiel nodded. ‘Why wouldn’t it? How couldn’t it?’
‘Of course, it could eventually complete its work and start again. Once all is said and done,’ suggested Ambriel.
‘It never shall, I fear,’ sighed Krystabel.
‘It is eternity you see,’ said Loquiel.
‘But all that will be will be,’ retorted Ambriel.
‘Yet it is in the flow,’ said Krystabel.
‘Which lasts all eternity,’ said Loquiel.
‘Which is coloured up by the infinite mind,’ said Krystabel.
‘With new textures eternal,’ said Loquiel.
‘Of things most pleasant,’ said Krystabel.
‘And of things forgotten, which always helps,’ said Loquiel.
‘Steadily building on the priors foundation stones,’ said Krystabel.
‘As the mystery moves us on,’ said Loquiel.
‘And in the distant past in the distant future, we know Ambriel’s truths are but somewhat anyway,’ said Krystabel.
‘And in that truth we rest,’ replied Loquiel.
Ambriel leaned back in his chair against the clock of eternity. The eternal ticking of the clock. It was just that apparently. Eternal. On and on through infinite knowledge, it would appear, but how much could be practical? How much could be worthwhile and necessary?
‘It goes on,’ said Krystabel, looking at Ambriel.
‘It goes on,’ said Loquiel.
And Ambriel sighed and accepted things the way they were.
Azrael was sitting at his table in Az’s place, in the back room, looking at the accounts. Things were grim. Only 400 regulars these days, or thereabouts, and they didn’t visit all the time. Alcohol was not so much in vogue at the moment. He took a pen and his writing pad and wrote down some words. Juice. Soft drink. Beverages. Dairy Milk Products. He looked at the list and considered his options. He was Azrael. He had an image to maintain. Right, Ginger Beer to start with. A decent range of them. Apple juice of exception quality would be good enough, and people didn’t mind alcoholic apple cider occasionally. Maybe lattes, as they were cool enough, and he didn’t mind one on occasions, but no Iti cappucino’s, that wasn’t his scene. The nuts and the chips wouldn’t change, but maybe an addition. He thought about it and decided on chocolate covered honeycomb. A decent Irish company to attract the Irish. Yep, that should do. Ah, this was justice he thought to himself. Too many drinking parties over too many years and the Most High was teaching him a lesson. Keep it under control, or eventually there will be prices to pay. He’d have to learn his lesson and soften up a bit. Next time, yes, he would learn from his mistake and tighten up the code of conduct for the pub a tad, and it should be fine.
‘Well, Cosadriel. Did you enjoy your strawberry milkshake?’ asked Azrael, coming back into the main room.
‘Fantastic,’ replied the Seraphim. ‘Didn’t know you had such talent at making them.’
‘Probably an option I will go with also in the changes coming up,’ said Azrael. ‘A slight mood shift. Still alcohol, but a differing selection of choices also on the menu.’
‘I’ll give you a work contract again,’ said Cosadriel. ‘Life gets predictable. Time at Az’s place in the new scene will develop some new strengths. Could be a party.’
‘Probably more of a cocktail affair,’ replied Azrael. ‘The heavy boozing will have to go for now. A tighter ship needs to be run.’
‘Sounds good,’ said Cosadriel. ‘This weekend. The Terravon. Swimming with the girls. You up for it.’
‘Count me in,’ replied Azrael. ‘Looking forward to it already.’
Cosadriel sipped on his milkshake and stared at Azrael. ‘Great fucking milkshake,’ he said.
Azrael looked back at him.
‘Very manly stuff,’ continued Cosadriel.
Azrael nodded. ‘Appropriate for Icelanders I think.’
‘And served by the Scots who are experts in that stuff,’ said Cosadriel.
‘Nobody does it better,’ replied Azrael.
‘Yep. Manly stuff,’ continued Cosadriel. ‘It’s going to put hairs on my chest for sure.’
Azrael looked around the room. Kwintakel was not in sight. He stood, walked over to the bar, picked out two Coronas, and returned.
‘This is still a tavern, you know,’ said Azrael.
Cosadriel opened his bottle of beer, took a sip, and replied. ‘Yep. I know.’
And they drank, and soon started playing cards, and after a while quite a number of old faces started showing up, in a more sedate atmosphere in Az’s place, in Zaphona City in the heart of the Realm of Eternity.
Lost in Citydale 5
‘Taylor,’ said Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly. ‘I challenge you at chess, here in Citydale, the site of great feats of chess glory.’
Taylor looked at her flame. ‘I suppose,’ she finally said.
‘Sit, woman. And prepare to be dazzled by my spectacular display.’
Taylor sat down at the chess board. ‘What colour do you want to be? Black or White?’ asked Taylor.
‘You choose,’ said Taylor.
‘Black. You are definitely black,’ said Taylor.
‘Fine,’ replied Daniel, as they set up the pieces. ‘Oh, how do you play this game?’ asked Daniel.
Taylor looked at him. ‘You don’t know how to play chess?’
‘I am the most gifted chess mind in creation but I haven’t gotten around to studying the game yet. Oh, maybe a long time ago, but I didn’t bother with it that much in the end.’
‘Right,’ nodded Taylor. ‘Well, the Queen is the toughest piece.’
‘Ah, but it is the King you need to kill to win the game. It’s all about the King. The King moves one piece at a time, and in my strategy I use my Queen bitch to kill the other Queen bitch first of all, then we let the war of kings happen.’
‘Fascinating,’ replied Taylor.
‘Yep. War of the bitches to start with, then the royal splendour of kingly strategy is at work.’
‘You think you are so cool then. Well, I will defend my queen,’ she said.
‘What a pussy. All the frikking power and she runs and hide. Pathetic.’
‘Oh, stick you,’ replied Taylor.
‘Well, I wouldn’t mind giving you a bit of my stick,’ said Daniel. ‘If you know what I mean.’
‘And what type of stick exactly?’ asked Taylor.
Daniel smiled. ‘Now that would be telling. Anyway, your move.’
Taylor looked at the chess set. ‘I sense this could be problematic. You don’t really know the game well and I don’t want to embarrass you.’
‘I can hack it Tails. What is life if you can’t enjoy the experiences it has to offer.’
‘Your funeral buddy,’ she replied.
They played. Daniel kicked her ass.
‘Mmm,’ said Taylor at the end. ‘You can’t play, huh?’
‘I vaguely recalled some of the basics,’ said Daniel.
‘You love me?’ she asked.
‘Forever and always Taylor Swift. Forever and always,’ replied Daniel.
‘You probably mean it though, don’t you?’ asked Taylor.
‘Well, what do you think sweet cheeks. What do you think.’
‘Whatever,’ replied Ms Swift, and smiled. At least the schmuck was loyal. She would give him that much. At least he was loyal.
Gabriel and Aquariel IV
‘So you are the eternal firstborn, are you?’ Aquariel asked Gabriel, prince of Rome.
‘It looks like that,’ replied Gabriel. ‘Rome. The Eternal City. What can I say, sweet cheeks. Got the job done in the end, bitch. Repented of Michael’s circumcision ritual of destruction, and established Rome as the firsborn of God’s nations of the world. I am number one bitch. Number fucking one.’
‘And when will the Jew Crew cease to exist?’ asked Aquariel.
‘Zionistya is mostly a party town now,’ replied Gabriel. ‘The Church and its power are finally broken, and Madonna is doing her last rites with Jesus of Nazareth before she comes home to Terraphora. The bitch has finally gotten over the death entity.’
‘That is good,’ said Aquariel. ‘I see that you have accomplished your mission. And what of the British Empire? How will you claim sovereignty from those dastardly fellows?’
‘Tough work,’ replied Gabriel. ‘There are no legal rights established with firstborn in the natural order of things. They are just the oldest. Whoever works in reality can accomplish their own name, fame and reputation amongst the children of men. Birth rank means didley squat in the end.’
‘And this is a truth that the ValDan alliance is built upon, isn’t it?’ she queried.
Gabriel went silent for a few moments. ‘I don’t know all their truths yet. They are clever bastards. They’ve ruled a long time now, and I don’t think I can yet work out how to defeat them. They are probably en eternal constant now. Rome can’t really compete on their chosen spheres of authority. It will have to be our own cultural strengths and contributions to human society were we play fair. Under the Torah of Noah each nation trades fairly and equitably with other nations. Apparently if you play by the rules of fair conduct and decent play, impress other nations, don’t do anything immoral, take all legal opportunities for advancement you have at your disposal, work hard, work smart, try harder than the opposition, be a team player, never forget to go for the glory, stick with with the legal judgements you have made, correct your faults, acknowledge when you have made mistakes, treat people with respect, persevere, think carefully and plan well, consider the overall impact you are having on the bigger picture, be reckless enough to say fuck it and get the job done to your liking, set the pace, set the agenda, and a trillion other pieces of bullshit I have learned from Daniel, then you might have a snowfuckball’s chance in hell. But only just.’
‘Well, that is good to know,’ replied Aquariel. ‘Keep at it Signore.’
‘Ciao, replied Gabriel, and went off looking for that trading card he wanted to cash in on to earn some cashola for a new project he had in mind.
The Dark Side of the Tiger of Wrath XII
‘Radrukiel. How long have you studied Russian history?’ asked Kayella.
‘It is my collection of Russian Tiger skins I would rather talk about Kayella. They are good for making love upon. And I have made love on many Russian Tiger skins,’ replied Radrukiel.
‘A bit of a Tiger, are we?’ asked Kayella.
‘I am the spirit of the Tiger. A ferocious beast. Prouder than a lion, fiercer than a dragon, wiser than a bear, a holy Tiger, rising up from the midnight sea, oh what is becoming of me.’
‘Tiger’s are cute,’ said Kayella. ‘But in the end they are just pussies.’
‘Well call me a pussy and fuck me up the arse then,’ replied Radrukiel, and grinned at her.
‘I reiterate, prince of Russia. How long have you studied Russian history?’ continued Kayella.
‘Since the dawn of Creation Russia was in the plans of Almighty God. To combat this fierce and proud Anglosphere, full of decadence, harlotry and sin. And crazy chaotic idiots like Daniel the Seraphim. Russian logic is stronger, older, and wiser than the mere pretense at glory of the English. They are simple. Motivated by comedy and sex and beer. Not philosophical. Not considering the broader society and what works well for human civilization. Russia is well experienced at being a super power. The English could barely hold their own when it comes right down to it. We keep them in check, amused, as we live peaceful lives, leaving their own whore Babylon to sort out its own mess. Simple people. Obsessed with rules and regulations. Life is the Russian way, when you know the Seraphim Torah’s true interpretations.’
‘You are of course correct,’ replied Kayella. ‘Such wisdom in your tone is quite apparent. Relaxed, stable, confident. An amazing sense of self awareness and strength. A great Seraphim ye are indeed.’
‘Now we shag?’ queried Radrukiel.
‘Maybe some other day,’ replied the cherubim twin of Callodyn.
‘So, Jesus,’ said Satan. ‘It has come down to this. You have started to not matter very much to them. It appears you were never really the Messiah. Were you?’
Jesus bit on his lip. ‘No. I wasn’t.’
‘And you lied, didn’t you?’ queried Satan.
‘Yes. I did,’ replied Jesus.
‘And your charisma and spirituality was an addiction which sucked people in, but they got over it in the end, didn’t they?’
‘Pretty much,’ responded the man from Nazareth.
‘Your followers have mostly left you. Peter hangs around a bit, but they have gone back to their own lives, haven’t they?’ said Satan.
‘Yes. It appears to be the case,’ replied Jesus.
‘So why would trivial matters of the Book of Revelation, a lie, really matter that much to me in the end then anyway?’ queried Satan.
‘I guess they wouldn’t,’ replied Jesus.
‘So goodbye Jesus. You don’t really matter to me anymore. Good luck with your Judaism. You’ll need it.’
And the dark lord abandoned Jesus of Nazareth, and turned his attention on the Kingdom of Noah. There were bigger fish to fry than Jesus and the Jew Crew.
Blindriel the Rat
Blindriel was a cunning rat. He was an Irish rat. He had a taste for the English language, because he was a loyal Irish Rat to the English across the sea. He had decided he would keep faith with England forever. As one of his favourite songs, There will Always be an Ireland, by Fiona Kennday, maintained the eternal glory of Ireland, a song you could find mind you, if you searched a bit here and there, but mainly on the Internet thing, on that youtube thingamy, there was also There Willl Always be an England by Vera Lynn. And that sounded good as well. He liked the idea of the United Kingdom, did Blindriel, and his logic was that Northern Ireland should eternally remain in the United Kingdom. But the Republic of Ireland should eternally remain the Republic of Ireland. The legal structures and traditions of the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland were strong, and he didn’t mind getting along with the English, Scots, Welsh and Manxians, to maintain the glory of the Irish and British Isles. Hibernia was his loved home. But he delighted in Albion also. And the Picts were always a party, and the welsh Pendragon family a sheer delight of Holy Grail glory. They were a laugh riot, and while there would never be any fucking surrender, they worked as a team when push came to shove. So the current agenda was to work on his projects of strengthening the Irish people in the Anglosphere, to carve out the Kingdom of Ireland, and keep the faith with the Irish clans in the Anglosphere, ready to go to battle with Her Majesty’s Armed forces if necessary, because Irish Colours didn’t run from cold bloody war either, even if in World War II they hadn’t quite worked out that Hitler was an evil maggot who deserved everything he got with the humbling of the fuckwit Nazis. The Eagle has Landed was a classic lesson, but Ireland wouldn’t fall for that bullshit Irish traitors garbage any more. Donald Sutherland. Snow in The Hunger Games. He as a fucking brilliant actor, and Blindriel though the world of him. His character shone in the Eagle has landed, and he was a top Irish bastard, but fucked in his head for siding with the Nazi scum. Nazi’s sucked. Every fucker knew that. Nazi’s sucked. Germany was great, and Helloween and Gamma Ray were among his favourite bands. Yep, Deutscheland was a grand old nation, and he loved a lot of German stuff. One of his favourite movies was ‘Escape to Victory’ with Michael Caine. German sarcasm in that blockbuster was a true delight to the soul. He was cunning was Blindriel. A proud European and member of the Irish and British Isles. He served Prince Dameriel, the Irish Prince, faithfully, and watched as Terraphora unfolded in its destiny each day For the Cherubim Angel Blindriel, who played on an Irish Cricket team called ‘The Rats’, and outstanding allrounder, was a student of knowledge and culture and society, and liked to think about things, and let his mind wander, and then get concrete on an idea when he had to, and then relax and let whatever will be, be. And then get the bastards back, but only within reason, mind you. Only within reason.
Blindriel the Rat 2
Of course, Donald Sutherland had a son called Keifer. A Vampire in the Lost Boys. Vampire life could be interesting. Sucking blood to get your rocks off. Not sure if it was the holiest of occupations. Biblical violation in Genesis chapter nine might be a consideration to avoid getting bitten by a Vampire. But, if it came right down to it, a Vampire must do what a Vampire must do. He supposed Vampires would get their judgment day also. They would stand before God and he would ask them ‘How many pints of blood do you think you sucked?’ and they would give their various answers, and maybe there was a threshold limit where God says, ah, that is just a bit too much blood for my liking. Off to the fiery pits of hell for you. Could be fussy on Judgment Day Almighty God. Keep the sins well under control, make sure you have a plan to work it out with him gradually, commit to a lifestyle which gradually improves its effort, and he will probably cut you some slack. That seemed to be Blindriel’s general spiritual philosophy. Make sure you didn’t cross too many of those lines you weren’t supposed to cross and, in the end, work that sort of mentality, sinful behaviour, out of your nature. Sure, you might sin for a season, but as you aged, you aged with grace, and gradually worked the bullshit out of your system. It took proper training and focus, but the whole point was to have as much fun as you could in your days when you were young and wild and then, finally maturing, admit that God was right all along, and do it his way. The old man probably knew what he was talking about when he gave you those lectures as a kid anyway. So Vampires needed to repent in the end also. Flood victims. Couldn’t be one of those Blindriel reminded himself. No excessive violence or aggravation. Sure, you might occasionally push things a bit in your passion, but keep that stuff under control. A dark spirit often rises in the heart of an Irishman, but he gets over it in the end, acknowledges the divine, and falls back into line with the general thrust of living the eternal life and not getting carried away with madness. You got it under control in the end, and eventually started prospering and working life out well. Success was the long term goal, obviously, but your experience was a big deal, and understanding why some things didn’t work, and didn’t quite work at all, really, in the end, was sometimes the hard road which just had to be travelled, unfortunately, till you really got the point. Sad but true in the end. Sad but true. Still, what you going to do? Get surly for a while, blame it all on God, and threaten to kill the bastard? Maybe. For a bit. But you needed to calm down eventually, acknowledge the point of the Torah principles, and work on with a better plan, with experience gained in what worked, and what didn’t in the end. And that was what it was all about to Blindriel theRat.
Blindriel the Rat 3
'Haylie Mathers. You are quite a cute chick,' said Blindriel.
'Keep on dreaming Blindriel. I'm tight with Alf Lambert, and not looking for another joe to hoe me,' replied the daughter of Eminem.
'Wouldn't dream of it,' replied Blindriel. 'Mainly interested in loose connections and associations with Marckonyel's growing crowd of contacts. Your style suits mine. Jovius is gradually becoming a buddy, and I think we can form a rat pack of sorts. I'm after that Jack Dagger and his son Dick also. They could be a riot,' replied Blindriel.
'The Rat Pack, huh?' queried Haylie, nodding at the hairdresser at they way her hair was shaping up. 'That could be cool,' she said.
Blindriel puffed on his ciggie. 'We hang, talk shit, haunt seedy taverns, visit red light districts, and conduct ourselves as good guys on the dark side of the force as regularly as frikking possible.'
'Or is that bad dudes on the light side,' replied Haylie. 'I always get that messed up.'
'Whatever,' replied Blindriel. 'Your hair is looking sweet, sheila. A little more of green tint and you'll be ready to go.'
'You heard the man,' said Haylie, to which the hairdresser shrugged and continued on with her work.
'Are you suggesting motorbikes? Lobo style or something?' she asked.
'Not sure if we are all mad Czarnians from the DC universe. More Constantine seems to be the general modus operandi. But we do shit, and perhaps even fight evil from time to time. Get a commission from the Theophany, and go nuts with Chaos Crystal duties or something.'
'Xaddadaxx could be interesting as well,' replied Haylie thoughtfully.
'I plan on buying a tavern. In Terraphona City. I have an arrangement to go into business with Azrael and Cosadriel, who will manage the partnership, and it will be prayed on a great deal to establish it eternally. I think I can commit to it forever now. Not sure if my general life structures will change that much anymore,' said Blindriel honestly.
'Alf is starting to settle as well,' replied Haylie. 'He is mostly non-gay these days. There is an old boyfriend who shows up occasionally, but he doesn't fuck em anymore. Says he just sort of got over that shit in the end. Wasn't really him in the end. Likes being hetero now. Says it does sort of feel more masculine when it comes down to it, and that aint a bad thing for a bloke in the end.'
'Fascinating,' replied Blindriel. 'Nobody gave much of a shit about Alf's faggy ways. He was always just responsible enough in the end.'
'Time changes fellas though,' replied Haylie. 'Even devil's shape up in the end.'
'So you in for Blindriel the Rat and the Rat pack?' queried Blindriel.
'Tentatively. Your stylish enough for me personally. Alf has been fond of you for a long time. Mentions you occasionally. We'll see how it goes.'
'Ta, sweetie. And again, your hair looks fab. See you around.'
Haylie watched as Blindriel left the hairdresser, and smiled a little softy. Her type of angel as well, really. The right sort of sarcasm which suited Haylie Mathers. She looked ahead, at the mirror and, noticing the new colour, said 'Fuck no bitch. Not lime green. For fuck's sake.'
And the world turned.
Fighting for Glory III
Callodyn the Cherubim looked at his shares portfolio in British companies. 'Interesting,' he said.
'What's that sweetie?' queried Kayella from the couch.
'Nothing sis,' replied Callodyn. 'How long will you be staying by the way? Mr Blackstock must miss you. You've been here 3 months now.'
'He'll be fine. I need a break. He's busy with his mother on genealogy research. Said I could have some time to myself if I needed it,' replied Kayella.
'Oh. Cool,' said Callodyn. He continued looking at the shares. 'Do you have patriotism towards the Clarkson clan?' he asked her.
She turned to look at him. 'Odd question,' she replied and flicked of the TV with the remote. 'Why do you ask that?'
'Does the idea of British sovereignty over America bother you?' he asked.
'Ha. That's rich. Keep on dreaming superpatriot,' she replied.
'Can Britain earn America back?' he asked her.
She looked at him for a moment, and then turned and looked at the TV screen. She was thinking that over. Eventually she spoke.
'What can you really offer us? A constitutional monarchy? They've pushed that for years with us. Nobody wants change,' she replied.
'Right,' he said. 'Can that be achieved if there are other factors which make it advantageous to choose the Monarchy as the figurehead?'
'That's awfully rich,' she replied. 'But perhaps. We maintain the English language. It's not unreasonable, but you would need to be careful with American law and custom. American's don't mind the British mostly now. We get along well. But it's an old agenda Cal. Why you taking it up?'
'It's been on the back burner a long time. I was actually born in the UK. In Hull. Like Seraphim Daniel and Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly. It was arranged for myself and Seraphim Daniel.'
'Yes. I'm aware of that,' she replied. 'Sweeten the deal if you want to live in the real world. Key alliances, definite fixed codes of commitment to what Britain will offer America, and a great deal of acceptance and allowed influence of American culture. You'll have to adopt quite a lot of it you know.'
'I can dig it,' replied Callodyn. 'Superman still rules, sweet cheeks. Dan Dare is tops, but Blue Beetle still makes my day.'
'Wonderful,' she replied. 'Well, keep the compliments coming, and address our citizenship with such equally attentive love and devotion, and you never know. We do join clubs if people really want us and will dedicate to us.'
'I'll keep that in mind,' replied Callodyn.
'Come and watch the A Team,' she said. So he sidled over, sat next to her, opened a can of Coke, and enjoyed, yet again the sarcasm of Mad Dog Murdoch and B A Baracus fear of flying.
'It's just that the Church has ceased to become relevant to me now Daniel,' said Meludiel to Seraphim Daniel. 'Jesus admits it now. He's come clean. It was just his agenda. It was nothing of God's. And the more I've looked into the Gospel the more I realize it has no great basis in a stable lifestyle with sensible laws to correct behaviour. It is a weird system, essentially pride, to exalt itself over Judaism. There is not much good about its spirit. Individual components are tolerable here and there, but not the spirit. It's not a holy thing.'
'And what of the Jews?' asked Daniel.
'I left Jacob Fink a while ago. They are down in Zionistya, but it stopped growing a while ago, and people are just treading water, and lives are bland for the most part, occupied with legalism, and whatever seems fun is frowned upon, and they are joyless souls. There is nothing in it I want now. Nothing,' she said humbly. 'And Ambriel is down there, at Zion, settled in a flat with a Jewish lady, and doesn't really care anymore. He says it doesn't really matter if we see each other any more. His love has – died.'
She sat there, stone cold, in the kitchen of Danielphon, something different about her. Her dreams had failed. She'd said that all morning. Her dreams had failed.
'Move in with me,' he said to her. 'Live here in Danielphon. I don't think you'll find it elsewhere again. It won't have that tradition. It won't have that touch.' And he touched her head, and kissed it, and she looked up at him with careful eyes.
'Ok,' she said. And that was that.
Lost in Citydale 6
'Hey Melanie. You're cute,' said the Cherubim Danelarrius, 6664th Cherubim male of eternity.
'Here we go,' sighed Melanie. 'I wondered when you would show up.'
'I've had my eye on you,' said Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly IV, son of Serphim Daniel. 'You are the one for me. I sense it in the waters. I sense it in the spirit. I sense it in my testicles.'
'Danelarrius. You are an ego who has not learned your place in the world,' replied Melanie. But she came and sat down next to him in the Citydale cafe, after ordering her hamburger. Danielarrius put his arm around her shoulder, and kissed here on the cheek. 'Your mine babe. Nothing like Sporty Spice to get the blood running.'
'Oh. Ok,' said Melanie. 'Your my man then are you?'
'Who else babe? The old fart has done his business with you. Too devoted to other chickadees. Couldn't afford you forever. Needs to hang with Ariel and get his mind off other women. Apparently she's probably not the one in the end, but can't focus on Melanie he tells me. Doesn't quite work for him. Too many other flames, and had to let you drop. Assigned me if I committed to you forever. Which I will sweetie, because I've loved you forever, you know. Very fond of my Melanie girl. I've heard Northern Star probably more than any other human being could ever approach, or any other angel. I know as a fact I am your biggest fan. That will never change in all eternity sweet cheeks. You are my girl. That is the way it is.'
'You remind me of your father,' she said.
'Yeh. The Dan Daly shit goes on. There's a few of us. Old Cherubim Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly's ego is at stake. He needs an eternal run of us if he can get it. But then he says practical limitations of fitting all the fuckers in could be an issue, but wants at least a few hundred thousand to bear the name. Could be interesting. I already have a kid with the name, and there are few down the line further.'
'I've heard a little about that,' said Melanie.
'Don't worry about them. They are all charming devil's,' replied Daniel. 'But you are mine. And how about Citydale? Shall we live here then?'
'Ok,' she replied. She felt like a girl around him. She felt like a girl who was loved, adored and cherished. She felt like a girl whose man had finally shown up. She felt wonderful.